What Bad Shit Have You Done - Daily, As it Comes To You, Your Past, Lets Be Honest

[Tabitha]

When I was 16, I knew my father smoked pot, so out of spite for him never being there for me, I called the cops and reported him.

I've lied alot.

I broke someone's heart and while I wouldn't necessarily want that person back, I'd love to be able to hear her say that she forgives me, so that maybe I can start forgiving myself.

 

[mamachick]

I must be a really evil nasty person-I dont have to go back to my youth to think of crappy things I have done. A few yrs ago when I dated a guy that said he was a recovering alcoholic, but he was active-when he was drunk I said horrible things to him. I know I was having ptsd symptoms and a recent tbi of a couple of months, and drunks remind me of my mother-usually any of them. He was a jackass, but I lowered myself to be a jackass with him. It was as though I could not control my emotions at times and nasty rolled out of my mouth, particularly as I increased my drinking to tolerate him. Wow, I was crazy. Actually, there was a period where anytime I felt threatened or trapped or attempts to control me, I went a little nuts verbally, and said hurtful things. Often it was under the influence of alcohol as well. I can reflect and see how it came about but I regret it. Underneath the pain, I do not want to hurt others and I know I did. At times in my life I have had weak boundaries, and when I have had enough I have been awful. Since it is out of ordinary for me, others have not taken it well. For the most part, the people I have said it to, I am glad they are out of my life, but I regret that I could not get them out of my life without hurting them.

 

[melody]

I've attempted suicide... I was a bad mom and even though I didn't beat my kids, I was extremely hard on them.
I am one of those insane drivers that gives people the finger when they piss me off.
The worst thing... I treat myself like absolute crap! I tell myself things like I'm ugly, fat, selfish and I don't deserve to be alive. That I must have done something really bad in my lifetime to deserve what I got in life and that if I don't smarten up, something else really bad is going to happen to me.

 

[mamachick]

Melody, I attempted suicide too, and that scared my children horribly. I have put them through the ringer worrying about me, and caused other family to worry as well. They say suicide is selfish, and it may be, but often what leads to it is a true belief that you dont belong and others would be better off, feeling like a burden to others, etc. I really believed, leading up to the attempt, that in the long run I would be doing them a favor.

Melody, I hope you can treat yourself better, and dispute those negative messages that come through. Maybe make a list of good things and write them on note cards, and when you start that crappy thinking, pull em out and read the good and focus on the good.

 

[Marie E.]

I dumped to jail bird guys for an upgrade with a cop

 

[sea]

Could fill books with it.... Okay I will try but it will probably look really shitty comparatively (as in ppl will wonder why I am not in jail forever)

Bad things I've done...will put down a few I guess..."a few"...

Had sex with/manipulated people for drugs, food, money, clothes, med supplies, etc (also a few times had sex with cops so they wouldn't arrest me, lol law enforcement at work)
Had sex with/manipulated most of my teachers in school
Had sex with/manipulated pretty much everybody I could since I was like 4
Beat people up/got in fights
Racist
Sexist
Homophobic
Shot someone fatally, helped save them... I doubt that mitigates it tho (Adult)
Threatened to shoot up a house including 4 people (Teenager)
Stole medical supplies from hospitals
Robbed people (Stole pills, stole at least 300$ worth of DXM in the span of a week at a time, took people's valuables and sold them for drugs, etc)
Got high all day every day for years on end
Beat the crap out of my dad
Choked my martial arts instructor until he passed out
Hurt people in prison (mostly not by choice)
Cut up (already dead) animals as a kid
Threw my wife across the room
Drank/got high and drove a few times (ran over a squirrel once)
Never played with my kid/never hugged him or praised him or showed him any emotion really
Hit my kid once (hallucination)
Hit my wife a bunch (hallucination [not recently]/asleep [recently])
Told my closest neighbor when I was 11 that she should give her dad blowjobs bc it will make him happy with her and teaching her how cause I thought I was doing her a favor cause I was awful (um first time admititng that one :cry:)
Found and hid animals on my dad even though he would eventually find them and killed them..probably responsible for the death of like 300 animals over 18 years
Broke my dogs neck after my dad threw him into a tablesaw cause he was still alive
Screamed at people
Didn't report anybody for anything
Shoved a concrete block at someone and knocked them down the stairs
Homicidal thoughts daily (recently)
Suicidal thoughts daily (recently)
Constantly got into fights
Failing to save people
Responsible for people dying
Doing drugs and letting people do whatever they want to me cause I don't care and I'm stupid
Ignore my family (recently)

That's all I can think of right now... :notworthy: (I can't f*cking believe I even wrote any of this down. I have to go panic forever now.)

 

[shell]

I wagged Sunday school
I wagged school
I stole change out of mums purse, friends money boxes and chocolate from the shop.
I got drunk and drank under age regularly
Had sex with no commitment
Cheated on boyfriends
Lied all the time to avoid getting into more trouble as a kid
Bullied a girl at primary school just because she had a funny accent
Was mean to the dog when it ripped all the washing of the line and tore it,
Was mean to another dog when he ripped out all the new plants out that I had put in about an hour before and chewed them into tiny pieces - totally lost it.
Drove after drinking a couple of times
Lied to friends at work because I didn't want to go out
Said mean things when I've been angry

 

[sea]

Just for future reference, the racist/homophobic/sexist stuff was meant to say (teenager, teenager, teenager)

I am no longer homophobic (as in hating of gay people, though I do still have an amount of fear due to trigger issues of my own which I am trying to sort out),

Racist (Did not believe that I was superior to black people because I was white or anything, i just mostly didn't know how to talk any better cause of my dad, used to go around calling people f***in n****rs and stuff, cause that's what my dad always said. It was just really crappy. and by the time I left highschool I understood it perfectly and wasn't racist anymore),

or Sexist (Once again never thought I thought I was better than women because I was a man, but I grew up with a poor example of how to treat women, so I made some pretty stupid mistakes in trying to relate to women, until I researched it and grew out of it through knowledge)

 

[Oberons Wife]

I think the 'writing bitch on a thousand bits of confetti' can be classed as Installation Art.
Wish I'd thought of it.
My Mother certainly is one, but I'm the other end of the scale: only once raised my voice and that was to shout at my mother that the man she was handing my son over to was an effing murderer and paedophile. I feel guilty about the language and the shouting, but the logical me knows this is just because of so much indoctrination. Someone should have screamed at her to stop her behaviour 40 years before, but everyone was too intimidated by her. So I guess my worse behaviour is being so scared of life that things have escalated when I should have insisted that the police listen to me.

 

[Marie E.]

Judge in Canada handed both my kids over to my abusive pedophile ex just in Sept. I can relate to you on that and for having a bitch mother as well. Tell me if I am wrong.

 

[Oberons Wife]

Oh no, that's terrible. My heart breaks for you all.

I don't know what the system is like in Canada, it's pretty dreadful here (England), but waaay better than it used to be.

Have you any support to keep trying to get it all sorted so your kids are safe?

The paedophile after my son was a 'friend' of my mothers; we haven't seen my son's father for 14 years, he was too weak to stand up to my mother, and ran away when the going got tough (She refused to speak to him,even to acknowledge his existance because he's working class!). My son and I ran away to Scotland (400 miles away) when the paedophile got out of prison. But we were lucky, I worked out what was happening before it all got too far; we were still at the 'grooming' stage. But he had served 8 years for the manslaughter of a previous victim. So why is this guy allowed out?

I found out when we were living in Scotland that it's the fourth worse country in the whole of Europe at prosecuting rape, and men try and get divorced from there as they get so much of a better deal. Archaic. Really crappy.

WE should all be safe wherever we live. I feel so let down by the state. The State is more of a psychopath than the perps.

My heart goes out to you.

Do you live near enough to have contact with your kids?

I hope you find the strength to hold on in there.
x

<Full line spaces inserted between paragraphs by Amethist>

 

[Marie E.]

To start with, well the judge said the forensic interview he watched as well, that he believed I coached my older son and my younger son as well with all those damn psychological evaluators my ex hired. I was too scared to go to the cops and took no pictures. Judge told me, no evidence, so he didn't believe me. (Thank God I am not scared to date a cop right now, new to me and I love it! As of yesterday and I know him btw!)

Ex got has full custody and I am waiting for the paper work to hit my po box so that I can have my (gay) supervised phone calls.

I live here in the states - Colorado and my kids live in Vancouver B.C.

Btw, yes I am holding onto whatever strength I can muster. This forum and the people help me out more than general society could ever do!!