When someone tells you, you're wrong, but you're not...?

[Beans]

There are assignments to do in this book! I did the first one and came upon something HUGE from my...

I've heard about this book for years and after reading your post I'm def gonna pick it up!

 

[Changing4Best]

I've heard about this book for years and after reading your post I'm def gonna pick it up!

Yes, I recommend it highly. Even though it is bringing up some sad memories, it is clearing up a lot of things in my life. I am understanding myself better, I think, and also I don't feel so alone. Others have gone through what I am going through and they have survived and recovered. That is the beauty of this and the hope.

 

[Changing4Best]

It occurs to me also that all of my boyfriends and my husband were either drinkers before I met them and had stopped, or they started to drink again during our relationships. My father was also an alcoholic. He was a high functioning one, with a lot of anger issues. I HATE anger with a passion. I am so NOT into anger that I have hardly ever allowed myself to get angry openly with anyone. Anger is a topic that this book addresses too. My husband was not ever a drinker when I knew him. Always I would find out AFTER I got into my relationships, that my partners had been drinkers. They no longer drank, so I had no way of knowing. I did NOT plan this, but it is ironic. Oh, there was one gambler, I forgot about him. But the point is, I guess, I was in some way unbeknownst to me codependent in all of my relationships! I HATE THIS! I've just got to remember that this book is the way OUT OF THIS.

I SO NEEDED THIS BOOK!!!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Good for you. I know it is a lot of pain but you are so worth fighting for.:hug:

 

[Changing4Best]

My mind is going through all these things and going deeper and deeper as I read more of the book. I know the pattern of my life cannot be a coincidence now. I think it is that I was "trained" by my molester (the sex deviant) and my father (the alcoholic controlling, angry person who belittled me a lot during my younger years, but allowed me no way to fight back) to eventually only accept men that are like themselves. So I ended up with a chain of men who either neglected me and my emotional needs or were outright abusers. I was trained to accept this at a very early age! That is what this book is showing me. And of course, it is showing me that I was trained as well to accept alcoholism as "normal" and I even went so far as to allow my motel guests to drink in the lobby of my motel. I think most motel owners would not have allowed that. (Now that I think back on it). However, drinking was such a "normal" thing to do for the MEN in my family, that it never occurred to me that this was not the real norm in our society at large. This is what the book has most recently uncovered for me.

Also, "B" (who is the person who has been taunting me where I work) was a bar tender for his whole life. He also said that he hasn't had a drink in 11 yrs. So, he was an alcoholic too. No matter how I look at it, these drinkers have affected my life, all my life, from its earliest days! Even my mother's father drank. She was probably taught at a very young age too, that drinking is "normal" in men. So that was why she hooked up with my father, rather than a non-drinker.

I am not, however, thinking of breaking up with my boyfriend. He is not causing me any trouble, even though he is a former drinker. I will keep my eye on the situation though. And I have already decided that I don't want to marry him. He has asked me to a number of times, but I have always said, "No." He has not asked me recently, thankfully. It is a tough thing for me to say "No." I wrote another thread about that....