What The Hell Is This?

[Chava]

Thanks again @Born to Run I was not breech but I had a terrible birth. It was a little bizarre and I don't want to give details because I still have the timid part of myself that doesn't want to be found out on here because the details would give me away to family (irrational maybe, but whatever). Anyway, it was terrible and not among traumas or terrorizing I remember, but likely didn't help me get a good start. I was separated from my family for a long time and spent a good deal of time hooked up to life support. For me the helpless postures, or ones where I can't hold myself up from the middle, feel anywhere from age <1 to about 4 or 5.

@AngelkeeperJ/AKJ , thank you, I also know it feels good to not feel totally alone with some of what we experience. I do feel sort of crazy sometimes. I'm a major somaticizer...anything from eating disorders, self injury, panic symptoms, stomach problems, and chronic pain. I don't have a lot of emotions...just difficult bodily symptoms. This makes a lot of sense and matches with me having to sort of disappear or obliterate my own "self". I channeled some emotional life into music, which helped. It was abstract, nobody could tell me I was wrong.

Smoking makes my pain worse, but really helps my mood, so I'm pissed off. I want to quit smoking but it's such good medicine. :eek:

Arm okay today. A little locking returned in my back. But mainly, my stomach is really screwed up.