R
Riley Young
I'm seventeen and I have PTSD. Most of the time, I'm okay. I go to college, study, do my homework on time, get good grades. I get up in the morning. I function. Sometimes a flashback creeps up on me, but for the most part I can sort of sense them coming, or at least recognise triggers, and then remove myself from the situation to calmly ground myself on my own, or just let the flashback run its course without anyone needing to be there.
I do have bad days, where my brain just doesn't work and I can't focus. Since the event that caused the PTSD, I've pushed people away. I deflect, mainly because I just don't want to talk about it, but mostly because I don't want my friends to pity me.
A while ago, my mum was worried that the PTSD might be interfering with my work, so she got me referred to a therapist through the doctor's. Apparently the therapist was a specialist in trauma in children and young adults. I went to the session feeling a bit apprehensive, but on the whole forced myself to be open minded about it.
I hated every second I spent with her and couldn't wait until it was time for me to go. She suggested that I try EMDR, something which I point blank refused, since I don't want anyone messing with my head or my eyes or whatever. According to her, the PTSD has nothing to do with the fact that someone close to me committed suicide, and everything to do with the tragic demise of my pet goldfish when I was five. It made me feel ridiculous, trying to think of the whole "Ten Big Ts" thing. She tried to make me breaking my arm into a "Big T", which I said was ridiculous. I actually said, "that wasn't really a psychological trauma. I fell over and broke my arm. So f*cking what? It healed. I got over it. It's not like I lose sleep over it."
Anyway, I haven't been back since because it was so awful. But my real question was this: what's the point in therapy? Ever since I tried it I've just felt worse. Having someone tell you that you've had a lot more bad stuff happen to you than other seventeen year olds and you're screwed up kind of has that effect on you. So what's the point? I can't help thinking I'd be a lot happier if I'd never been in the first place.
Should I go back and try again or what? I hated therapy, but I hate being miserable more. What do I do?
I do have bad days, where my brain just doesn't work and I can't focus. Since the event that caused the PTSD, I've pushed people away. I deflect, mainly because I just don't want to talk about it, but mostly because I don't want my friends to pity me.
A while ago, my mum was worried that the PTSD might be interfering with my work, so she got me referred to a therapist through the doctor's. Apparently the therapist was a specialist in trauma in children and young adults. I went to the session feeling a bit apprehensive, but on the whole forced myself to be open minded about it.
I hated every second I spent with her and couldn't wait until it was time for me to go. She suggested that I try EMDR, something which I point blank refused, since I don't want anyone messing with my head or my eyes or whatever. According to her, the PTSD has nothing to do with the fact that someone close to me committed suicide, and everything to do with the tragic demise of my pet goldfish when I was five. It made me feel ridiculous, trying to think of the whole "Ten Big Ts" thing. She tried to make me breaking my arm into a "Big T", which I said was ridiculous. I actually said, "that wasn't really a psychological trauma. I fell over and broke my arm. So f*cking what? It healed. I got over it. It's not like I lose sleep over it."
Anyway, I haven't been back since because it was so awful. But my real question was this: what's the point in therapy? Ever since I tried it I've just felt worse. Having someone tell you that you've had a lot more bad stuff happen to you than other seventeen year olds and you're screwed up kind of has that effect on you. So what's the point? I can't help thinking I'd be a lot happier if I'd never been in the first place.
Should I go back and try again or what? I hated therapy, but I hate being miserable more. What do I do?
