General Where Do I Fit?!

[Jen]

Hi Medicchick
Thanks for giving me something to have a bit of a chuckle about:smile: If only they could read our mind actually its probably a good thing they dont!
Jen

 

[Deleted member 3]

Am I the only one who wants a tranquilizer gun for Christmas? There are some days when hubby is bad and blaming me for everything i just want to shoot him in the ass and make him be quiet.

Medicchick,

I like your line of thought, hadn't thought of a tranquiliser gun but it sounds like a damn fine idea to me. Don't you just love the blame game? Used to make me wonder who Anthony could blame if I wasn't here. He's not so bad now, still tries it occasionally but previously you'd have thought I was responsible for all that ails the world. I was certainly responsible for all of his problems. I just feed it right back to him now with some smart ass comment.......it usually shuts him up. Really, its quite funny, ridiculous and stupid all rolled into one, when you look at it objectively. Of course its different when your in the thick of it, it can become quite nasty and hurtful.

 

[Kells]

Hmmm, the tranquilizer gun sounds good to me cause at times, I'd like to just go to sleep instead of dealing! hehe =P

On a serious note, even though I may be wrong in doing this, as I am pretty much speaking on behalf of all of us who have PTSD, I feel compelled to say this because I can only imagine what our loved ones who do not share in our sufferings with PTSD go through daily: BIG hugs and please, even though we don't say it nearly enough, THANK YOU... Thank you for sticking by us as we struggle each day sometimes feeling like our cheese is sliding off of our crackers, so to speak

 

[Deleted member 3]

Kells,

Thankyou for pointing that out. Speaking for myself, I know that Anthony could have got this far without me but I also know that it would have been a much tougher journey. Its not much more than we miss the intimacy, and its frustrating when we want so badly to help but all we can do is be there. A thankyou and a hug from our spouses/partners would go a long way to easing some of our load and the pain. I know Anthony struggles and I can see 'when the cheese is sliding of his cracker' now, it wasn't always that way and I felt like a spare wheel.

 

[manhattan]

me too. i hate the ptsd with a passion, but i love my boyfriend. but, where oh where has my boyfriend gone? can't figure out how to accept this reality? how to accept the fact that my beloved cannot be touched, springs up violently in the middle of the night, and now lives 3,000 miles away. he belives that i will be better off without him, that i have given all of myself to the relationship. i am now taking action for myself, but my heart is still my heart and it is his. how do i accept that he may not be able to be in a relationship? no one else, including his family, knows that truth of his ptsd.

 

[cdunny]

Sometimes I will spend all day thinking about David. I cant wait for him to come home, and I think a lot about getting up and cleaning the house spottless for him and having all the laundry done, and cooking a really nice supper. But the next thing you know, he has allready walked in the front door and Im still sitting on the coutch staring into the tv. The sad part is Im not even really interested in the TV. And I cant turn to my husband and tell him how happy he makes me or that I thought about him all day because Im somehow overwhelmed with anxiety and sadness. Its messed up when all you want to do is be happy and all you can do is keep yourself from going into tears. It sucks even more when you know your partner is suffering because of it, and you cant figure a way to fix it. Im sure your husband loves you tremendously, and he is probably scared you are going to leave him. Hes just trying to figure out how to deal with this disorder the best way he knows how. And if being lathargic and apathetic is the alternative to being overstimulated and Worrysome, then maybe its cause he feels thats the right alternative. Its a hard balance. But I know you will be fine. I think marriage is one of the most awesome things. Because when you get through the bad times, it makes the good times seem so much better. Hang in there. And we all support you.

 

[Jaynea]

Andrea...of all the posts I've read yours really hit home. I go through the same feeings when my husbands PTSD flares up. Helpless, lost and wondering if I'll ever see the man I married again...I've wanted to leave...I've wondered if I would be better off alone...But it passes and there he is. The last time we went through the bad times it lasted 3 weeks, too...My heart is with you.

 

[dazednconfused]

I feel the same way mostly......

I am having a lot of trouble with all this too and I have a lot of trouble with work and I am really afraid if it does not get better, I could lose my job..

At least your husband has not left you yet. That is some comfort. Mine left me and my child. He says he does not want to even hear my voice, but this morning again, here he is on my front doorstep. I love seeing him, but it just makes it harder when he leaves us again. It is like a recurring nightmare....

I love him so much and I am going to hang in there. You try and do the same. I pray things get better for us both. I want my husband back, the one that talked for hours to me and laughed with me, cried with me, held me all night, etc.....

I better go before I start the crying again.....:loopy:

 

[Andrea42]

Dazed,
My husband did leave me last year.. i guess i am lucky we dont have any kids because i can imagine how hard that must be :( I know if doesnt seem like it right now but things will get better....you are at your worst and i understand why....dont forget, i was there (look at this thread) its hard....but time is needed with this unfortunately...time and patience...
Make sure you dont lose your job because of all this... i went through that as well. First i took some time off because it was hard to deal with everything... then i would leave crying whenever something happened and my boss was very understanding...and now i dont even work a full shift anymore but the people here are kind of sick of my drama in which i cannot help....so make sure you do what you need to do to take care of you...theres not much more you can do for your hubby, you are doing everything you can, not to mention you are always there when he comes home. He keeps coming back for a reason..... so make sure you are there when hes ready to let you in