What Bad Shit Have You Done - Daily, As it Comes To You, Your Past, Lets Be Honest

[alixipain]

I was extremely isolated, alone and withdrawn in 8th grade and that last post just reminded me of a bunch.

In 8th grade I:
...did some rotten things let's leave it at that.

8th grade I hanged another student out the 3rd floor window and was about to drop him because he called me a fag. He knew my brother.

My brothers friends would always try to push me around, to stop it I torched one of their cars in the parking lot. The boy tried to fight with me I put him in the hospital for two months.

I set off a skunk bomb in the ventilation ducts at school, it was closed for 2 months.

I showed other students how to make nitro glycerin in science class.

I showed other students how to make plastic explosives (its amazing no one did then, as the kids do today)

A boy in school grabbed my butt in school I broke his arm at the elbow.

Anyone that would touch me in school would get a broken arm from it and I would get suspended for a month. One boy got me suspended for a year he grabbed me in the crotch I went nuts on him, crushed his larynx.

10th grade I burned another students car to the ground because he knew my older brother and kept trying to set me up with girls he had pictures of a girl I knew and liked well. He had pics of them having sex he would always have sex with girls just to take their virginity and dump them, she found out it was just for the sex and shot herself so I burned his car to the ground.

I dont let myself around children because I sometimes dream of sexually assulting them.

 

[alixipain]

Had sex with animals (past/ stopped 6 years ago)
Have murderous thoughts (pressent)
Used drugs to escape (past)
Presented myself to men and women as a servant to them for their sexual pleasures (past/stopped 15 years ago)
Made false witness against another soldier to have them relieved of duty. (A former CO)

 

[atl22]

When I was very young, about 7 or 8, we were very poor and I would get bored. There was no place to go play, all the empty lots were fenced in to prevent people from dumping dead bodies. The only park in the area was controlled by an enemy gang that would shoot you for going there. We invented our own games. We would wait until the end of the month, when the junkies were out of money and waiting for their government checks. They would get weak and start to cave in, shaking. So we would make fun of them, asking them if they wanted some heroin, how bad did they feel, and we would tell them that they weren't going to make it. We would get empty baggies and shake them, trying to make them chase us. They never could catch us, and if they did, we had butterfly knives to stab them.

We would also make fun of the prostitutes, just the mean ones that tried to take our lunch money on the way to school. We would tell them that they were so ugly that they would never get a trick. They could never catch us because they wore heels and they couldn't take them off to run because of the broken glass that was everywhere. I was 7 but very, very mean.

 

[Philippa]

Lets see. Starting from grade school. I partook in the bullying of this Italian kid at our school, though I wasn't the head bully, I was more like one of their followers who bullied because everyone else was doing it and I didn't even know why. I think I was just trying to avoid getting bullied myself. Not proud of that one.

Me and another girl thought it would be funny to send a piece of dog poo in an envelope to another friends who lived on the other side of the country, so, by the time it reached her it was about 2 days later. Apparently it stunk up the post office so badly they couldn't even deliver it. We didn't even hate her...we just randomly thought it would be funny to do this to her.

Me and another girlfriend once were at a club, and we were pretty drunk and both liked this one guy, but his friend wasn't our type. They took us back to their house and the guy we liked passed out on us, so we tied him to a chair with gaffer tape, and I mean, we REALLY tied him to it, taped his mouth and eyes and covered him in whatever food we could find and took polaroids. Then the friend thought he was going to get lucky with us both, so we played along and tied him to his bed, covered him in apricot jam and then left....I still don't know how they would have gotten out of that one. It would have been ages before the first guy became conscious again, so the other guy must have been stuck lying their , half naked, for a while.
We also stole a whole bunch of stuff from their house before we left.

Once I had sex with a guy when I was about 20 and living in sydney with a girlfriend...but I was on acid, and I kinda freaked out half way through it, and made him drive me home. He was a nice guy, but for some reason I alluded to another guy whom I was sorta seeing at the time, that he had forced me...which wasn't true. I don't know why I did it, and I nearly got him beaten up except that my friend caught onto the fact that I was lying and ended up getting on my case about it...and quite rightly. That was the one thing that I felt most unproud of in my life. I could have really messed that guys life up, and he was nothing but nice to me. I was a bitch.

After discovering that my ex had been cheating on me, or, at least, I had a very reasonable hunch that he was, and a guy who knew him had come up to us at a party and congratulated him, right in front of me, on his score...which he then lied about to me...I wrote an e-mail telling him that his penis was too small for me anyway, and sent it to his work (he worked for a university where the e-mails are tracked by security, which I knew...so security would have read it.) I would also say things in public to try and embarrass him, like at his local grocers, where people would see him every day...and would say really mean stuff to him. LIke one time, when I came over to his house and found him surrounded by whipped cream bulbs (he was really into nitrous oxide), I stood up and said "this is what you do for fun...I'm not like you" and climbed out his window and left him their dazed and confused. It was silly of me really, as I had taken a few bulbs and had to walk back to the train station off my chops. I should have just stayed put.

I've lashed out at so many people on this other forum I'm a part of, and hurt this one guy the other day infact. I've since apologized though and we're all gravy again. I have noticed that I push people away a lot. I have in the past gone without friends , by choice, for long periods of time. Society would call me a loser, but I chose to be that way, and preferred it for a long time.

I told my mother once that I felt no particular bond for her...which was very hurtful.

I cheated on a man I was living with one time, and deliberately wanted him to find out by leaving a letter addressed to the guy I was sleeping with under our bed, so that he would hate me and dump me, because I just felt so uncomfortable about rejecting him. I had the hardest time breaking up with him, so I wanted to make it easier on myself...and it worked. He took me back though, like an idiot, and I then went on to have sex with random people on trains, and in public parks in broad daylight and at night, not a care in the world...one time, right after he'd dropped me off at the train station after we'd had sex! I was pretty messed up though...I was escaping a stalker from my hometown, who had sexually assaulted me...and was in sydney to try and make him forget about me, and so I was protected...but I did all this unusual sexually explicit stuff after that...like sex in public...public humiliation etc. I'm talking right in front of people. There was a granny sitting right in front of us, though I'm pretty sure she didn't hear a thing...but others definately did. I was quite young though, just 23, and the guy I was with wasn't very exciting in bed, so I sort of found my own excitement.

Wow, talk about exposure therapy! I feel so exposed.:D

I used to do stupid stuff like try and make my ex jealous by kissing other guys right in his full view...which I would get off on, when I was like 17.

That's all I can think of right now.

Oh yeah, I also once broke someones window with the very first egg that I threw, when on an egging rampage with some female school friends. The cops got called and we ended up being chased through a park by this fat cop who was really out of shape. When he eventually did catch us, we circled him and all started lying out our arses to him and managed to convince him that we had seen the 7 booners in a panel van go that way (even though there were 7 of us and we were in flannels...he didn't seem to make the connection...not too bright.) He let us go and we ran home, and then about an hour later we saw them looking around the place...for us I think, they had worked it out eventually.

We'd steal peoples mail and read it. One time I wish we hadn't. We opened this one letter and it was addressed to my friends neighbour, and read it while we were getting high. It turned out to be a cry for help from some boy who was needing to be rescued from some sort of ritual abuse cult that he'd been drawn into. It was really freaky. He sounded serious as cancer, and we ended up putting it back in a new envelope and returning it to the neighbours mailbox. Freaky shit.

Once, when we were all kids, mum and dad drove us to sydney to pick up my grandparents from the airport. I was playing with a straw and decided to poke my brother right in the eye with it. I knew it would hurt and it was deliberate. I could be sadistic at times.

I also used to masturbate right next to them in the backseat, and I'm sure they never once noticed. I got off on the risk of getting caught, and would get bolder and bolder the more often I didn't get caught. I did that a lot as a kid.

One time I even rubbed myself against my pet cat, when I was about 13...though she did freak out and scratch me. Probably a good thing. I thought I was seriously sick for years after that. That was when I still thought God was watching my every move. I never told anyone that until about a year ago when I confessed it on a confessional website...while my workmates were right outside the office I was typing it from. I do stuff like that alot, right under peoples noses.

I also had an abortion when I was nearly 4 months gone...without an anaesthetic. Had I known I was that far gone before hand I probably would not have gone through with it, definately not without an anaesthetic that's for sure.

I tried to kick my mother in the face when I was wigging out after I had stopped taking my meds abruptly. I'd wanted to kill them both at various times, as well as other people.

 

[Philippa]

Once I brought a man home to my parent house and had sex with him, knowing my father would hear us as their room was right next door. The next morning when he was leaving I actually introduced him to my father, and I know he was holding back the anger, and it made me smile.

I used to be pretty mean from the age of 0-21. I really enjoyed being mean too...it felt good to me...powerful. I have consciously cultivated kindness since then, and redefined what power is to me, as I evolved to not wanting to be that way anymore, but there are times when I miss being mean, and cruel and taking drugs in copious amounts. I have a sadistic side that I keep to myself. I don't let it out much these days, and I don't practise manipulation except for basic stuff like manipulating a conversation towards way I want to talk about rather than just putting up with hearing people talk about the weather.

I've also started viewing hardcore bondage porn on the internet, I think when I am in deep emotional pain, I watch these women submitting to torture and it somehow distracts me from my own pain. I'm not even into it really...though I used ot have masochistic tastes when I was younger. I think I just find it interesting what different people find fun.

I've killed countless bugs and also taken almost all the drugs that are out there, though I consider that to be an essential part of my personal evolution, and wouldn't change it for anything, I had a blast.

I did abandon a pet dog that an abusive lover once gave me...as a manipulation to keep me there, isolated. I had to get away from him, and I did ask him to give me the dog, but he wouldn't, so I just left her with him...and didn't look back. One time while he was away on a business thing, I let a man I'd just met come into our home and take all his weed for us to sell, and moved in with him. I was in crisis and I think I was out of my mind.
The man I lived with, ontop of being psychologically abusive also did not pay me for over a year, and I worked along side with him in his business but he kept saying he'd pay me but didn't...and then after a year told me that I didn't really do anything worth paying for anyway. Yes, I got to live under his roof for a whole year without paying rent, but that wasn't the point. I WANTED to pay my own way so I wouldn't be under someone elses thumb, and to be independent, like I loved being.
So I got him back by letting this stranger into his house and steal his weed, and his favorite guitar, which he didn't end up taking anyway 'cos he thought it was a crap guitar.
I moved in with that guy and he was totally unwell and tried to get me to write a book exposing a pedophile ring in the Australian government, where he believed his child had been kidnapped and was being used by a prominent senator. I had no proof whatsoever, and the guy was a total DICK who just used me sexually and didn't give a shit about me.
I never told anyone about that, though it wasn't the worse thing I did, but I was really really humiliated and full of remorse and guilt that I did that to the guy I lived with, and that I did it to myself as well...got myself in that crazy situation with someone I didn't even know. I lived with him for about 4 months before I finally wisened up and ran off to Port Douglas.

I lived under my brothers roof in Port for 6 months without paying rent or contributing financially, and my standards of not taking other peoples stuff and contributing, as I once started out believing in and having full intentions, fell by the wayside, and I became a housemate who never bought toilet paper, hardly did the dishes and didn't really talk to anyone. I was seriously depressed though, so I try to take that into account. The personality does relaly change when you are clinically depressed.

 

[Philippa]

I also got away with not paying for tram and train tickets for a while, and deliberately didn't call my mother on her birthday last year. I haven't sent her a card or said Happy mothers day for years now, because I refuse to. She hasn't been mother of the year for a long time. I've been wanting to call her lately though, but I am so stubborn, she never calls me either. I also don't call dad on fathers day.

 

[Philippa]

I sneak time on the internet at work when I am supposed to be working. I've been given the talking to before by my supervisor as she knew I was doing it...and I didn't care, I still do it, though I have decided to stop and it has been two days, and I have only looked at my g-mail, and briefly here once today.

I once broke into a nunnery with a girlfriend when I was at primary school (there was a convent situated right next to our school), and we hid in this nuns dorm room, in her closet. She came into her room and we spied on her while she took her habit off (she was bald), and then she came to the closet and opened it. My friend said "Boo" to her, and scared her...and we ran out of there and back to school.

I stole a bra from K-mart once, but it didn't fit so I never wore it. I also stole some soap-oil bubbles from a chemist...and took a chocolate bar that was hanging half way out of it's wrapper.

I kicked a hole in the wall of the place I lived in with my boyfriend, a few months after I'd been sexually assaulted. I was trying to discharge some anger from a fight I'd just had with my bf. It was an accident.

I pulled the hat off a woman I was in a coven with, in public, when she specifically didn't want to show us her new hairdo. We had spent a whole year as friends, and when dad kicked me out and I ended up in a DV shelter, she didn't call me once, and then I saw her out one night and she tried to hug me like nothing happened. A week later, when I was trying to patch things up with my parents she rang and wanted to have it out with me about the incident, and wouldn't take no for an answer, even after I'd told her I was in the middle of patching up my relationship with my parents after being in a DV shelter for 6 weeks...so i snapped and yelled at her calling her a "Bossy, self-obsessed Nazi",,,which she was. I guess I may have also been projecting there?

I once drank a bottle of dad's Pernod with some friends while they were away, and got so sick my friends had to put me in the shower as I turned blue and vomitted all over the place. I lied to mum and dad about why I had to throw some of the pillows out and said I had food poisoning. It was sort of the truth, I was poisoned, but not from food.

I used to steal dads liquor a lot come to think of it.

I stood guard outside a teachers office one day while two friends stole $20 out of the teachers wallet...and then decided to put it back at the last minute. I saw the teacher coming just as they were but didn't signal them in time and ran off, so they got busted, and then later hassled me for not telling them and letting them take all the punishment (they were the ones who wanted to and actually did steal the money though,so...)

I wanted to kick the legs out from a ladder that was holding an old man who decided to take ALL the fruit from our loquet tree one day. When I asked him to leave some for us, he flicked his hand at the rotting fruit on the ground and said we could have those ones!!! (He lived across the road and thought that his status as longest living resident in the street entitled him to take other peoples fruit without asking. I seriously wanted to make him fall so his face went head first into the rotting fruit, but stopped myself.

I once faked a suicide to get attention, when I was about 15/16 by waking up early and putting on make up so I looked really pale and greyish, and wrapped a stocking around my neck and went back to bed to wait for my mother to come in and wake me...to scare her. It was more to see her reaction and see if she really loved me. Pathetic I know.
About a month later a girlfriend did the same thing to me as an april fool's "joke". I went to her house and her sister opened the door in a frantic mess and grabbed me pulling me to the bathroom where I saw my friend sitting on the bathtub with what looked like both her wrists cut, and what looked like blood everywhere. I grabbed her wrists and put them straight under the tap water, and then she started laughing hysterically and said "April Fools". I realized then how not funny suicide pranks really are.

I once threw my cat on my grandmothers lap, knowing that it would make the cat get her claws out when she landed. I did it to get back at her for something...I think I was jealous of how much time she and my mother spent together, and what good friends they were. I never felt like I was very close to my mother, and I wanted to be friends, but she never seemed to really like me very much, and one time I walked in just as she was telling my brother that she didn't like me...it hurt.

 

[Philippa]

I considered killing my father in his sleep while I was travelling with him in Europe. I fantasized about it.

I also had some pretty violent fantasies involving this woman who messed me around when I was really in need of friends and support, after I'd been sexually assaulted. The fantasy was so incredibly violent that I cannot repeat it here, and could not, at the time, believe that it had come from inside me. It shocked and scared me so much.

I fantasized about breaking every bone in the body of the person who sexually assaulted me, and then burying him alive out in the woods where no one would ever find him, with only a straw poking out of the ground so he could breath, so he would be forced to just lie there, broken but alive and have to breath until he died from starvation and lack of water. I had that fantasy so many times after he did that to me. I also painted a picture of the Furies (Demon goddesses of Vengeance unto women who had been harmed by men) and visualized them surrounding him (they are winged) and lifting him off the ground and flying him to a lonely location, dropping him and playing with him till he pissed himself and fell to his knees begging them to stop...scared out of his wits.

Wow...I've really done a lot of naughty to bad stuff in my life. It's weird to have it all out in this long list. I never realized there was so much. But I have learned from all of it, and become a better person. I'm a great person actually. Some things I did I am really ashamed of and other stuff, just not proud of myself for, and there are lots of things in that list that I can look at and laugh and relive how it was in my youth and it's part of life to go through all that naughtiness and breaking the rules etc...I don't really regret anything...except moving in with that f*cking loser who took advantage of me when I was in crisis and wasn't there for me when I nearly got jumped and kidnapped on the way home from work. Never have I met anyone as entitled and selfish as that piece of shit. Then again, maybe he is here on this forum confessing to having done this shit to a young woman years ago and feels bad about it? I haven't read anything that sounds like it though and some people never own up to their bad deeds until they are about to die...and then it's too late.

It's all just an experience though, so I guess I had to learn from that too.

 

[Heather]

I've been avoiding this but I think I'm ready to 'fess up. Several years ago I stole my mothers ATM card and pilfered a few thousand dollars out of her account. This happened over several months. She eventually found out. And I DON'T feel bad about it one bit.

My counselor said the only way I could get back at her was to, "hit her in her pocketbook". I've never paid her back and I have no intentions of doing so.

 

[Philippa]

I tried to kick my mother in the stomach once, when I had abrubtly stopped taking my meds and my father had just hit me hard across the face for getting angry over a bottle of wine she just took and drank and replaced with a different bottle. My boyfriend had given me the bottle as a gift, and she just drank it and replaced it with the wrong bottle and then tried to convince me it was the right bottle when it clearly wasn't.

Anyway, I'd just been sexually assaulted and was very scared and angry and that was a catalyst for the episode. It doesn't make it right what I did, but there were some VERY extenuating circumstances, and I would never have behaved that way if I were not in a very difficult position. There was also a very real chemical imbalance going on in my brain at the time, which didn't help. But it was classic ptsd stuff. That was a very unhappy time for me, and not a proud moment...for any of us.

 

[Heather]

When I told my ex that I wanted him to leave he went and told my sister that I took 2 credit cards out in his name without his knowledge and maxed them out. I DID NOT DO THIS!!!!!!:mad::mad::mad:

And to make matters worse that B*tch believed him because she hates me. And will believe anything bad that anyone has to say about me.

So, here comes the bad part. I was sooo ANGRY at what he did. When he left he didn't take all of his things. I went downstairs into the basement with a pair of scissors and shredded his clothes.

I don't feel bad about that either. What a f**K! If I had done that it would be one thing but I didn't. He knew about my rocky relationship with my sister and did that deliberately because he was pissed that I asked him to leave.

 

[NIKI]

Last time I talked to my father, I asked if he could pull off a murder/suicide of himself and my mother. He said no.