What Is A Friend?

[Tanishq]

@Rumors That is like having friend who has very good sense of humor mixed with wisdom of let go. :laugh:

 

[joeylittle]

Since there are some good answers from the point of view of what the friend does, I will add some about what I can do for actual friends.

• I will tell them the truth about me when I need to, as much of it as is possible. Never all; but as much as I can.
• I will not assume it's about me (if/when they disappear for awhile); I will assume something's going on with them, and reach out.
• I will work hard to push through my standard feelings of shame, so that I don't bring that baggage to the friendship.
• I will trust them to not hurt me - this takes work on my part.
  
• I will listen to what they say, even if I can't actually take it in.

There are very few people I can actually do these things for. And I think, for me, they reciprocate these things. In other words, I do these things, and I believe they do these things in regards to me.

 

[illusionist]

I always remind myself, when in doubt, a friend is a human being, exactly like myself....they are allowed to make their own decisions on our relationship. Friendships can change, a lot of the time....people move on, or distance themselves for different reasons. Some come in and out of our lives again, for different reasons. Friends I had say 10 years ago, would not fit in with my lifestyle now....I change....they change.

 

[anonymous]

What is a friend?

When you are a friend to someone what expectations do you have of yourself in the relationship? What do you bring to a friendship? Might be an in to figuring out what you expect from other people.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I know you meant that for Solara, but I'm going to answer too.

I'd give my friend my last dollar, feed them, house them, help them pick themselves up. I would listen to their issues. I would do things I don't find so much fun, just to hang with them. I would offer them respect, and if I can't, I know they are not a good choice for me.

One thing I've recently learned, is that I will no longer try to be friends with someone who is toxic to me, or I am toxic to them, or we are toxic together. It doesn't work. Not for old times sake, not because the other person is bored, not because we've been friends since we were 14.

 

[darrenS]

i have both friends from my teenage years that are still very good friends , we don't get together much naturally because of the distance but when we do its like old times. I have found as ive gotten older its gotten harder to make good friends , life gets in the way, kids, commitments. When i make friends now , i tend to keep an open mind and just let it flow. I will know soon enough whether they are real or not and deal with it accordingly. I keep my outlook and needs simple , a good laugh, a connection , the ability to share. I don't depend on them which saves a lot of heart break and just let it grow.

Some will stay , some won't - but thats life. I dont tolerate flaky people but rather watch what a person does rather than what they say - i dont have expectations unless of course there is an interest beyond friendship , which then puts it in a different game and in my current state would only create problems. You also have to watch what the other person expects , particularly if there is an unspoken agenda or interest

 

[The Albatross]

I flip the question now... "How do I be a solid and consistent friend?"

 

[darrenS]

I flip the question now... "How do I be a solid and consistent friend?"

Just be yourself - know your limitations and dont over do it, enjoy the journey pitfalls and all

 

[moonbeam]

I have a few real friends and a few situational friends like work friends that I get along with but we are only friends because we have to spend so much time together in x situation. I find as soon as I leave the relationship ends. Hence friends of the situation.

Real friends don't do that. They make an effort to stay in touch (if you live on opposite sides of the world its harder but not unmanageable). One of my closest friends lives in America. We talk almost daily via instant messengers.

Real friends learn what buttons they can push to tease you and what buttons should never be pushed ever. They respect you and you respect them. Real friends don't always agree with you or the decisions you make, they will tell you the truth and then stand by your choice even if they don't like it. They don't rub it in your face when you are wrong, unless its a minor wager over who can eat more cadberys creme eggs. They always have a spare hug when you want it.

I have very few best friends. But the ones I do have I would bend the world to help them and if I couldn't I would find someone who can. And I know they would reciprocate in an instant. In fact one of my closest friends came to meet me at 2am when I was in a bad place mentally and wouldn't leave my side until he knew I was safe.

 

[Chava]

I could say lots of things, but I just want to add that a friend is not someone with the mindset of "You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours"...or keeping tabs on the balance of favors. It just doesn't matter much. When I've been feeling really shitty it's been really really hard to ask for help. My friends were probably those very few I felt okay asking for help without feeling like I had to somehow figure out the adequate way to repay them....like you pick me up at the ER, I pay you $20? No. Just if you're ever in need of a ride, just call me.

 

[WillyKat]

Agree w/ Chava. Yes, there shouldn't be a balance sheet.

If you can't pay it back, pay it forward.

 

[Sammyiam]

A true friend is that little someone that is extra special