Living in constant terror of everything and that one day I wont be able to get out of bed.
May I ask you to do something? On a sheet of paper, write down the following: If I had to stay in bed, what would I do to stay unbored? (boredom is what gets to you when you can't get out of bed)
I had to stay in bed for four years. It was not easy, but I am now out of that bed and doing better than I did before. If I can do it, so can you.
Once I was able to sit up, I had some people come in and move my computer to the bedroom. I don't have a laptop, so I had them put a small folding table next to the bed. I got a tablet, an eraser, a pencil sharpener and some pencils so I could draw. Over time, I had a desk put into the bedroom to hold what I needed. I got a bed side commode and a wheelchair without arms, and my therapist loaned me a transfer board so I could transfer myself out of bed. I had wonderful therapists working with me to help me get some strength after I'd lost it. Over the past four years they came out for the length of time medicare allowed each year. Wonderful men and women. I learned a lot from them.
It as so important to keep a positive attitude. When I forget to think positive I turn into a puddle of mush. But you can only cry for so long, then you either commit suicide or get off the pity pot and do something to change things. And for me, suicide was not an option, because I couldn't get out of that darn bed. Hell, I couldn't even lift myself at first. It took months before I learned how to become strong enough to turn over by myself. That day I finally figured out I wasn't going to allow myself to give into the doctor's predictions.
I have no family to care for me, so I was pretty much on my own. I was lucky in that I have a landlady who cares and a neighbor who would bring me lunch once in a while. I was in and out of the hospital so much I felt like a merry-go-round.The pain can get really intense and believe me, that sucks big time. But being on the pain meds kept me so out of it, I didn't want to do anything. that is not living. That is existing.
The best way to get over terror is to find out what would happen in the circumstance your are afraid of. I say do that on paper and not in reality. Because reality sucks big time.
Take care, and please, try it.
