When The Pain Becomes Physical With Overwhelming Present Stress

[starshine]

I'm soon to be losing my job to restructure and budget cuts. My mental health disability puts me out of line of running to stay on. It's connected to dissociative flashbacks I get in certain situations the new job criteria will demand..
At home, my flatmates are separating.

The combination of these, the basic 'redundancy threat = stressful for anyone', along with being threatened with rejection, and being 'different'/inferior/not good enough, the legacy of peer abuse that included physical assault, and the memories of growing up around relational dysfunction and domestic violence are all overwhelming my trauma/stress circuits. Oh, and add 'being powerless'.

This has become so intense that in the past week I have, along with nausea and weight loss, I've started to ache all over, especially in my knees. It's unbearable, so much so I cry at times from the pain.
My GP has said it's stress and anxiety, and to continue to take paracetamol. But it's not doing anything. My therapist isn't available over the holidays. What can I do?

 

[Mr. Smith]

If you are have stress and anxiety I know you can massage the web between your thumb and forefinger, using the opposite hand to press as close as possible to the point where the two bones meet. Continue for about a minute, then repeat on the other hand. This is a technique employed in acupressure, an ancient Chinese form of massage and healing and it has help my friend with her stress. I don't know if this would help you or not but it is worth a go! ;)
"The most important thing in illness is never to lose heart." ~Nikolai Lenin

 

[mamachick]

I can't cite material of how exercise effects the ptsd brain, but I have a history of fibromyalgia that I had nearly recovered from. I contribute the recovery to exercise. I did a lot of stretching initailly, (much of my pain is carried in my neck and shoulders). Then I began walking and increased the miles. I went to aerobic classes and machines at gym. Im sure my brain chemicals changed as I was healthy and my thinking was very clear. I have done none of this in about 5 yrs and just trying to get back to it-which is very difficult when in pain.

I didnt do yoga or anything but even while I was watching tv or talking to my kids, I would lay on floor or firm bed and stretch everything. If your knees are hurting, stretching might be preventative to not getting worse. Also, for joint related-Move Free glucosomine has helped me some.

I understand how stress reaks havok on physical well being. Most of the winter I have felt like I have the flu (aching and chilled). It is very real. I hope you feel better.

Mr Smith-Im gonna try your suggestion too-thanks

 

[starshine]

I was going to go on to talk more about the C-PTSD element, as that criteria of being different, not human, outside of humanity, and so forth, seems to be the crux of this. Can I still talk about that?

It relates, not only to my childhood, but my time at uni and towards the enforced leaving of my first job - because I was having a stress breakdown. I was a teacher, and I was never good at 'crowd control', and I was desperate to hide the fact that I'd had a really hard time at uni, especially with my final teaching practice. [I'd had my interview for the job before that practice.]

It has taken me a long time in therapy to understand more, make the connection, that of course I have a hard time around groups of children and having them respect me, because I was abused by my peers all through my growing up years. I fought against this, until I knew that I had to give up teaching.

I got the library job, and have been working there near on 8 years. But now the new job criteria for after the restructure involve having to lead children's group activities. I'm fine with very small groups in a quiet location, but this would not be that, and so I cannot handle it. I get dissociative flashbacks around groups of children, and at the very least am severely hyper-vigilant. Once again my treatment at the hands of my peers makes me not good enough for a job. And it feels so humiliating and such a loss. I mean, losing my job anyway would be a loss, but losing it because I was abused as a child and teen, that beyond sucks.

It feels like I am not real, that I even do not exist. That I am only fit for rejection, ridicule and humiliation. I become invisible. I'm not like everyone else, I don't have equal chances in employment. That my intelligence counts for nothing. That even I am as an abuser, because I cannot handle things 'normal' people can. And then colleagues and my flatmate don't understand why I just am not in a position to handle the tasks the 'new' job would involve. I've taught in the past, why not now? Because I repressed everything in the past, now I'm conscious and I have to be kind to myself. I need to manage the flashbacks gradually over time, as even without a strong trigger they are still active in my mind. I'm conscious of them, and that's a real step. Step by step.

The pain was REALLY bad over night, my knees, shins and ankles, really bad. Beyond crying about now, no point fighting against it any more.

I'll try the hand massage exercise. I did it a bit, and it hurt! I do do a brief yoga practice each morning. I'll try and figure out what helps. My flatmates are away over the Easter weekend, so I'll have a bit of relief from the pressure and stress of their relationship-struggle-vibes and might be able to relax a bit, though I'm at work on Saturday. There really is very little space for 'escape' from the stressful environment. And due to my past, I'm more sensitive to stress than the 'average bear'. Yet I feel guilty, because a colleague is going through the work stress, and she has family in Libya. I'm not going through that. Yet I'm going through my own stressors, that are very painful emotionally due to the traumas that involve rejection and outcasting and intrusion and violation, right from my birth.