We're Both Combat Vets, We Both Have Ptsd.

[Still Proving Myself]

My husband and I are both former Marines, both Iraq vets, both with PTSD. I've finally started doing some real therapy work, as well as taking some low dose medications. I'm feeling better and seeing some improvements in myself. My husband is still active duty (now switched to the Navy), and is really really struggling. He's withdrawing, he's having episodes that are getting more severe, he is angry and irrational, he's behaving strangely at home, he snaps at total strangers, he avoids crowds, all the typical usual stuff we all go through and feel I suppose.

The problem is that he feels base mental health isn't taking him seriously. I can't tell whether he's telling the truth (and they're not taking him seriously), or if he's not taking them seriously (which wouldn't be out of character for him right now, given his behavior). I can't go to his command about his behavior at home without completely f*cking over his career. He can't get help he needs. He can't take medication in his current job or he loses his job. The kids are suffering. I'm suffering. He's suffering.

Tonight he got up abruptly, walked out the door, and emptied one of the large deck boxes we have out on the deck, climbed inside and shut the lid and refused to get out. He said that being inside the house was making his skin crawl. He doesn't like the sound of people moving about the house. He refused to come inside. He fell asleep out there, then woke up, came inside and is now on the floor of our small walk-in closet. When I came to check on him, he lit into me about the sound of people moving about the house and the leave him the hell alone. I haven't been upstairs to our bedroom since. I want to go to bed, but I don't want to set him off. I'm considering sleeping on the living room couch tonight.

If anybody has any ideas on how to deal with this, I'd sure love to hear them. I have my own problems and trying to deal with his too makes it hard to concentrate and come up with the right thing to do. I feel like I'm f*cking it all up.

 

[Ted Moen]

Congratulations on taking your therapy seriously. It seems unlikely that two people with PTSD would both be ready to take therapy seriously at the same time. Keep working on learning to manage your PTSD symptoms, and encourage him to keep working on learning to manage his (give him the benefit of the doubt, if he's not trying his symptoms will consume him soon enough).

Ted

 

[Jimmy1]

Welcome Still Proving Myself. Would love an Introduction but your welcome regardless. Therapy does work, you just have to trust in it.

 

[Anglesachse]

welcome to fold Still Proving Myself darlin`

Good to hear/read that you made the first steps to helping yourself on dealing with the beast. wanting to help your partner is a big thumbs up aswell, unfortunatly, the first step has to be done alone. after that people are there to help, to guide, to encourage, but nonetheless that first step must be taken alone. And I must admit, it is a big f*cking step!

Hiding in dark cramped place is something I used to do too, it happens seldom these days, but every now and again, I just need that dark tightness. He needs to see that maybe he is done with the military (But then None of us want to accept that we are used up and burnt out!)

 

[willis williams]

Welcome, I used to take off into the woods with nothing but a blanket. Noise is a big trigger for me. I have problems just dealing with the baby crying or the older ones playing. With therapy I figured out how to change the situation without changing the kids behavior. I still leave I created a safe spot one where the misses nows where I am and there is a water fall that is a constant white noise that I forget about the problem issue. I guess I am lucky that it is only a mile away. If you can tell him to get away from the trigger if it don't upset him. I used to use my truck also with music all alone this was gtting to anoying do to people stopping and saying are you allright but I would not leave the driveway stupid me thinking people understood and would leave me alone. But therapy does work I was going once a week and if he eventually has a brake through it is great. His condition could worseon do to holding back at work to protect his livelyhood and bring home all the pent up symtoms. Good luck and if he can afford it he needs to go to a civilian psychiatrist and get it documented then the active docs have to take him serious. With patient confidentiality they will not tell his supperiors uless they feel there is a risk of indangering himself or others. If he gets it documented while active that is one huge step for when he gets out and fights the VA. Good luck again. TEX

 

[Jimmy1]

Hey sorry about my abrupt welcome. Was not having a good time myself.
He does need help and by the sounds of it needs help sooner rather than later. Maybe a discreet phone call from you, or a written letter to the psych.
All his symptoms are normal. Sometimes just a tap dripping can send me into a tirade and I have been having treatment for the last four years. Maybe he needs to remove himself from the military altogether, it might be triggering it now.
The isolation thing in the box and the cupboard is exactly that, isolation. When his stress cup is full, its like information overload.

Have you read the documents on here??? It might give you both a hand.

Link Removed
Link Removed
Link Removed

Cheers

Jimmy

 

[drabs08]

Wow everyone from above my post, I didnt' think anyone did that but me, to the new folks I'm still new here too, thanks for serving, welcome home, tho we never feel at home, anywhere. I didnt do the in a box thing, but I would burry myself in a shallow grave in the woods or sand, just like we used to do in combat or training, in LRSD, shallow graves kept us concealled from the enemy we were doing surveillance on, or stalking waiting for the exact right moment to take care of business. So Id climb into my hole, havent done it in years, but I feel the need to still, pretty often. But then I had a basement in my old house before I got divorced & used to use that as my safe haven till she got the house LOL & I lost my shallow grave, praying for you all, also to the Marine couple, the VA doesnt take us seriously, I get 30% had it for two years now. I've avoided admitting I had ptsd since the gulf war 20 years ago. Everyone in unit, my LRSD teams, had been seen, finally I went in for, as I said they gave me 30 %. ..as the last couple of years went by I started seeing more & more issues with the Beast, went back to the VA a couple of weeks ago, they told me to drink more, its good for ptsd & that all my issues new ones, anyway, were bipolar, anything not to up your % of Comp & Pension LOL

 

[willis williams]

Drabs08, I waited because of denial since somalia. It took a dramatic event to send me over board. I to went through a devorce and lost everything and was stuck with all the payments for what I had not allready owned. This put me onto serious survivel mode and I let all the deamons out that I thought were hid in the 90's. I had 20% for physical but nothing else. I had a new trauma and instead of it being the one that pushed the button it pushed the deamon I thaught I could control. I have a friend that his worst enemy is drinking. He was force recon and if he got tore up you could find him in the would passed out covered in leaves. You could always find him because drunk he didn't do a good job concelling and he also got into K-9 trainig after he was out of the corp. His K-9 would not leave him but you could not approach unless you wanted your ass ate because he trained military and police K-9's. So I would observe from a distance till I seen movement because he was always armed and I was also so it wasn't worth friends killing each other. So I have personally seen the kind hole you want to crawl in. I to this day don't think he sleeps in a bed. Never married no children he has never came back. So to everyone that is haveing these isolation problems I may get in trouble saying maybe its good sometimes it's kept me out of a lot of really bad trouble. So good luck with all our symtoms!

 

[deborah l. boylan]

Welcome Still Proving Myself! I so get the isolation thing. When things just get to be too much all you want to do is find someplace peaceful and safe. The problem with that is, the battle your fighting is in your head, not in the desert or jungle. Where ever you go, you take "you" with you. I have my "timeout" room for when things get rough. My family knows not to mess with me when I'm in there. It gives me the space to calm down and mull things over, even have a good cry if I need it. We all need a safe place to run to on occasion. As for your husband, maybe like Jimmy said, the military may be a trigger for him now. I'm an Operating Room nurse in the Navy, but I can't work the OR anymore because it triggers me. A job that I used to love and take a lot of pride in is now my worst nightmare. Keep up your own therapy. That's really important for you and your children. Maybe a discreet phone call to your husband's division officer or department head might get him moving in the right direction. Everyone worries that seeking mental help will cost them their job or their security clearance, but at a certain point your health and well being have to come first. Life is too short to be miserable all the time. I learned that the hard way. Take care and know that we're here for you and your husband.

Deb