What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

I know it's highly likely it's only because 2 anniversaries dovetail today, but am filled with dread, fear I'm trying to ignore, tightness in my chest, and sadness. And just swirling thoughts. So am struggling. But, trying to ride it out. It is what it is. Hoping work gets over with and is not as bad as I expect. Just get through the day(s).
Grateful. And also thankful to be off today and on my own. Peace. Variety of thoughts. Relieved too I could finish the raking, silly as that sounds. Can't recall all of what my mom would say (can't extrapolate), but remember her and her personality since that I knew so very well. Very sweet, funny, spicy, soft and gentle, kind, wise, introspective woman. I miss her very much even now.
Disappointed. Hurt. I regret trusting or believing. Foolish.

I guess sh*t on, and not surprised lol. Oh well. Truth has a great way of removing any doubt. Wish I hadn't trusted though.
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Fck'ng mortified to have shared any of my personal information. Sick to my stomach.

Also so tired of being treated like I'm an idiot or a cantalope. Hurtful and disrespectful. Sad and tired.
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I feel apprehension about an upcoming surgery, the pain, and the recovery process. But I also am happy about the results of the PET scan, the echocardiogram, and other diagnostic testing. I feel encouraged, lifted, and empowered.