Sexual Assault Who Was The First Person You Confided In About What Happened To You?

[Anna]

Who was the first person you confided in about what happened to you? What was their reaction? How did you feel about it?

After the assault happened, the first person I told was my ex best friend. She was due to meet someone else for a coffee and told me she didn't have time to talk to me. I remember at the time feeling so hurt and shocked. She had confided in me, I had listened to her and yet in my time of need she was not there. Drinking a coffee with someone was more important than her best friend. She didn't even apologise or attempt to make another time to meet. I remember feeling so dissappointed, hurt and angry at people. How could I trust someone again after this? Lucky for me I had a very good therapist then.

 

[Jen]

I am sorry this happened. You deserved to have someone listen to you. Everyone does.

The first time I confided in someone was when I was around 9, when it was still happening. I had stayed at my cousins who was of a similar age and were having a chat before bed and asked each other what our deepest secret was. The only thing I remember after that is crying uncontrollably on her bed. She told her mum, my aunt, who told my mum about what was happening, who then didn't do nothing about it.

She asked me and I said no. I was a child and I couldn't say anything. I hadn't been threatened or anything so I don't know why I didn't talk. I just didn't admit it. She didn't follow it up and allowed me to carry on living under then same roof as this person.

I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this as I have never brought it up with her and daren't.

I know this was who was the 'first' but I would like to tell you my second also. When I got to high school I had told my best friend what was happening and she spread it round the school that I was sleeping with my brother and I was bullied a lot but couldn't tell my dad.

I have struggled to tell anyone anything since. I shake, clam up and my brain automatically sends signals to get me out of any situation I feel uncomfortable in and I need to escape. I have massive physical symptoms about traumas I am unable to feel or work my way through. I struggle to be open about anything now. The mind is a funny thing isn't it.

Essay over lol x

 

[Nyx]

I'm so sorry it went so bad for you, girls... It can mess with your ability to trust, indeed. Hope you have found some understanding in other places since then...

In my case the first persons I told were my mom and my best friend. The first time it happened I told my mom. I can't really remember anything between the time I left the house where it happened and the moment mom got home and I talked to her. And the rape happened in a different city than my home town... I'm just glad I got home safe that day...

The second time it happened I didn't tell anyone for a long time. But after a while my best friend caught on that there was something wrong, because my hate speech about my father was stronger than ever. So one day, while we were having coffee she simply asked "What happened?", so I told her.

I was never able to give details about what happened, except for my T and the story I posted here. Fortunately, I was never asked for details by the persons I confided in. I realize now I was lucky to get positive reactions from the people I told...

 

[Wrknprgrss]

The first person I told was initially very sympathetic and caring, but soon after became my next abuser...

 

[Lucycat]

The first person I told was Rory, after he had proposed to me. I did not go into details and don't really remember much about it. However he brought it up recently, and said I told him I was 'damaged goods' - so he could change his mind about marrying me.

I am pleased to say he was then - and has been ever since - very supportive. Although now he says he wishes I had told him the detail back then so he would have realised the importance of it and confronted my abuser.

I never told another soul until the police phoned me, some 25 years later, to ask me if I had been abused as a child.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

It really depends on which sexual trauma we are talking about...

The sexual assaults...I told a man I worked with when I was about 20 a few months after the last time I was raped. He was 10 years older then me and a bit of a bad ass. Why I told him? I don't really know, he was strong and nice to me. We spent a lot of time together after that and he soon told me about how he was raped when he was 9 or so. He tought me that sex was okay, I think it helped that he had more experience in the sex department then I did to be honest. I never regretted telling him. He helped heal me a bit. Does that make any sense? It was what my T called a transitional relationship.

About the cyber stuff and child grooming...

My current therapist figured it out.I never knew how wrong it was until he pointed it out. That is how well I was groomed. I knew something was off about it, but I had always though it was a...fair trade. How embarrassing... I was still defending all those men in my head.

 

[cherryblossom]

Anna, I 'liked' your post, not because of what happened when you spoke out, but because it is an important topic to bring up.

The first person I 'told', in a very casual way, was a boyfriend, about 2 years after the attack. I was upset during sex, and I told him I was upset because I'd been sexually assaulted in the past. He flipped big time. He went mad, punched a wall and broke his hand. I was even more upset. He was a deeply passionate, romantic, and caring man. I know he reacted that way, because he was upset that someone hurt me. But his reaction completely freaked me out. I'd never seen a violent side to him, and it scared the hell out of me. I hadn't even told him the whole true facts. All I'd said was that I'd been sexually assaulted. I dread to think what his reaction would have been, if I told him exactly what had happened. We split up.

That put me off telling anyone for a while. The second time I told anyone, was another boyfriend, under similar circumstances. He left me. It was several months later when I found out the real reason he'd left me, which was totally unrelated to my disclosure, but even so, the seeds where laid that it was 'bad to tell'.

My next boyfriend, also couldn't deal with my intimacy issues, so we split up.

So it seemed, the best thing to do was to either 'lie back and think of England', or not partake. So, I've been single for too many years to count.

I've spoken to friends also, and have really only received negative comments, and have lost so many friends because I've tried to be honest with them.

It's a tough subject. I don't know what the answer is. Pretending to be someone you're not doesn't work; at some point, if any relationship is to continue, you have to be honest about your past, and your hang-ups, and your day to day struggles. Otherwise you are not being honest to yourself, but it's a bloody hard road, and you loose people along the way.

 

[Lsquaredw]

The very first person I told was my teacher at school. I told him that a boy was "picking" on me. I should have told him what was really going on. I first person I ever told all the details to was my professor's wife last April. It was the best decision I have made. She was so loving and supportive. We're really good friends now and she continues to help me. :)

 

[Ice_Fire]

The first person I told was a teacher at school also. He'd 'found out' that I was self harming and he asked me point blank, "is the reason you live with Gran because your parents hit you?" I was stunned. As if it was so obvious. I just nodded and kinda muttered "and the rest". He was nice about it, but he had to tell senior staff etc and I was terrified it'd get back to my parents so I never went into any detail about it. He's left now and I often wish I'd told him how grateful I was for his caring reaction. He was the person who got me in touch with my T. :)

 

[betty lowa]

I have never attempted to talk about it with someone, until I met my husband. My Mom and my brother have tried to talk about it with me a few times, but each time everything in my core tells me it would not be good to talk about. However, my mom would break down crying and say, "why don't you open up to me and tell me what happened?" I immediately knew that it would be more of a burden than a release to talk to her about it at all, for she is an incredxibly emotionally unstable person. With my brother, he said, "You never talked about what happened with the neighbor when you were young, it's odd, everyone acts like it never happened." I immediately felt sick to my stomach and told him I would prefer not to talk about it. He is very nice and supportive and told me he understood.

The first time I actually felt like I could open up and talk to someone about it was with my husband. After about three months of dating I told him everything that had happened to me, but he simply laid there in silence for quite awhile. I felt nervous about how he would respond and anxiously awaited a reaction of some sort. I guess what I really wanted from him was for him to put his arm around me and kiss me and tell that he would never let anyone hurt me, or something comforting of that nature. Instead, he finally said, "I don't understand why you told me something like that, such things are better left buried, for talking about it will not change what happened." It was never brought up again between us. Since then I've alluded or vaguely talked about it on this website or people on here, but not in full. I suppose the only thing I talk about it with is my cat. LOL :P For she is so soft and sweet and understanding. lol

I guess that's the end of my story.

 

[Tarot]

First person I inadvertently told was my mother when I was about 4. I didn't even know what was happening. When I told her what my grandmother was doing, my mother flipped out on me. It wasn't until I was about 16 that my mother brought it up again-- when she saw my grandmother's obituary in the morning paper. My mother laughed and gave every excuse in the book why she allowed it to happen to me. It wasn't a big deal to her and definitely not her fault for not protecting me, being the narcissist that she is.

 

[BlueDaisy]

The first person I told was my mother , I wasn't sure it was an abuse but somewhere deep inside I knew. She told me that I had to take care of myself and that if I wanted I could talk of it to her, I don't really remember how she reacted except of what she told me after. I felt like I was exagerating and that it wasn't that important but I know it wasn't her fault if I felt like this.She is a good mother and I know she only tried to help, I'm lucky to have her.