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Wanting "real" relationships with ptsd friends virtual vs. 3-d

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I have been visiting this site for close to a year now and have made some really good friends from all over the world, but at what cost? It doesn't always seem real. The ones I have met on the outside via messenger or Facebook really have helped me to realize we are all real humans living our lives. But the connections have brought attachments that aren't always healthy. Why I let a virtual or online new friend affect my emotional well being so intently seems bizarre to me. I need balance. I want real friendships, the kinds I have with my 3-D friends and family. I really honestly only have one person that I met here that I think it would be possible to meet someday, but even that relationship gets strained with the ptsd. It's weird when we share such deep and horrible events with each other. It creates a bond. But how do I maintain balance and not isolate from the real people in my life that don't understand ptsd?
 
Are you near any larger cities? I lived in NYC and Atlanta and near cities they have lots of ptsd support groups, mood disorder support groups, csa support groups, just so many different types. It's easy to meet pple there, but to hang back for a while until you're ready. Then you can grab coffee or a meal after. Anywho yea. Even if not super near the city, it might be worth the drive out once a week. There are also a lot of 12 step type programs, aca in particular, where many talk about trauma histories.
 
@TexCat I feel like it is possible to create actual friendships with people online. After all communication and talking is the primary mode of any kind of relationship being created if that makes sense? I feel as if the people I have met here are my friends and I really wish I could meet people from here in real life too- that would be cool. I don't find it odd at all that the people online affect your emotional wellbeing as we are communicating with each other and building relationships- to me it does feel very real it is just a different kind of relationship. After all sometimes people have pen pals and develop relationships that way and they never see each other face to face. I care for the people on this site genuinely and I often include them in my prayers. To me- these relationships are very real. On the other side of things I can get obsessed with this site and it can become unhealthy so I need to not constantly feel the need to read posts, start threads, etc..
 
I'm guessing you don't really have support IRL from friends and family members who try to understand what you're going through. (Based on things you've said before.)

I think this is part of the problem.

As my real life relationships strengthen I find less of a need to form online relationships.

I don't really bond with people here as people don't know me beyond PTSD and IMHO there's no reason to bond. I don't want to be sucked into a "misery loves company" type of relationship.
 
I think one can focus on different qualities of those relationships, depending on interest/energy/stress/etc. levels at any given moment.

Sort of like with interests really, just about mental health. A lot of folk don't stick to people with one set of interests, and it makes sense to have varied circles, if you can achieve it.

<shrug> I tend to appreciate what is, for what it is, and was. So many of my 'perfect match' relationships - where we'd known each other offline life years on - backfired so badly I'm quite fine with imperfect matches and balance points elsewhere. Not that I wouldn't go see a few in a heartbeat, as I would. But I'm just fine giving things their own time and space, if they're meant to be, they will be.
 
TexCat said:
This is a good idea. I do live near a very large city. However, I keep my ptsd in the closet right now...
Click to expand...
That's totally normal, lots of pple, including myself take a while to go to groups. It takes a lot of courage to "expose" yourself. 2 things that might help you get there faster than I did lol- you can leave whenever you want (5 mins, 10, half an hour, if you feel triggered, etc. They really encourage self care) and you NEVER have to tell your story or even speak. If you want to you can, if you do in 3 months, that's fine, if never that's ok as well. Pple get it and don't pressure, ime. Hope that helps.

Oops pressed enter early.

I know those things sound obvious and basic, but when I was really afraid to go they didn't even occur to me. Having the freedom to leave early and not feel trapped or pressured to talk really made a difference.
 
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I don't think of my online relationships as all that different from others. They produce the same emotions and similar support. I can care about someone whether I see their face or not. I have managed to maintain some very meaningful relationships in the virtual world. I always recognize that they are human beings.
 
I have two real life friends that only know that I have PTSD and a rough childhood with not many details. I am just fine with this because they would not understand or get me in this aspect. Sometimes it is a little harder than normal, but they are both older with sketchy memories anyways so I just do not bother

Yet my online friends I consider my peer support system and I know it is because of knowing them as my friends I can have real life conversations with a few of them over the phone and it really makes such a huge difference whenever I need peer support. These beautiful women have gotten me through the last six months of my life and have been there for me in ways that my face to face friends would not be able to.

I think it takes a really long time to get to know a person anyway. Sometimes a person can get lucky but it takes me years to really get to know a person. Besides everyone has issues in their lives and I am sure that there are some things that the 3 d people do not tell me either. I am content with the way things are and I wish you luck in making your friendships. I hope this helps a little.
 
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