When someone tells you, you're wrong, but you're not...?

[Changing4Best]

You say that codependence is not a problem for you but look at this quote please. I tried to give you some...

OH. OK. When I next get some money, I will look into that book then, if it is not just about someone trying to cure somebody who is addicted. I thought that was what codependency was all about. I've never been to an Al-Anon meeting. I just have talked with codependent people before a little. When you mentioned Al-Anon, I thought you were saying that I needed a 12 Step Program. I was trying to tell you that I have one already. So we were not connecting, you did catch that. And yes, I wish that there were some "knight in shining armor" who could rescue me. It is true, because I have been at my whits end with this guy for awhile now. If that book can help, then I will try to get it. Maybe even the Library could have it!

 

[Ronin]

And you checked google books already, Sheila?

 

[Changing4Best]

And you checked google books already, Sheila?

I would check amazon first, but I am over$pent this month, SIGH... I live on a fixed low income.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Rain I could like your post 1000 times, but it won't let me!!!!!! I'm out too, because I feel the same way.

 

[Changing4Best]

One thing I do know. I am OVER SENSITIVE. My Therapist gave me a book to read about it one time, and asked me if it rang any bells. BOY! Did it. Right down to even being sensitive to light. I keep my lights off until the sun has set and the twilight is over. (I do have a light for my keyboard though, probably the only one I use during the day, other than the kitchen light). The book went into far more detail than that. All about how one is sensitive to all kinds of things psychological, of course. This affects this whole situation, I know. Just because I know this, it does not solve the problem. I don't know HOW to be un-over-sensitive. It does not compute. My brain cannot handle it. That is why I am doing this HAPPINESS CHALLENGE by Shawn Achor so that I can re-wire my brain. I am hoping that may help.

 

[scout86]

I don't know HOW to be un-over-sensitive

Maybe you can't be. Maybe that's simply the way you are. Being sensitive is ok. Obsessing about other people's behavior isn't, because it makes you miserable, drives the people around you nuts, and doesn't solve any problems.

"Radical acceptance"? Notice that something bothers you. Assess whether the level of concern is appropriate. Decide whether or not you can do anything about it. If you can, do it. If you can't, let it go. (Recite the serenity prayer when he starts to get on your nerves?)

 

[Changing4Best]

Thanks @scout86 I wrote that down. That is 2 things now that I wrote down today from this thread. And thanks for letting me know that being over-sensitive isn't bad. I wasn't really thinking it was good or bad, just that it is. You know?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am sensitive too and I have to really watch myself. I am not saying I am where I want to be yet and I think being sensitive has some good benefits. You are a very caring person and it shows. Thanks for listening to me. Al anon is for people with codependence and if you just accept that you are this way with people who upset up so much, it will help you out. I am not saying you have to go to the group. I am just saying that when I had my husband in my face yelling at me, long ago, I had myself reading the book and some favorite underlined passages that got me through some tough times. I really think if you do give it a chance, lights will go on for you and you will begin to handle on this problem. I know it is hard, it was hard for me too. But thank you for hearing me.

 

[Changing4Best]

I'm planning on calling the Library first thing in the morning. I know I have heard of that book, and if I have heard of it, I am betting they have it. I will be near the Library tomorrow too, so everything is working in my favor, I just hope and pray they have it. @Rain

 

[Nessa7]

How often does he speak to you directly? I've read a lot of your posts about the problems you have been having at the Senior Center, and I know that you are forced to be in the same room or bus with each other very frequently. That's a bit different than him choosing to interact with you, though.

 

[Changing4Best]

Well, on Friday it was once, I think, maybe twice. My memory fails me after about 24 hours or so on such details. It is the indirect stuff that gets me more, like him picking on someone who stuck up for me once when another bully put his hands on me and got fresh. That man is prescious to me and he probably knows this and he is picking on him, and so I finally told my boss about it on Friday. He then said something beyond absurd and sexual to that man. (I think I already posted it above, but maybe on another thread, not sure). Anyway, when he picks on this frail old 90 yr old friend of mine, I feel so upset and helpless and awful, because I feel like he is doing it because the man stuck up for me against this other bully. The other bully is this bully's friend, of course.

 

[Nessa7]

I'm a little distracted by you saying that one of these men put his hands on you. Do you mind saying what happened then?

Did he say this in front of you? How did you respond in the moment?

When he accuses you of not doing your job properly how do you feel? I mean specifically the second that you hear those words and later after some time has passed without you able to shake them off. What do you say to him?

Do you mind all of these questions? I know that you've talked about this a lot, but I can't shake the feeling that there's still something that needs unpacking.