What Are You Thinking?

[Upside Down Eagle]

In the end the Facebook thing turned out better than expected. I wrote on Facebook that I hated Facebook, and people started telling me that I could what'sapp or email them. Since then I've emailed some of my friends about my problems. They still don't get it, but it's better than living in silence.

I wish my non eating would make me lose weight.

I suposse having a little extra weight can be a bad thing for ones auto-esteem and also for the way they feel other people look at them. Myself I've been losing weight explosively in the last weeks. It's really bad, starting to become quite emaciated. When I don't weight enough I see dark patches, feel dizzy, have a complete lack of energy. No fun.

I am thinking I would like to stop thinking.

Oh, totally. I'm thinking I wish my brain stopped making associations where there are none. I wish I could just see the world through my own eyes again and not through the haze of millions of misplaced connections. PTSD tries to connect to everything I see, everything I do, everything I eat and drink and hear...

 

[Britt.f7]

I'm thinking I'm a horrible procrastinator. Actually I'm quite good at it. Need to get myself in gear. I have a lot to do today, and the next coming days. Not looking forward to it. Well, with the exception of lunch with my sister and a breakfast with my husband. The rest involves doctors.

 

[EverOnly358]

I'm so frustrated! :banghead: Why does everyone expect me to know what to do and how to fix everything so everyone is happy?! :confused: I'm the super crazy person... why the hell is everyone looking to me to figure things out? :wacky:

It was just a week and a half ago that I was super, super crazy, and no one really noticed or said too much about it. :O_o: I just feel like an alien, unable to function like the beings of planet Earth. :alien: Whatever! :shifty: I'm fine with being weird. :joyful: Weird is good.

 

[Definitely..maybe]

I'm thinking that maybe in two or three weeks when I have several changes happening I might start to heal.

That would be amazing!

 

[Britt.f7]

I'm thinking that if I wouldn't have said, when this cold began, that I never get a cold that's more then just annoying, I wouldn't be this sick now. As if it is paying me back somehow for reveling in the idea that I rarely get sick with viruses. Okay, I'm pretty near miserable now, so this virus can stop attacking me. I give!

 

[Definitely..maybe]

I think ptsd is stupid.

 

[EverOnly358]

I think ptsd is stupid.

I agree! :laugh:

 

[Meghan87]

I am thinking this is going to be a long hard battle but I am SO GLAD that I decided to read feeling good by Dr. Burns and that I just ordered another book in the mail to help me outside of my therapy sessions, I am thinking that I am eternally grateful that I met Samual and I would never have started this therapy if I never met him... I only realized I had unresolved issues that were controlling my life when I met a man that I didn't have to take care of but took care of me ... I am thinking that I wish I could take away all the pain and suffering that everyone who carries the burden of ptsd away forever, I also am tired of living in fear and having no energy and not being able to keep weight ON .... but.... without dark clouds I would not get silver linings... I am thinking if it wasn't for the bad I would not have such a high appreciation for the good..even though I may not always show it... I am thinking Thank You to everyone on this site for giving me a place to speak without judgement and with people who actually understand what its like to go through this nightmare or should I say daymare ...both are valid and make me sleep either too much or not enough

 

[Britt.f7]

I'm thinking, or wondering, or doubting, if I will be able to make this change to a healthier, physical, me. I saw a woman who was definitely overweight, having difficulty walking. I thought to myself, that will not be me. The thing is, if I don't want to be her, I need to do something now. Not later. I use to be a quick walker. Not so much anymore, but not that lady, yet, either. Saddens me that my two aunts and best friend are like that. Saddens me that they think they can do nothing to improve themselves, but they can. I have to remind myself that too. I can be better. I don't know how much better, but anything is better then where I am right now.

 

[franciemarnie]

I am thinking I will probably never watch a mob movie again. I think or rather know I have changed so much in the last few years that I can't stand watching any superfluous violence. When I think about it, Ive had no tolerance for watching any violence in a show for a while now.

Years ago before diagnosed and with all my anger buried, I was numb and - if anything - might have found catharsis in watching that stuff. Plus the early Coppola and Scorcese classics were new and well done.

I just can't stand it anymore. I had enough violence in my life. Need I say I watched part of a new mob movie tonight but turned it off.

 

[Britt.f7]

@franciemarnie Though I watch Criminal Minds, I find I can't watch other criminal shows. I do not watch any violent movies. I feel the same way, there has been enough violence in my life.

Today I am thinking, that, though I do not have any plans, for only the second time this week, I can handle it. My body needs rest. It has only been catching bits here and there. It is mending. I feel it. I am glad for a day of not running around.

 

[elisabeth]

I am thinking about an upcoming doctors apointment with my psychiatrist. I hate sitting in the waiting room because my anxiety level goes through the roof. I am hoping to try a different type of medication. Basically, i am obsessing again. It is Just another symptom i deal with. I will go over this again and again until my appointment.:barefoot: