Relationship Waiting Is Exactly What I Am Doing...

[felicia]

Waiting for the right moment to know when I can message him. My palms are sweating, my heart racing, my thoughts running a muck and I'm partially feeling like I am going to explode with insanity. I look calm and well put together on the outside but on the inside I am crying and feeling so helpless. We all have the same stories yet we all have no realistic answers as to what is right or wrong in helping our sufferer. We are all lost together in this journey of love we have committed ourselves to toward our significant other no matter how much it hurts us. LOVE.

Why am I so afraid to text him after 4 months of no communication when the last thing he said to me was that he does love me? I just don't want to be rejected again. But I cannot seem to let him go either. Tell me, am I crazy?

 

[Sweetpea76]

No, you're not crazy. You're human and he hurt you.

 

[BewitchedBewildered]

Same position here. Mine has been gone for 3 months, 1 week, and 1 day. In that time I have received one text and had one 5 minute conversation that was basically me asking if he wanted me in his life at all anymore and him saying he had had a rough few weeks and been busy. Then nothing.

I worry,I cry often, decide it is over and need to move on. Then no, I can't give up on him, he will come back. He's going through something much worse. I know the man he is when managed. I have to have faith in that. No, he could just let me know he is ok. No, he can't. No, he's gone and just threw me away like a piece of trash. No idea what to do. Should move on, but can't seem to do it.

I feel crazy almost all the time. And stupid. Its horrible and painful, I know. Sorry, that's not much help. But, you are not alone. Hug.

 

[felicia]

It's just so insane how we all are going through the same exact thing... I am in total awe right now. Thanks for the HUG :D. Hug right back. If you ever need to just vent to me Bewi

 

[felicia]

Conitued: lol I am here if you need me okay :hug:

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Hello Felicia,

I moved your thread as in was in the wrong section becasue I understand that you are a supporter of someone with PTSD. The supporter forums is were you will find all your useful information.

Here are some useful thread that came to mind reading your thread:

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/it-takes-more-than-love.9032/#post-135618

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/waiting.16667/

I wish you the best in your relationship.

 

[sisu]

My (ex) boyfriend broke up with me 4 weeks ago during a time when he was overwhelmed with stress - he needed to isolate a bit and chose to break-up instead of ask for space due to his own guilt. He felt guilty for not being able to hold up his end of the relationship. In those 4 weeks we have seen each other 3 times and have talked on the phone a few times too. He will even respond to my texts.

The thing is we are both in our mid-40's. We both already have kids, houses, careers and have been married before. There aren't any "big life decisions" on the near horizon and I just enjoyed the companionship. We have known each other for 6 years and have been in a romantic relationship for 3 years. There is a real connection between us and a lot of love. I am doing my own thing right now - busy kids, lots of friends, etc. But it is still hard. He says he misses me a lot. I know I miss him a lot too. I just don't understand, I guess.

I understand that isolating is part of the illness - but for me that is the worst symptom. I can handle any other symptom. I will say that he has never been mean, rude, gotten angry or anything around me. I have never seen any of the negatives of his PTSD other than the isoating which has only happened twice. The first time we hobbled through it with phone calls and minimal contact. Part of me thinks we will be fine again, but another part of me doesn't want to keep going though this because it is painful as a supporter. Especially because it seems to come on as a suprise - as in, I didn't see it coming. All was fine then boom - he is gone.

Does the isolation part ever get better? Are there better ways for them to cope during these more stressful times? I thought we had boundaries in place, but we don't live together and apparently those boundaries blew up when he felt so stressed. I think in some ways its easier when you live together because they can go into their cave and isolate. But when you don't live with them your mind will wander....

 

[BewitchedBewildered]

I feel the same way exactly. Isolation is the hardest aspect for me and we are long distance.

 

[sisu]

I could never do 3 or 4 months of no contact. The only reason I have still hung on to hope is that my guy does talk to me, does see me and does respond to me, even though the volume of contact is much lower. I do see that he is going through a stressful time - it is written all over his face and his body language. Because I do love him I am willing to give him the benefit of the doubt for now, as long as he continues to make contact and respond to me. We went from seeing each other a few times a week and talking multiple times a day, to talking every few days and seeing each other only 3 times in 4 weeks. This is a huge drop to our "normal" but if he continues to get better than I'm good. If contact drops further or ceases, then I'll have to re-evaluate.