When Avoiding Triggers Becomes Agoraphobia

[LSNP]

Has this happened to anybody here?

It is nearly noon on Saturday and I am still in my pajamas. My kids just left to spend the weekend with the ex. I stayed downstairs, afraid to even hear his voice.

I am free to do whatever I want today and have been invited to two events.... but don't want to go. Triggers, triggers, triggers.... everywhere.

Everything reminds me of one trauma or the other.

It is getting so, so much worse.

I rarely leave the house, anymore, except to go to work (more triggers there, becoming unbearable) and the store (another trigger).

I am losing control. I used to have so much control. I used to be sane, I think, before all of this happened.

I'm afraid I am becoming an agoraphobic.

 

[Denna]

Never used to go past my front door, for years.

At some point you need to connect the feeling with the place, the trigger / bad feeling with the event. You can tell yourself you can't breathe, shake, want to scream cry, recognise it in yourself, and connect it with the reason, what has been done to you, and try to find things that make yourself feel safer, if you have offers to go out, pre book a taxi to get you back, and keep mobile topped up ensure that you have someone there at all times that knows all about your symptoms.

Why do you say you are not sane? thought rollercoaster? tell me more.

 

[LSNP]

Hi, Denna. Thanks for responding.

I don't feel sane, anymore. I am constantly trying to avoid pain and there are triggers everywhere that cause pain. Songs, t.v., places, times of day, seasons, my house, my job... the little red button on my phone at work that lights up when I have a message. Police cars, attorneys, official looking papers in the mail... just everything, it seems.

Getting worse. One would think it would get better... but it's getting worse.

I did get dressed and went to the store today but only because I was out of cigarettes. Another trigger. Gads.

I am becoming more and more forgetful, more apathetic, more angry, more sad.... I rarely laugh or smile, anymore, unless it is fake.... people, of course, do not want to be around this. Who would?

I am a pretty, smart 46 year old woman... and I don't date.

I miss the "comfort" of my marriage because that stress was one I could deal with. It was familiar. After nearly three years, I am still not familiar with this place I've found myself at. I feel like most days I am circling the drain.