Why do so many men see me as a sex object?

[Ipozo]

Garlic might keep the vampires away? Lol
I don't think you @Too Pretty have to do perfume etc.
Surely pheromones are a bit on the nose (pun intended)!
I do think you have to keep this in perspective. Things like keep your sense of humour. Don't believe every man you interact with has an ulterior motive. As already said on here there are many men with respect & honour towards women.
Try to expect all people to treat you with respect regardless of gender. If they don't then you have to deal with that individual.. not plunge them all into the same category.
Yes a lot of men will 'try' their luck & yes.. it's tiring at time's & it's easy to start thinking they are all the same. But they are not. Really they are not.
Men that try to make a joke with you... not of you or someone else - are good for a laugh.. so laugh with them.
I have met & have some great platonic relationships with men. I've also met a lot of creeps! Same goes for women!
Keep your dignity, self respect & when you say no, take it further if you think it's necessary.
Maybe have a talk with someone that can help with assertive communication? It's interesting how improving your own skills can help.

 

[Azur]

TO change the subject just slightly, I have a question for all of you:

Do some men put the "make" on women by teas...

Yes.

This is often the first way that little boys treat little girls.

And then it carries over into adulthood for men who are immature.

 

[Detu]

Sadly, MANY MANY MANY men think that simply being nice to them means you are interested. And then at that point they ignore all indications of “NO”.

Even men you meet on the street! It’s why smart women oftentimes don’t even make eye contact or say hi when passing someone in public. Some guys think that ANY positive interaction with a woman means she is inviting her into his world.

I even had to explain this to my ex who would get upset when he’d be genuinely nice to women in public and they’d ignore him. The truth is that we know that just a half second of eye contact can get us into trouble. I mean I stopped being nice to everyone back in college when a guy followed me 3 miles just because I said HI to him on the street!

 

[Jezaka]

Garlic might keep the vampires away? Lol
I don't think you @Too Pretty have to do perfume etc.
Surely pheromones are a...

^^^^^^^ this whole post! A hundred likes.

Sexist really gets to me. Stuff's been.said about "men" on this thread, that, if you reversed it, would bring about a massive outcry and probably a banning, but for some reason it's "acceptable" to be derogatory-ly sexist about men these days. Not cool. It hurts the good ones, ya know?! And the insensitive ones know that they are doing wrong and don't care what you think anyway, a lot of the time.

And I'm not someone who hasn't been hurt by people not female, in fact I've endured years of terrible psychological torture and numerable rapes at the hands of "men", but that doesn't mean.I'll tar them all with that brush. My best friend is a man, who is also my lover.

Unfortunately though, being friendly is taken as a reason to be hopeful for many men though, like a post above eloquently expresses. Society is messed up and teaches everyone a lot of wrong things through popular media. Including that no is not no, sometimes, so show, with your body language that you are not, in any way, interested and they should get the message.

 

[Gosamit]

Yeah true but not ALL men don't take no for an answer & not ALL men do the 'eye' stuff or use good manners by women to launch into inappropriate pick up or propositions.
I think immaturity is a big factor in this, along with appropriate parenting etc.
Of course there are plenty of men who never grow up or learn the meaning of No... Idk why this is so.

 

[Detu]

Did I say ”ALL”...?

No.

But when you’re a woman, a small woman who can easily be overpowered PHYSICALLY (even by a man of the same size/weight), then yes, you learn that men can be dangerous and you learn to protect yourself. It’s not about being sexist. It’s about physical differences, societal differences. These are truths about the world we live in!

 

[Ikava]

Yes totally agree. I know very well how dangerous men can be (personal experience)
Sorry not dismissing you & I get my error with the All bit.
Yes along with general disrespect, danger & violence are prominent features of this kind of male.
Society, values, distorted beliefs - a whole range of abnormal factor's are prominent & contribute to those men.
Most time's you cannot identity quickly what they are either! So protecting yourself & also myself (being female too). - is very important. Learned from experience.

 

[Upumi]

Men are trash I’m constantly being triggered by their bullshit.

If a man came on this site and said "Women are trash I’m constantly being triggered by their bullshit.".......he would be thought of as a misogynist and his comment would be considered to be highly inappropriate.

So, @Pofire, what should we think of your comment?

 

[Nacule]

There is so much about this thread that is bothering me. It has taken me a few days to respond to gather my thoughts and the disturbing posts just keep coming.

To address the OP you logic about what causes sexual abuse is so far off the map. If your assumptions were correct than women in burkas would never be raped. Your description of the actions you take to not draw abusive men to you is nothing more than underhanded victim blaming. I am not saying that you are doing it on purpose, not at all. I am betting you had it drilled in to you head that unwanted sexual contact had to do with the way you looked, dressed makeup etc. No. It doesn't work like that. Of course now you are confused about why you have had the experiences you have.

It could be culture. In my current location I see a higher percentage of sexually persistent/harasive/abusive just due to the culture and how they are raised as a result of the local religion. The women around here are more modest than most but we are the rape capital of the U.S. Every 2.5 girls here has been sexually assaulted by the age of 18. Other areas I have lived in that that had a more liberal atmosphere where the dress of choice in the summer is a bikini (Ca, beach town and other similar areas) have some of the lowest rate of sexual assault.

Most men aren't the problem. It is either A) Culture or B) one man being responsible for multiple sexual assaults. In most areas I think it is the later. Abusive men who get away with it, don't stop, so there are a lot of victims. When you hear about so many women being abused it seems like it must be a lot of men, but I believe it is a small percentage of men with a lot of victims.

It's not just men though. I have been with 2 men who have experienced sexual abuse at the hands of women in different ways. One was a child at the hands of a much older women, but he turned into a rapist himself. The other an ex who if she had been a man would by all accounts be considered a sexual abuser, but double standards exist. The second person still has the utmost respect for women that was drilled into him at birth.

There is still the saying "we teach people how to treat us>" Unfortunately as female victims we often subconsciously tell men to treat us badly. That is what therapy is for.

 

[Zured]

Its like those silly AX fragrance commercials.

Garlic healthy.
Keep vampires away but may attract more creeps holding out their bread for ur garlic

 

[Too Pretty]

I am sorry to have created any controversy by creating this thread, that certainly was not my intent. I wanted to know why so many men in my life (not all the men in my life) have refused to accept the word NO from me, concerning having sex with them. I used the words "so many" but maybe I should have used instead the word "some".

I have been quiet here for a bit, when some of the controversy came up, not knowing what to say in response to it.

I have a problem with this thing in my life. It has come up over and over again. I asked for help with it, not all the rest of this stuff. I don't know what else to say except to thank those of you who took my question to heart and came up with some suggestions that might help. I am grateful to those of you who did so.

Other helpful suggestions are welcome. Further controversy is not. Thank you.

 

[Huvasi]

If there have been any unreasonably large number of men in your life that have all done the same thing, either a) you have coincidentally met a large number of similar men, or b) you are attracting them unconsciously through your words and actions.

It must be said that the common denominator in all of these relationships has been you, yourself.