Ways To Challenge That Ole Suicidal Ideation.

[The Albatross]

Found a credible and free 7 lesson course on grief and sent you the link. But clearly Ms. Spock you are stuck in the grief cycle so far as your family. More grieving is not what you need. Getting unstuck is.

Perhaps if you look back on the past years, and do a honest self assessment of the direction, quality, and caliber of your life you can see that it is very unrealistic that more grieving will help anything. Remember the definition of insanity in part is doing the same things over and over and expecting different results.

Stick with the goal of getting unstuck and breaking the grief cycle.

 

[Bluerose]

I got what was for me at the time an amazing piece of advice about feelings of suicide.

Suicide had always been an option for me. My dad’s dad committed suicide and my dad committed suicide.

I told psych-doc that the thoughts and impulses were there but that I didn’t want to do that to my kids.

This is the jist of what she told me.

“You have thought so long about suicide that it has become a part of your thought process - your habitual thinking. But you have changed your mind. You no longer want to commit suicide. So what you have to do is change what you are thinking. Consciously acknowledge that you have changed your mind and no longer want to commit suicide. You‘ll have to keep telling yourself that - like repeating an affirmation.”

Not a miracle cure but it did put me back in the driving seat. And when the old thoughts and impulses present I just say, “No thank you.”

Having said that, it’s still an option if and when I can’t take care of myself or I’m in physical pain through age.

 

[Tinyflame]

Perhaps Ms Spock, it has a component of guilt or perception (as regards your family), rather than straight-forward grief? You could only be responsible for your own thoughts and decisions, not their's. Or their's now or any other time. Relationships do require 2 parties' efforts as well.

Your initial thoughts as a child, ".. to get out of it", were actually accurate and correct. More healthy than what was occurring around you and being forced upon you. SI was just the extreme and only (or more likely last) way you could think of to solve it, and to get out of the pain. But no child can protect their siblings, either. Or, let's put it this way, is equipped to or should have to. Nothing you did or didn't do at that age could have remedied it.

:hug:

 

[ms spock]

Remember the definition of insanity in part is doing the same things over and over and expecting different results.

Yes I have been expecting different results.

Stick with the goal of getting unstuck and breaking the grief cycle.

Yes off to see my psychiatrist today.

 

[The Albatross]

"Feelings will get me sucked down the drain faster than my rational thoughts ever would." Inclinations are deceptive. Heed the warning, cuz I believe it.

At some point it becomes about "self preservation". Really.

 

[The Albatross]

Easy was the commodores... Patton knows it. Cali boy that he is, he knows the original. As do I... I think it fueled my relational and substance abuse issues. I just didn't know how to get out and be independent.

 

[The Albatross]

I got to see Earth Wind and fire in in San Diego.

I can see that it was what it was... I gotta move up, step up, with it. It's the only way I'm gonna make it. Heh. "everybody get up, do your dance, it's your system of survival, do your dance... greet the new arrival." Heh.

Egypt named Obama as a member of the Muslim Brotherhood and has charged him with crimes against humanity. Don't even get me started. But Egypt has the balls western nations don't have.

 

[The Albatross]

I am so reved up, I think I'm ready to blow. I am extremely pissed off today. So much so I think I screwed up your thread. Sorry, I think.

 

[WendyA]

Not sure if I'm allowed to post links, sorry if its breaking a rule. But this is a positive talk and I felt it needed to be shared here.

 

[ms spock]

I think I'm ready to blow. I am extremely pissed off today. So much so I think I screwed up your thread. Sorry, I think.

I haven't watched those videos but it is okay. Going off on a tangent here, well it happens.

 

[ms spock]

Perhaps Ms Spock, it has a component of guilt or perception (as regards your family), rather than straight-forward grief? You could only be responsible for your own thoughts and decisions, not their's.

It could be guilt. I am punishing myself for being the one getting away at times.

Your initial thoughts as a child, ".. to get out of it", were actually accurate and correct. More healthy than what was occurring around you and being forced upon you. SI was just the extreme and only (or more likely last) way you could think of to solve it, and to get out of the pain.

Well if I didn't have an out I would have gone mad with all the violence, abuse, manipulation and crazy making stuff.

But no child can protect their siblings, either. Or, let's put it this way, is equipped to or should have to. Nothing you did or didn't do at that age could have remedied it.

That is hard to accept. I always thought I had some type of agency to make it stop and I did save my sisters and brothers from death. I did stop my father from strangling my mother once. I did stop him from suffocating my youngest brother.

But really I had no power - it is hard to accept. And I had no control over my parents lies and manipulations.

 

[ms spock]

Had a bad patch of SI this morning but it didn't last too long.