Unconventional Relationships

[PlainJane]

Aren't poly relationships a lot more complicated than monogamous ones though?

It depends on the culture. In the U.S. it's not common practice, so I think it's more difficult because of societal standards. I recently watched a TEDx and the presenter had been studying polyandry relationships in the District of Humla. It's more common for women to take on multiple partners in marriage than a monogamous one. It's practical, and more financially stable for families. There were other example from other areas, but this one stood out. The overall census was that it worked well and most preferred it. Again, that's what they're accustomed to.

To add to my previous comment, I don't want either relationship. I stated exclusive because that's how I perceive relationships at a default because of growing up in a culture that endorses monogamy. I didn't mean to imply that I preferred a poly relationship. I can hardly live with myself, let alone having other people endure me.

 

[Friday]

Aren't poly relationships a lot more complicated than monogamous ones though?

Ditto @PlainJane

When I was in the Middle East monogamous relationships were craaaazy complicated (although people allowed for the difficulties new 1:1 marriages made for; Oh! You’re a FIRST wife/ you only have ONE wife?!? You poor thing! Let us help!), whilst polygynous relationships super “simple”. But jump back to the US? And polygynous gets complicated as f*ck, as do polygamous… esp… and polyandrus, and polyamourous.

I THINK because there aren’t societal norms/expectations? So people are making up half baked rules, with no foundation? But IDFK. Truly.

For my own self, it seems like relationship “rules” broke for me, at some point. So it depends almost entirely on the individual(s) involved. A 1:1 marriage being complicated as f*ck, whilst a 7:1 group marriage being ridiculously easy. And vice versa. No way in hell can I even touch the chaos involved in THAT arrangement, but 1:1 is easy as breathing. There’s no… easy example… to follow. It’s all equally hard for ME, so it depends more on the stability of others, guiding me.

To be frank… not at all dissimilar to renting an apartment. Sometimes it IS easy. Other times I’ll be homeless for years because I cannot manage the paperwork involved. When I have enough money in the bank to hire an attorney to BUY the fawking place, I can’t even lease a room in it. Certain “normal” things… are just… impossible. Without a go-between, to manage that bit.

 

[Nixx]

I've been poly briefly, it didn't work out very well but it was probably because my main relationship was rocky to begin with. But I've always been in an open relationship partially out of being practical (my ex lost alot of sexual function after literal brain surgery), and because I really have never had feelings of jealousy when ive been with someone, it just doesn't register with me. I'm not possessive of my partners as long as we ask before either of us go out to fool around with other people. And I don't do random hook ups anymore. I have a core group of male and even a few female friends that I will meet up with to hang for a weekend and fool around. We aren't lovers, were all really good friends who share mutual kicks and kinks. But I hang out and mainly have my personal and sexual relationships in a very niche community. I will say that

I scratch my head when I see older guys like me who've been sexually abused and they freak out so hard because they have been married and have kids and realize they might not be straight and 1. think its because they were abused and it imprinted on them (i wont dismiss that this isnt a possibility but I strongly suspect it isnt the case) , 2. that if they inform their partner they also might have attraction to other men that their entire life will come crashing down. My brother in christ, if you love your wife and she really loves you, she wont leave you if you admit to thinking about other men sometimes. And I get it too, people in my younger age group have basically grown up in a MUCH more accepting environment for queer people than older folks have. Toxic masculinity is strong for older men, anything that even deviates from that slightly is a direct attack on them, and I bet its distressful.

Figuring out my own sexuality and coming to terms with how my abuse affected its development is really the ONLY thing ive managed to do successfully when dealing with all this shit and its probably why I've ended up having casual relationships with my best friends. But im really ok with that.

 

[BeepBeepSaysTheJeep]

I'm about seven months late to the party, and have no experience with poly relationships. If you're wondering, I'm still burning through 1-1s and picking my teeth with their bones, because I'm very clear about the fact that I will not share. At 36, pathetically. I'm resigned to the fact I'll die alone with cats, but that's not such a bad outcome. Cats are easy to care for; men aren't. Cats ask little in return; men don't.

If it brings you more stress than happiness, then it's not worth your effort. Be vulnerable with your love interests, but never helpless.