What Are You Looking For?

[NarcSis]

I am in therapy, the past 8 sessions have been S.I.T and this was the only mandate for our 12 approved sessions.

Today I was asked, "what do you want out of the next few sessions?"

Anyone ever had this or anything similar? How did you answer because I had no clue. If there's nothing left to "do" with me from a professional standpoint, then is there really any point to continuing? Why don't we just can the remaining sessions and put me out at the curb?

Sorry, just upset, don't know what to ask for in terms of "therapeutic support" now and can't help but feel I'm getting the brush off here.

 

[Smushroom]

I actually think it is great that your T asked you that. I wished my T had asked me that earlier on.

I think your T has just given you an opportunity to tell him/her what you would like to see happen, or what issues you would like to work on together for the remaining few sessions. They don't always know what is going on in our heads.

My T told me to tell her if she was leading me down the wrong path. For example, I could tell her something about falling out of a tree in the backyard of my grandfathers house (totally random made up situation) and she might choose to focus on discussing me falling out of the tree, when in fact, my issue is with the backyard of the house. She told me I need to stop her if she is taking the wrong path, because they don't know. They can only judge by our reactions and what information we offer.

I think that is all that is happening here. I think your T maybe wants input as to what you would find most beneficial to work on.

I apologise, I dont know what you mean by S.I.T either...

 

[NarcSis]

S.I.T is Stress Innoculation Training - usually comes after trauma treatment, since trauma treatment is now contraindicated for me. The thing for me is, I get all of the S.I.T techniques but I still have extreme difficulty with judgement and confidence in my own decisions/judgements. I never know if I'm on the wrong track or pushing too hard and I just wish there was some practical way to help guide me other than, "well, that's up to you to decide."

I've pushed too hard in the past, stubbornly pushed past limits hoping to 'get rid' of this PTSD, waiting for that one miraculous day when I'd be 'normal' again. Now I see that is not going to happen, but how in the world do I know what to ask for in terms of therapy when I'm not familiar with what therapies would be beneficial to me at this point? Can I actually say to her, I don't know, you're the professional, I'm not sure what would be beneficial at this point.......support? Help finding a job? Referral to an employment counsellor or something else?

If I leave and enroll in school, or get a new job, therapy is done, no more funding....that being said, she seemed to indicate yesterday that she sees no point in applying for more sessions, so regardless, I'm done completely in three sessions anyway.

The place I'm at now is a trauma centre, they deal with trauma (clients are mostly first responders) and she seems to indicate that they have a good recovery rate, but she's never seen someone like me - who is not returning to the field....????? So are they really only treating ASD? It confuses me that all medics go back to being medics or are suddenly okay with non-road positions in the same environment when I cannot stand even the simplest reminder of the job itself.

Don't know. I guess from here on in, I've been helped all that anyone can help me and I'm on my own....?

 

[Hashi]

The thing for me is, I get all of the S.I.T techniques but I still have extreme difficulty with judgement and confidence in my own decisions/judgements. I never know if I'm on the wrong track or pushing too hard and I just wish there was some practical way to help guide me

Is this in itself something you could ask to look at during your last sessions? I don't know if it's something that comes under the therapy you're having, or whether you could discuss ways to work on it after the 12 sessions are complete?

...she seems to indicate that they have a good recovery rate, but she's never seen someone like me - who is not returning to the field....????? So are they really only treating ASD? It confuses me that all medics go back to being medics or are suddenly okay with non-road positions in the same environment when I cannot stand even the simplest reminder of the job itself.

Don't know. I guess from here on in, I've been helped all that anyone can help me and I'm on my own....?

I'm sorry that you're having to finish therapy when you don't feel ready to go back out into the world with confidence or a clear sense of direction. It sounds like this is quite specific therapy, though, and perhaps what it can offer is limited. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong or unhelpable about you, just because this can be enough for other people and it hasn't been enough for you. It only means that you need something more.

I had therapy at a trauma centre which was available for up to a year. This wasn't anything like enough for me, and in fact they gave me two extensions - which was exceptional - but then said they couldn't extend it any further. It made me feel hopeless that other people apparently got what they needed and moved on in less than a year, sometimes only a few months, while I felt unhealed, lost and abandoned after almost two years. It made me feel that there was no help for me, I was beyond anyone being able to help me.

That wasn't the case, though. I've finally found another therapist and type of therapy which are right for me, and really helping. You've said things in your posts here that I think you could work on with another therapist/therapy. It might also be worth considering therapy that includes looking at life direction and sense of purpose as well as the effects of trauma (in my case, this has been key).

I realise you might need to fit this into insurance, employer or financial constraints. During your last sessions together, could your current therapist help you think about and apply for another type of therapy to start after this finishes?

 

[NarcSis]

I have no further funding, this was a "workplace accident" and since I'm not recovering and obeying the insurance company's expectations of me (returning to work) my income support and funding for therapy are being terminated.

It's now an idiotic fight, I no longer have an income, my employer is being stubborn in terms of accommodating my current condition, my lawyer says I shouldn't quit and the insurance company says I'm not cooperating with their efforts to return me to work...."returning to work has nothing to do with what you want".

No one is taking seriously what I NEED nor willing to take my advice because I'm the "mentally ill" one.

My therapist is advising me to quit and walk away from all and any reminders of this trauma.

So all of this inconsistency in information flying at me is not helping me, number one adequately navigate my recovery and number two, assist in having faith in any of my own decisions.

How am I supposed to know what I need when I feel I'm backed into a corner and being pulled at from all directions? I don't know anything anymore, I'm just so confused.

What type of help do I need because after 8 sessions with this woman, I feel no different than I did from the start.

 

[Hashi]

No one is taking seriously what I NEED nor willing to take my advice because I'm the "mentally ill" one.

I'm taking you seriously.

What advice would you like to give people, or were you trying to give people, if they would only listen?

 

[NarcSis]

Plain and simply, Employer, let go of your obstinate clinging to your stupid policies and work WITH me to find a way to best accommodate what it is I am dealing with here because Lord knows this disorder is no where near as simple as it appears on paper.

I gave them 15 years of dedication so they can F me over????

(Anger, Anger, Anger)

Workers comp received 15 years of my premiums so that they can also screw me over by ignoring my right as a worker to appropriate accommodation or retraining??

If I could get hired somewhere else I'd leave this entire bureaucratic nightmare behind me - but I can't get a job without experience or retraining.....with no income who can afford retraining?

I'm stuck in a living nightmare.
I've got bills to pay.
I have difficulty being alone in public.
I can't make simple decisions, let alone big ones.
I can no longer assert myself like I used to, I go numb and feel vulnerable.

Am I really supposed to go from a 70G job to minimum wage fighting to keep a roof over my head and suffering continuous additional stress?

I don't know what any of that translates into in terms of therapeutic help - I guess she nor anyone else can help me anymore.

 

[Hashi]

...my lawyer says I shouldn't quit

... My therapist is advising me to quit and walk away from all and any reminders of this trauma.

...So all of this inconsistency in information flying at me is not helping me, number one adequately navigate my recovery and number two, assist in having faith in any of my own decisions.

I gave them 15 years of dedication so they can F me over????

(Anger, Anger, Anger)

Is there still a question of pursuing a legal claim? Sorry to ask that if it depends on money you don't have. I just wonder if that's the only action at the moment in line with how you're feeling.

Is there any hope of getting justice if you can still pursue this legally?

What your therapist says doesn't even sound possible - how could you walk away from reminders when your whole life situation is now a reminder? I can't help saying - what sort of therapist advises people to walk away from thinking about their issues, anyway?

I can't see how your current therapist can possibly help you, given what you've said.

I don't see that it rules out any other type of therapy helping, but obviously I can see that money issues could.

It's unjust. I'm sorry.