Fayne Jane
Silver Member
I have been in EMDR therapy and have gone through being beaten, raped and left for dead. I am near the end of the first phase of my therapy. I have changed so much, my stress, anger and outburst are under control. I am not the same person I was for years, pushing others away with my anger. My mis perceptions of so much that led to anger. Now I feel like a different person but am not sure who I am any more. I have posted this before but as I emerge as a new me I am still lost as to who I am. I had no idea how unstable and reactionary I was towards others until the last couple of months. I was not a very nice person, a bitch basically reacting to my own perceptions and not reality. I angered many and have lost many friends who got fed up with me, who were insulted by my outbursts. Now that my anxiety has dropped and having gone through ENDR I am very different, calmer, more caring and compassionate. I still have work to do on internalizing that none of what happened to me was not my fault. But I struggle with my new identity? I have tried to make amends with those I have hurt and only a few accept that. It hurts me that others don't accept my PTSD and never will. I know who I am at my core but I feel so different now, lighter, freer, still have my ups and downs ad not through with therapy yet. I am older have spent 13 yrs moving in and out of PTSD reactions. My question is how does one find themselves with so much of the crap has been shed. I have been desensitized to most of my trauma. And yet I have this blank as to who I am? I used to love camping am not sure if I want to ever again since that is when I was attacked. Trying to find what I might like is kind of exciting and kind of scary. I feel lost at this point. Any help, feedback will be appreciated????
