When disassociation goes weird.

[Deleted member 37474]

Recently, I seem to be dealing with 3 of us, though I am fully aware of who I am currently. It is like the two parts of my two traumas were frozen in time at those ages. There is the child me, the college me and current me. My T refers to them as my “wounded parts.” I find myself taking care of them. Imagine holding the child me. When I store them in my happy place, imagine them laughing and playing there. College me is taking care of texkitten. What is this? Have I officially lost my mind. I was pretty disassociated in emdr this week and my T asked me how old I am. I said my current age, but I didn’t feel that age. Then she had me think of my current age when I went back in the set. Then I was set into some timeline from present to my 1st big trauma. And I haven’t been able to process anything, I feel like my traumas never happened and now I feel like my wounded parts tricked my T. What the hell is this craziness? Has anyone experienced this?

 

[hodge]

I haven't experienced exactly what you describe, but I did have one experience where I felt like a tiny kid again when I was at a univ library and it totally freaked me out. There I was 44 years old and I felt about three feet tall, lost because of construction at the building I'd known for a few years, and walking as awkwardly as a three year old. It was horrible and led me to call my T the next morning and agree to try Paxil. Big hugs, TexCat.

 

[CoalStars]

Yep, that is currently happening to me! I used to feel like I had three parts, but now it's down to two: current me, and little kid me. I also find myself taking care of her, watching movies she likes, letting her color, letting her be the kid that I wasn't allowed to be. For me it's sorta therapeutic. I don't think it's inherently a bad thing, though I suppose it could be in some cases. I've seen quite a few other people talk about feeling the same way, so it's not that uncommon either.

 

[SinkorSwim]

Me! I have a little me that loves to come out in therapy. However I am very bad at giving her attention throughout the week. Which I need to get better at. Sometimes I'm afraid little me will come out at inappropriate times. It hasn't happened yet but I'm afraid it will. What I've been realizing is little Katie remembers her trauma totally differently then big Katie.

 

[DharmaGirl]

My T who had 25 years of trauma experience told me this is a pretty normal occurrence for those of us with cPTSD. I also talk and act like the age I am feeling. I had no idea I was doing it. When he told me I was, I was shocked and upset and afraid I had DID. He said I didn't, that my brain was set up for it but since I can remember what happens, it's not DID. I haven't had that happen again until the other day when my mom said I sounded like a 3 year old.