Urgent Advice!!

[desiderata310]

I understand what you mean and how you feel about losing confidence in your therapist. I think that this is something that you urgently need to address with her/him. Should she have reported it? Yes. Should she have given you a heads up? absolutely.

I think about to the early days with my therapist and realize that if something similar had happened it would have utterly destroyed me and I would have gone into a tailspin and I probably would have quit therapy.
Since then there have been a couple of times when I felt that he had overstepped his boundaries (as it turns out people were interpreting things their own way) and it almost did serious damage to the theraputic relationship (which by the way has been one of the most difficult and bizarre relationship I have ever negotiated). That said, really working through that and coming to a place where I had the confidence to confront him and tell him that I was upset about what he had done and allowing him space to explain really strengthened things.

I don't trust people just generally. I assume everyone means me harm. I am less convinced that my therapist means me ill and usually I find it easier to take him at his word.

So.. long story short. Go back and confront it. Yes, she had to. Yes, she did a shitty job of dealing with that. Yes, that can all be salvaged and actually used to make things better.

 

[GettingBy]

Honestly, if you don't know your rapist and you haven't seen him since, the investigation will likely go nowhere beyond possibly the authorities contacting you to ensure that this person is no longer in your life or poses a threat to you. The cops aren't going to press you to go forward in a case like this.

Thanks so much! *huge sigh of relief*. That really puts my mind at ease.

Just know that you are not alone. Please don't hesitate to reach out if you ever need someone to talk to. Give the therapist a chance to explain things to you. Their main concern will be your safety. I know if may not seem like that right now, but that is always their main priority.

Thanks for replying x

Your T is still someone to trust. Though like the others said, because you're a minor and there was a crime it's not too surprising they had to report it.

I guess I'll just carrying on seeing her then.

 

[GettingBy]

That said, really working through that and coming to a place where I had the confidence to confront him and tell him that I was upset about what he had done and allowing him space to explain really strengthened things.

So.. long story short. Go back and confront it. Yes, she had to. Yes, she did a shitty job of dealing with that. Yes, that can all be salvaged and actually used to make things better.

Thanks for this. I guess I have to confront it and give it a chance rather than running away like I usually do when things are uncomfortable.

 

[Suzetig]

Your therapist owed you a duty of confidentiality, depending on where you're seeing her, eg is she attached to the NHS, education or if you see her privately will dictate whether she needed to report your disclosure or not - therapists aren't mandatory reporters in the UK but some areas of work require them to as part of their terms of employment. She also should have explained fully the limits of confidentiality to you at your first appointment and given you information to take away about her service and the limits of confidentiality. If she decided something you said did reach her theshold in terms of confidentiality, given there was no urgency to your disclosure (ie you or someone else in an immediately life threatening situation) she should have discussed it with you beforehand.

Do you know if she's a member of a registered body eg BACP or which code of ethics she works under? I agree it would be helpful to discuss with her why she felt she needed to breach your confidence, why she felt it couldn't wait until you had spoken about it and why she didn't let you know beforehand she couldn't hold confidentiality about rape. Depending on where you are in the UK you wouldn't even be considered a minor, so I'm struggling to understand why she would have broken your confidence. After discussion with her you may decide to complain either to the organisation she works for or her registering body.

In terms of whether you work with her again, that's something only you can decide based on what she says about her reasons for breaching. In all honestly I don't think I could work with her again after such a major breach of trust.

 

[GettingBy]

is she attached to the NHS, education or if you see her privately will dictate whether she needed to report your disclosure or not

She works for the NHS

If she decided something you said did reach her theshold in terms of confidentiality, given there was no urgency to your disclosure (ie you or someone else in an immediately life threatening situation) she should have discussed it with you beforehand.

That's actually a very good point. I'm definitely going to discuss this with her tomorrow.

 

[Suzetig]

If she's NHS you should have received a leaflet letting you know what she would keep confidential and I can't see why she would need to report rape that happened when you were 16, there's no legal requirement to do so. I hope you get answers to your questions, you have every right to be aggrieved - there are places that will provide counselling that is properly confidential if you feel you can't trust her depending on the outcome of your conversation with her.

 

[Tinyflame]

Wow, if @Suzetig is correct (I am sure you are), that would feel like a terrible betrayal or breach of trust in my mind. Sorry for what you're going through, she doesn't sound like she realized what impact that would naturally have on you either, especially with no fore-warning.

 

[falling_wave]

I feel like I cannot trust her now though. When I start to work through trauma with her, I know that I'll limit what I say due to this. Do you think there's any point on continuing?

You can talk about reporting laws and what you can and cannot say. Talk about your symptoms and not the root for now to stabilize the current situation which therapists often have you do before going into trauma anyway. You are 17 so as soon as you turn 18 you can share all that. I was always scared being underage too but it gets better soon. Just done talk about any other minor when you talk about your trauma when you are 18. If you say that any minor who still is a minor was part of it she still needs to report.