I don't yet know how to best manage rage and its frustration. Right now it's all quietly, calmly and patiently in its place stirring inside of me. I do however know how to put it in its place, but when having to do so, it f'n hurts and keeps me awake and reaks havoc on my body.
Venting and voicing here how absolutely f'n frustrated and enraged I feel buried inside right now. What has me angry today?
Other people's continuos, continous, continuous problems and how I am needed and expected to continually help with, adjust to, help ease and problem-solve and while regularly being exposed to this, used and then simply disregarded and trashed; So much of this f'n life.
I was a supporter, therapist within the family and elsewhere, as well as, facilitator of conflict negotiations, problem-solving and motivator in helping to meet other's needs and emotional needs and painstakingly encouraging their access to their best possible rational thinking.
I give and gave countless hrs., and more, away of all that good stuff one seeks in counseling and all prior to me developing Ptsd, as well as, during my Ptsd and even as I was being abused and meanwhile I'd seldom if truly ever, utter a word about my traumas, nor needs.
Once again, tonight has been made most difficult and hopeless through other's unmanageability, their provocations, defiance, sickening all-consuming, controlling attempts and disrespect, and the more aggravation.
I am f'n angry inside! :mad:
I can't say I've had enough either, simply because presently I remain stuck and feeling trapped, helpless and hopelessly afraid.
If anyone thinks I slanted what I wrote to exaggerate or make things sound worse off then they're, well then.................(use your imagination)
I have often either hit things spot on regarding many a reality, or as a way of coping and while feeling too threatened and powerless - I've minimized realities.
...Or, while in fear - (though more frequently forgetfulness or powerlessness) ommitted certain painful realities.
I carry baggage galore surrounding 'exaggeration.' In fact, I don't like it at all. Other's practice of it -(exaggeration) has left much grief, fear and work throughout my life. I simply don't like it, nor am I inclined to ever exaggerate.
