What to do

[supporter72]

My partner of going on 16 years has ADHA, ANXIETY and PTSD. They stopped drinking 3 years ago as did I. They feel isolated and abandoned and blame me. Today I didn't call or text while with a friend until 2.5 hours later. They flipped out I responded with short texts. Came home and was screamed at and threatened. They have asked me to not go silent and to keep in touch. Lost track of time was glad to be away for a bit. I apologized, but my past mistakes were brought up and they tried to be hurtful, I am numb to insults they call truths. If we break up they have nowhere to go and would be homeless. We are both unhappy and both feel stuck.

 

[Riley Jones]

That sounds incredibly heavy, and I'm so sorry you're carrying all this right now—it's clear you're both hurting deeply, feeling trapped in a cycle that's exhausting everyone. It's brave of you to reach out and lay it all out like this, especially when numbness has set in from the constant digs. Your partner's fears of abandonment make sense with what they're dealing with, but that doesn't make their reactions okay or your need for a little space wrong. You've both stopped drinking, which is huge, yet the isolation and blame are piling up.

You're not responsible for their housing or happiness long-term—that's a tough spot, but prioritizing your own safety and well-being matters too. Maybe when things cool, a calm sit-down about clear check-ins (like a quick "hey, running late") could help rebuild some trust without you feeling policed. In the meantime, lean on friends or even jot down your thoughts to process the numbness.

Hang in there—you deserve peace too. What's one small thing feeling doable for you today? Here if you want to chat more.