What Should Come First No Contact Or Job Search

[kasumigenx]

I am currently planning to go No Contact, since I am working in my NFamily's business, I am currently Low Contact, I see my N's once a week, staying in a spare house of my N's, the only way I can I can heal is to remove them from my life.

What should come first NC or Job Search, if I go NC first I need to leave my N's business then move and NC then find a job, if I find a job first I will transfer jobs, move away then NC..

Which is the better choice, if I go NC first I don't know until when I will be unemployed..


I was thinking I should get any job that could make me earn some money like janitorial jobs..

 

[Sideways]

Hey @kasumigenx
Did you end up managing to start out with a T? I think it's great that you've decided to make this step for yourself. If it were me, I'd be pretty nervous about all the unknowns, so I'd want to organise a new job for myself. But it depends a lot on your circumstances - do you think getting a new job will be a problem, or fairly easy?

Either way, wishing lots of strength for you - must be very stressful.

 

[Ronin]

Job search.

Secure yourself as much as possible before cutting resources down.
You can play with communication modalities & how much you mind the bullshit these people pull while you're dependent on them, but if you're out of that you'll have existential worries, lesser space to process their nonsense, /and/ giving them the ammo to be coercive ('You're unemployed, you were so better with just sucking it up and working with/for us!') by.

 

[Justmehere]

Search for the job now, and evaluate as you go. Reduce contact even more if you can, and as you look for a job, look for an option for a therapist too. Make connections in the new area you plan to move to as well. Then when the pulls of being bonded to family come up, you will have new relationships to lean on. Breaking a trauma bond - like the bond to an abusive family AND employer is really hard to do. Set yourself up for success and the new job/no contact it can be a big launching pad into healing. As you look for a new job, they will call the family business for a reference. Your family is thus going to find out you are looking for a job and will try to pull you back in. Be prepared for this now, and take as much space now as possible and replace it with good healthy connections. Make the commitment now to listen to yourself about what you need most of all.

 

[Friday]

Job.

You can always leave without a job if things get rough, so that option doesn't go away if you start looking for a job. Meaning you get to keep both options.

 

[scout86]

It's pretty much always easier to find a job when you have a job and it'd nearly ALWAYS easier to find a job when you have a conventional address. If you have a choice? Job first. Then your running towards something, not away from it.

 

[EveHarrington]

Definitely a job.

Did you make the other post about crowd funding?

It's always best to have resources before we cut communication with family.

 

[Riot]

For me, that would depend largely on fear of the person I'm going no contact with. I would much rather be in a 'safe' location and then go no contact, so that the person in question is less likely to show up at my door.