What Bad Shit Have You Done - Daily, As it Comes To You, Your Past, Lets Be Honest

[Philippa]

Yeah, I've seen my fathers brothers side of the family turn really ugly when he died.

It's funny how people can act like they love and care about a person when they are alive, and then right when they have died, they completely forget about the person and make it all about the inheritance.

I used to think it was just because emotions are so intense at the time and people just kinda lose it, but now I'm not so sure. It really brings out the greedy, nasty side in people, that's for sure.

That's why I honestly don't care what or if I get anything when my parents die. As far as I'm concerned, my brothers can have it all, and I'd rather they did than fight over shit.

 

[anthony]

I told my parents to ensure they spend everything... that way there are no issues. :cautious:

 

[Philippa]

My father has been telling us for years that there will be no inheritance. I think it's his way of making sure the same thing doesn't happen when he dies. Maybe he wants us to be surprised or maybe he just wants us to not fight about it and get greedy?

There are still things I haven't received from my nanna's death that my aunty took, but it's too much hassle to chase. She can have it if it means that much to her.

 

[black_dove]

Most of the bad stuff I've done revolves around men and sex, it seems.

One of the worst examples is a few weeks after leaving an abusive, heroin-addicted boyfriend I was living with, I hooked up with a guy at work. The very same week I hooked up with two other exes, and on one of these occasions let the ex stay at my place while I went to work, then left work only to sleep with my abusive, heroin-addicted ex-boyfriend while said ex was still at my place. None of the other guys knew. Gross, and this makes me sound like an awful whore, I know. The worst part is I laughed about all of this at the time and made a huge joke out of it to all of my friends, who squirmed and laughed uncomfortably along with me (and later told me they couldn't believe I was doing that to myself.)

A few weeks after that I let another co-worker f*** me just because I was bored and he had been hounding me for months. I set it up like a one time only business transaction and initially told him "jokingly" that I needed rent money and he said he'd be willing to pay my rent if I slept with him. (I declined this in the end). However, I had rape fantasies and wanted the whole thing to be set up like that. It was.

There was another similar scenario with a mutual acquaintance that ended up much the same way, and after that I decided I just couldn't keep randomly screwing people anymore and so I did stop.

It was all very compulsive and made me feel like a disgusting, awful, trashy human being. I still don't understand it to this day, it doesn't fit in with the image of "who I am" or what I normally act like.

Ick. I feel pretty ashamed right now thinking about it.

 

[Philippa]

I've done stuff like that. Is it bad that I laughed when I read your post?

It wasn't how I normally behave at all, and I didn't even feel disgusting about it at the time, I was far too traumatized to even register what I felt. My feelings came as delayed reactions months, sometimes years later.

I read somewhere that ptsd can make us so numb that we can do things we normally wouldn't do BECAUSE we don't actually feel anything at the time. Like a temporary time living as a sociopath?

I cheated on one guy twice, and then stole his pot and moved in with another guy who was a complete mental case, and then ran off travelling around australia, and the first guy didn't know where I was...for a whole year I was gone. He managed to contact me eventually and wanted me back, after all that I'd done! I still don't know what to make of that.

 

[Heather]

Here's more: One of my boyfriends showed me in his dresser drawer a pile of money......it was a wad of hundred dollar bills. I pocketed 300.00 dollars. I needed to pay my car payment. I did. Then I had about 80.00 dollars left over which I could've returned but I didn't.

Another boyfriend I stole 60.00 dollars from. With this boyfriend I also tried drugs for the first time. He had some pills that we took. I'm not even sure what they were. I also knew he sold drugs.

I was also cheating with my cousin's boyfriend in highschool while she was visiting her aunt in Texas.

I also dated someone in my Geometry class that alread had a girlfriend and she was not very happy about it.

 

[NIKI]

One day I was looking in my father's drawer, (for what I have no idea) I saw that was where he kept all his emergency money. There were hundreds of dollars all in twenties.

I used to go in there and take 20 or 40 dollars whenever I felt like it! One day after I had been doing it for years he asked me if I had been taking money out of his drawer. I looked at him like he had two heads, said I didn't know anything about any money.

I figured he owed me the money for the abuse I had to suffer!!!!!!!!!!!! I still do not feel guilty about it at all! I have never stolen money from anyone else in my life just him.

 

[amethist]

I used to take money from my ex husband all the time, though always from his dirty laundry. He had a habit of leaving notes in his trouser pockets, though never asked me if I had found it. Minimum would be around £15 though there were time when there was considerably more.

I now see it was pay back for all the money I did not know about, that he spent on which ever bit of skirt he was chasing at the time.

 

[Heather]

Here's more: One of my boyfriends showed me in his dresser drawer a pile of money......it was a wad of hundred dollar bills. I pocketed 300.00 dollars. I needed to pay my car payment. I did. Then I had about 80.00 dollars left over which I could've returned but I didn't..

This boyfriend deserved it.

He lied to me about everything. His job, where he went, what he did, he stole things from my mother's house and he cheated on me!

So, I really don't feel bad about this one either.

 

[Philippa]

One day I was looking in my father's drawer, (for what I have no idea) I saw that was where he kept all his emergency money. There were hundreds of dollars all in twenties.

I used to go in there and take 20 or 40 dollars whenever I felt like it! One day after I had been doing it for years he asked me if I had been taking money out of his drawer. I looked at him like he had two heads, said I didn't know anything about any money.

I figured he owed me the money for the abuse I had to suffer!!!!!!!!!!!! I still do not feel guilty about it at all! I have never stolen money from anyone else in my life just him.

I've kinda taken on the same thinking towards my father, though a part of me, the independent "I want nothing from you" side wants to pay him back, just so I don't owe him anything and he can't use it as manipulative fodder.

He took me to Europe a few years ago, and even said I don't have to pay him back (I think he was feeling guilty and wanted to make himself, as me feel better). He also paid for my teeth to be worked on by a dentist when I had trouble with them...which I'm grateful for. And he paid my bond after I was homeless, for the home I moved into, which was nice of him.

I actually want to pay him back, but I'm not in the position to financially right now...and part of me sometimes goes "Meh...forget about it...we're almost even", but money doesn't really heal emotional scars. It did make my life better though when I really needed help. He has always been good at offering practical help and support, I'll give him that.

 

[The Albatross]

I had a dog, Micah that was a terrier mix. He grew up stressing about men because it was at the height of my parents violence towards each other and us. He could jump really high, about shoulder high (I was already at 14 as tall as my dad 5' 5". I trained him with verbal commands and finger signs to jump vertical and through a hula hoop. When I was ordered to the yard, I taught him to jump and encouraged him to bite or snap on command. One night my parents were really going at it as I came in from the back yard. I gave Micah the command, he didn't like my dad anyway and my dog jumped up and bit (nipped really) him in the shoulder. On my command. It slowed him down long enough for my mother to get away and I grabbed the dog and locked myself in the garage til he was gone. Good dog.

Later on though my parents had to go through concilliation (spelling?) court and a condition of his returning home to try again was I had to find a home for the dog.

 

[The Albatross]

About a 6 months later, my dad attacked her again and I hit him in the head with a two by four. He moved out for the last time and in with his girlfriend. They divorced. I was still 14.