What Happened?? I Need Perspective And Clarity, All Opinions Welcome

[I am .....]

Ok so I'll start with a quick recap. I have been seeing my family GP for almost 8yrs for the general woes but also have a heart condition which requires a pacemaker/defibrillator . I was sexually assaulted by a stranger while out jogging, end of last year. After all this I was diagnosed with PTSD, DID and anxiety. So I have seen my Doctor on a weekly basis for last 7months trying to sort out meds that work etc. she's an extremely dedicated and talented GP. When I first saw GP after the assault she was very compassionate and respectful in my fragile state. My long time doctor handed me her personal mobile number and her email address. And said call when I needed to. She continued to encourage me to reach out to her. I'm not the kind of person who willingly gives away information, thoughts and feeling!

On occasions I have texted (never rang) between business hrs and emailed her and she has always replied, but the last email I sent I've had absolutely nothing in return. Despite the fact that I said at the end of my email -' given time constraints I understood she couldn't reply a lengthy response, but could she just flick me a text or email to let me know she's read it because I was feeling very vulnerable and uncentered.

Now it's been a week and I haven't heard anything, no text, no phone call , no email. I have so much to deal with at the moment this is the last thing I need. I don't know what I've done wrong! The strangest thing is I had an appointment through the week with her she never mentioned the email ( and I was too terrified to say it myself) and her body language was very different, off somehow. She would stand across the room with her arms crossed leaning back against the examination table . I don't know what to do. Maybe I'm reading too much into it and there's an innocent explanation. (I hope so cos this driving me crazy along with everything else going on.
What do you think???

 

[digger]

Presumably if you've been diagnosed with DID you have more trauma from childhood as well as the assault? Was it your GP that diagnosed you or did she refer you to someone else? Other than seeing her are you seeing a therapist as well?

Sorry for all the questions, it's hard to speculate on what's going on, but I could understand it somewhat if she is the only person you are relying on for support for this. However dedicated and good they are, that level of support for someone isn't really what GPs are trained for - maybe she is feeling like she needs to pull back and get you a more appropriate level of support?

The only person who can tell you really is her I guess.

 

[WillyKat]

First, I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Second, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation for her not replying. Sometimes emails fall into the ether and they're just not received. Lots of things can go wrong and I'm sure its not that you've done anything wrong.

I have some of the same questions digger has.

Hang in there; I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation, including the possibility that its personal for her. Our doctors are people too (well, most of them) and their lives get crappy some time and they need space.

 

[Soli]

Having just lived through something very similar with my counselor, my heart goes out to you. For me, the answer I think is "not to put all my eggs in one basket". I need to have more than one person who can listen and offer support. If you're like me you are worried about being a burden to people you know. But, people who love you don't want you to be suffering alone. Probably not everyone in your life could be as reliable and helpful as your GP. But I'm hoping you can pick at least one or two more people who are worth your confidence and trust. In the meantime, I think asking your GP what happened would clear the air. You might be surprised; her email could have been down or infected with a virus or something. I wish you peace and comfort as you sort this out.

 

[I am .....]

Thank you @digger , @WillyKat & @Soli for your perspective it really does help to see things from different points of view. Yes unfortunately I suffered childhood sexual abuse at the hands of my father and uncle. After my assault last year my doctor diagnosed me with PTSD and referred me to a trauma specialist who diagnosed me with DID.

@Soli I too am like you. I find it extremely difficult to open up but even more so to those I love for fear of burdening them. As it is I feel like a burden to my GP, Counsellor and Therapist. I can't help it. I hate how all this makes me feel so childish and more abnormal than I already do.

Thanks for listening to me vent.