General What are they thinking?

[A concerned spouse]

This thread has been so educational and eye opening. It's given me a new perspective on many things. Thank you @Freida for putting yourself out there with your honesty and view from the other side. The bottom line is that relationships have to have mutual respect, compromise and understanding but most of all love . . . A love that allows one another to be who they are. My therapist told me the other day that since I got married at 20 and have been married for 35 years to a man that has PTSD, I don't know wh ass t a "normal" relationship is like. I just smiled and said "This is my normal and through the thick and thin of It, I would never go back and change it if I could because he's worth eve egg ything weve goe throgh". My prayers are with you since your anniversary date is approaching. I know theres nothing i can say or do to make it easier but Im hear if you need someone to vent to. I have pretty big shoulders and can han fggg le the triggers (I've had 35 years of practice lol). Thanks again!

 

[A concerned spouse]

Sorry for all the screwed up typing. Fat fingers on a little phone and damn predictive text.

 

[Never_falter2]

Do any of you know and can explain to me why my sufferer never „ghosts“? He works long hours and sometimes he just „opts out“ for example by painting a picture but he never ghosts... and I think that this is so odd because everybody else seems to do it.

Wonder if painting is his ghosting... he paints a lot... landscape stuff... just some rural scenery... I think I have a thread about it... sometimes I hate it because there is some stuff to do and he does not even see it...

 

[LuckiLee]

It sounds like he isolates instead @Never_falter.

 

[Snowflakes]

@Never_falter Mine physically ghosted only once but she emotionally ghosts every week. I actually never heard of the term ghosts before I came here; I always thought “isolated” as @leehalf describes. In my case, whether my sufferer physically leaves me or emotionally leaves me, the hurt to me is pretty much the same. Learning here not to take it personally and giving space is a loving act has helped to temper that pain.

 

[Freida]

Think of ghosting as isolation on steroids. I isolate on a pretty regular basis but I only ghost on hubby a couple times a year. I'm much more likely to ghost on friendships - just walk away because they become to much to handle.

I guess when I'm isolating I'm still sort of present - I just want to be left alone. When I'm ghosting it doesn't matter where I am - I'm going to ignore you. Which makes me wonder if that is why I physically take off..... because I think it makes it easier on hubby?

sometimes I hate it because there is some stuff to do and he does not even see it...

I would call that ghosting

 

[Freida]

crap crap crap crap crap!!!!

air raid sirens are going off again. Is this a drill or real? wont know until the bombs fall or they don't. I'm on wrong side of the flight line and I'm not going to make it back to the primary shelter. Can't get across because the squads are taking off and cant go around because the truck is a target. No where to hide....shit! so very loud....f16s taking off one right after another and the air raid sirens and I can hear B shouting from the secondary shelter to RUN RUN RUN.... getting my chem gear on and cant see thru the stupid mask...RUN RUN RUN!!!!!! cant go forward..cant go back..wont make it to where the others are in time because I can't run -- will rip the stitches out. Not supposed to have left the building but sgt didn't want to hear my whiny ass excuse for staying at my desk. Whats a few stitches - its just a quick trip to aviation. jet jet jet....siren..no where to hide.... get away from the truck....get away from the truck..be a smaller target.... siren wont stop in my head...husband rattling on ..."are you ok?" DO I LOOK F**CKING OK????? Get away from me!!! cant he hear them??? shit... no where to run.. what do you mean you want to go f**kng grocery shopping? NO. im not going grocery shopping! nothing but carcasses there! I"m cant escape..no where to go.... gotta run...where are my car keys??... hubby has car keys... crap. wont let me run... how can he not hear them??? they are so loud... no where to hide... text from friend..wants help with boyfriend troubles....who the hell cares?!! im going to die and she wants to whine to me that her life isn't perfect....gotta get away from these stupid people before I blow a gasket on them....oh but wait ..im supposed to be NICE and worry about their FEEELINGS..... who the hell cares!!! sirens/jet engines//people screaming... no room for feelings.....write it down..see if that stops it...sirens are so loud... gotta get out of here!!!!

 

[LuckiLee]

You're safe now. It's over. Hubby's with you.

XO

 

[Sighs]

@Freida - thank you for the insight. I always thought my vet was impatient with "whining" because of what he had been through. You've helped me realise that perhaps for him its not in the past - its what he is going through - present tense.

Hugs if you accept them.

 

[LuckiLee]

@grimalkin. PTSD is an cyclical disorder. Symptoms can become manageable for periods of time. Which is why he thought he was able to be in a relationship. And relationships are stress....

 

[NaeNae75]

Do any of you know and can explain to me why my sufferer never „ghosts“? He works long hours a...

Not everyone does it...I don't, never have in 20 years. But I will "check out" emotionally once in a while. My father never ghosted either. He would just not come home on time because he was always in the bar.

I think that it seems like a common theme here because its one of the biggest things that sends supporters looking for answers...

(At least that's my theory)

 

[Freida]

breathe... ok. ...it's over for now. Well that was a sucky few hours.

@leehalf Yep - hes here. Currently he's hiding outside putting up Christmas lights. :eek:

@Sighs - yep its all present tense Not quite a flashback. It's what they call intrusive thoughts. For that hour or so that was what my mind was doing. And when it stopped it took me a few more hours to get grounded and be able to think clearly.

This was one of the things I told myself I would share if I decided to do this thread. I didn't want to because, well, its pretty embarrassing to admit that is the kind of stuff going through my head. I know I sound horrible but it is so freeking hard to try give a damn about anyone when my brain is exploding. Come near me and I will bite your head off --- which is how I chased hubby out of the house. Luckily a ptsd buddy came by so we did some grounding until I got it under control

Now I'm embarrassed and irritated and tired and didn't get any of the things I wanted to do today done. Why? Because my brain hates me and derails me whenever it damn well pleases. And this was a short one. Some of them go on for hours or even days. then they go away for a while. Then something triggers them and I'm off. At some point I'll need to sit down and try to figure out what triggered it since it wasn't obvious but that can wait cause I really don't give a damn right now.

So how in the world do I try to balance my supporters needs with that mess?! How do I even pretend I care? (sorry..guess I'm still a bit cranky)