What Is A Friend?

[Deleted member 1860]

A seemingly simple question but its quite complex to me.

What is a friend?

Please feel free to define a friend on a very basic level (i.e. right above acquaintance) right on up to the best of friends, and everything in between.

I am very confused right now and it is very hard for me to ask this.

Oh, but no need to define "friend" in a social media context. I sort of get that one.

Please don't make fun of me for asking such a stupid question. I don't think I could take that right now.









Not necessary to read....

Having difficulties asking for things. A friend doesn't have time to talk to me, and hasn't had time in over a month. Rather, says he doesn't have time, but I know he's had free time. We used to talk all the time. This is the same friend that disappeared last fall only to reappear 4 months later. I see the disappearing act happening all over again. He makes me feel like I'm asking too much to want to talk to him. Scratch that, he's SAID that via text. Why do I feel like I'm in the twilight zone here? I thought friends, on a very basic level, actually talked to one another? I'm not stupid. I know that if we can't sustain anything right now, there is no prayer of anything continuing once he's across the pond. In that sense, I rather move on now than be in a "friendship on a deadline" i.e. a superficial friendship at best that will end once he goes abroad.

Funny how I can ask anything here, but can't ask for shit in real life.

 

[WillyKat]

Not a stupid question at all.

Personal opinion:

• A friend has empathy for you; they feel something when your hurting. What hurts you hurts them.
• A friend is sympathetic to what you're suffering through. They express condolences when you're down. (They also celebrate when you're doing good.)
• A friend is altruistic and will once in a while do or say something nice to you for no particular reason and not just to return something you did.
• A friend reciprocates: if you do something friendly, they do too. You call, they call back.

This person I don't think sounds much like a friend to me, but then again there may be an explanation. Maybe their breaking down or something.

As I read my bullets, I think of some of my "friends" as well...maybe not.

 

[Deleted member 28740]

Perhaps we know the same person. For me, grew up all over the world. Pre internet and instant. Those friends are like my favorite books, there but not picked up every day, or month or year. Key is trust and truth, integrity in interaction. Connected time can come and go like waves, or storms. Sunny days and pouring deluge. Be careful about "time." Quality. If that is there when given, that is a friend. Open when available to give?

 

[Friday]

These people say it better than me:

Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh.
- W. H. Auden

One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood.
-Lucius Annaeus Seneca

One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives.
- Euripides

“When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.”
- Groucho Marx

It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Your friend is your needs answered.
- Khalil Gibran

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou

Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
- Debbi Hope

 

[Tanishq]

A true friend will be there for you when you need them. A true friend will listen you and help you bring your best.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I've wondered this myself. I really didn't get it. I will try to define it.
Someone who takes time to care about you when you don't expect them to.
Someone to do fun things with.
Someone who is willing to wait for your trust.
Someone you like, and will stick up for.
Someone who will do something that is not at the top of their list, just to be with you.

 

[NicG]

I think this is actually quite a deep question.
I maybe have a couple of points to add...

A best friend to me is someone who will tell me the truth and their real opinion when I ask for it, even if I won't like it
Who'll tell me if they disagree with choices I'm making, but love me and treat me the same anyway
A friend is someone who doesn't just contact me out of need - I mean I have work "friends" but the only time I talk to them is at work. Whereas earlier this week a real friend sent me some cute animal pictures just because she thought I'd smile
While I'm not always talking to them and I go some weeks without speaking to them at all, when I do talk to them, nothing has changed between us.

The activity I'm doing with a real friend doesn't matter. It's just an excuse to spend time together.
An activity with an acquaintance, however, matters... we're looking for similarities to bond over, or maybe I just wanted company with whatever I was doing.

 

[Friday]

A suggestion, if you haven't read it, is 7 Habits of Highly Successful People... Chapters on interpersonal communication, problem solving, boundaries /conflict resolution/ compromise. Had to read it for a communications class in college, and it broke things down in a really useful way.

 

[Fadeaway]

I wish I could answer this.

 

[Tanishq]

@Fadeaway you wished to know the answer and that is enough to share. One day you will work out the answer. :)

 

[jaccat]

Someone who is not afraid to be honest with you, and you let them.

 

[Rumors]

A friend will help you bury the body and never speak of it again... ;) That about sums it up...