What Are You Thinking?

[Britt.f7]

I wish my non eating would make me lose weight. It doesn't. I've really screwed up my metabolism. I need to get myself to exercise. That is the only way it is going to go anywhere. Though it didn't go anywhere the last two times I exercised for over a month. Doctor says I need to do that despite not getting number results. This is what I am thinking of right now. Frustrated.

 

[billie]

I am weighing up how much more I want to continue this battle. I want peace. But I struggle with the concept of inflicting harm or hurt onto others if I ended it. I couldn't even inflict it on my therapist. Man, this is a crappy thought. I just gotta keep saying it; it's just a thought and it holds no power over me.

 

[EverOnly358]

I don't understand the weight loss thing... because I can do everything right and not lose a pound and then do everything wrong and drop 5 pounds overnight. I do not understand! I think for me what it comes down to... is that when my PTSD is well managed, I relax a lot more, and my body isn't in freak-out mode, and I can actually lose weight... but when my PTSD symptoms are outta control, then my body is worried and hangs onto every freakin' calorie like there's a famine happening. Exercise is always good though. And as delicious as they are, carbs are my nemesis... when I avoid them, suddenly I'm happier with the numbers on the scale.

I'm struggling right now with believing good things about myself... it's too easy for me to fall back into patterns of belief like "I'm worthless" and "I don't deserve anything good" and "I'm a failure." I'm trying very hard to counter these bad voices in my head.

 

[Britt.f7]

That I'm good at procrastination. I have a doctor's appointment I need to be at in 30 minutes, but I am putting off getting ready. It's just a thyroid check, nothing major. I just hate leaving the house, especially when it is so cold out.

 

[EverOnly358]

I'm thinking that I wish I had more confidence in myself. I hate that I second guess and delay and screw up instead of just doing things and getting things done. It's annoying. It's not who I want to be. Some days I really hate PTSD. I hate that I have all these irrational fears and insecurities all the time. It's so annoying. :confused:

 

[Changing4Best]

I've been thinking about the fact that some IDs and my birth certificate and some other important records of mine have been stolen. The police are working with me, as it appears that Identity Theft may be an issue too. I'm thinking about the fact that one of the three credit reporting agencies has been refusing to send me my credit report and is asking for proofs of identity that thankfully I do have, since I had my purse with all my present IDs in it with me at the time of the robbery. However, I am upset that I have to try to get as many of the things that were stolen replaced and that this is going to be a hassle. Also through research, I have discovered that some of them cannot be replaced due to it being too many years since they were originally created. I'm mad and frustrated and hurt that someone would do this to me!

 

[Definitely..maybe]

I'm starting to realize that I don't have a life before ptsd, just a life before my ptsd was diagnosed and symptoms started getting 100x worse.

 

[Changing4Best]

I'm thinking that I really didn't know much about the symptoms of PTSD when I was diagnosed and had no way to research them then either (I was homeless then). Also thinking that I'm grateful for the therapist I had then, as she was so helpful and eventually helped me to get my own place, just because she got me into a frame of mind that I thought I could.

 

[Britt.f7]

I'm thinking that I've about had enough of this cold. Usually I only get enough to irritate me, but this has been a little more aggressive. I know I'm being a big baby about it. Thank goodness I rarely get this kind of sick.

 

[Madhather]

I am thinking I would like to stop thinking.

 

[Changing4Best]

I am thinking that I worked hard today (much harder than usual anyway) and I deserve a cookie!

 

[Definitely..maybe]

I always feel so guilty for the others around me when I have a bad day. I want to be better so bad.