Why do so many men see me as a sex object?

[Pikad]

It must be said that the common denominator in all of these relationships has been you, yourself.

The OP has already expressed that they feel they are the problem. The question they are asking is, why?

OP, my best guess is they sense your vulnerability. Abuse victims and trauma survivors often carry themselves differently than non victims. Shoulders pulled in more, head down, walk at a different pace. A therapist can help point out these things and help you modify how you carry yourself so that you appear less vulnerable or less of a target.

Keep in mind there is a difference between sexual harassment and sexual abuse. It seems that most of what you describe is harassment.

 

[Too Pretty]

Much of this has happened while I have been sitting, not standing. However, the men in question have probably seen how I stand too and walk too, so that is an interesting point that you make, Pikad. I will ask my T. One thing I do know is that I walk faster than most people do, because I have to slow down to keep at their pace, when we walk together. Possibly walking either too slowly or too quickly sets off some kind of thing in such men. That is an interesting point too.

 

[Too Pretty]

If there have been any unreasonably large number of men in your life that have all done the same thing, either a) you have coincidentally met a large number of similar men, or b) you are attracting them unconsciously through your words and actions.
...

In some of the instances, I have been placed with such men beyond my control, for instance in a work setting. So in those cases, it can only be what I am doing or saying, (or how I smell, as one poster suggested) that could be causing the problem, seeing as I did not choose the men in any way, they chose me.

 

[Kasi]

Why do so many men see me as a sex object?

I don't dress provocatively, in fact I dress super modestly! I don't we...

I feel like things are confusing for men and there are a lot of mixed messages. I know when I was teen/early 20s and anxious and then later had ptsd kinda/sorta issues it seemed to me that I was viewed as weak and I sort of wanted to be the guy who could go up to women and confidently say dumbass things because women would, at the very least, not view me as weak and therefore uninteresting.

Alpha apes and other animals can sometimes be complete jackasses to other animals to gain and maintain power and then they mate with multiple of the choice females as a reward for defeating and beating down potential challengers.

Then women seem to say they like things like confidence and a guy knowing what he wants, but then also view aggressive confidence as troubling.

It's all confusing and almost certainly extremely complicated.

For me, the women in my family always seemed to be the ones in charge of the money and only possible domestic misconduct was some members of my family felt like my grandmother could be mean, possibly including being minor emotionally abusive, to my grandfather. And I read a lot as a kid which always seemed to result in good guy being nice to women/saving women. So idea of treating women disrespectfully/as inferiors never really occurred to me.

 

[Toheci]

In some of the instances, I have been placed with such men beyond my control, for instance in a work setting. So in...

An issue is that probably unattractive Harvey Weinstein did have sexual relations with lots of attractive women by being powerful and abusing his power and being extremely aggressive. If a behavior is rewarded it will continue. Possibly all the sexual misconduct coming out will result in some sort of dynamic shift where jackassery is no longer rewarded.

 

[Dilor]

Kasi humans have reasoning skills that animals don't have. Plus there plenty of examples in wild of the reverse.

not view me as weak and therefore uninteresting

Huh? That makes absolutely no sense. What does weak have to do with uninteresting? It's like saying someone has a owns a house with a pool, therefore they are a bad driver.

aggressive confidence

Now there is an oxymoron if I have ever heard one. Confidant guys aren't aggressive. Weak ones are.

the women in my family always seemed to be the ones in charge of the money

In a healthy relationship money should be a joint issue. Sometimes couples disagree about money and those are the times they should both make compromises.

It's all confusing and almost certainly extremely complicated.

I have come to the conclusion that men and women have different interpretations of what some words mean. That is where the confusion lies.

In my experience if a guy claims he is a nice guy, the proper thing to do is run. The only men who ever seem to refer to themselves as "nice guys" are the ones who are incredibly bitter against women.

 

[Toheci]

Kasi humans have reasoning skills that animals don't have. Plus there plenty of examples in wild of the reverse.
Huh? T...

I wrote above two quotes. I am not sure why they showed up as anonymous female names. Not sure what this name will show up as.

I agree with you that men and women have different ideas of what some words mean, but there is some overlap. Like look at Donald Trump who seems to go from attractive wife to attractive wife, discarding previous attractive wife when she gets too old. I don't actually think Trump is all that bad, but he certainly seems to take advantage of money and power.

Worse example is Harvey Weinstein who apparently sexually assaulted dozens of women and likely raped a few, but then he certainly had sex with a number of beautiful women. It seems like he just sexually assaulted until he found a woman it actually worked on. But it almost certainly did actually work from time to time for a long time.

Another bad example is Osama Bin Laden who was apparently something of a sex symbol after 9/11

I think problem for guys is they know men who are at least a little like these guys and are amazed to find complete jackasses are actually sometimes more successful with women than their appearance, etc might suggest and it sometimes appears that the success is rooted in being a jackass to get to the top, then being a general jackass and then being a jackass to women.

Like in my experience I knew a guy who was very smooth and seemingly very polite, but when away from women he openly bragged about conquests and how women believed his lies and there was talk of how he bedded some married woman and then lost interest because the conquest was successful.

I'm just saying that as a guy I've seen things sort of along these lines and wondered if I am supposed to be more of an asshole to be successful with women. I have not behaved this way at all, nor to agree with it or confine it, but it's something that occurs. Like I think the problem with these super aggressive men that won't take no for an answer is that they actually bed more women than non super aggressive guys because they just keep trying until it works.

I think for women to be left alone they have to show men that super aggressive, bad behavior is not a good approach. Perhaps with all the endless sexual assault/harassment/rape coming out now, men who are unclear how to behave to women will get it in their heads that being a jackass is actually a bad idea because it is more likely to result in punishment than sex.

 

[Memur]

Why do so many men see me as a sex object?

I don't dress provocatively, in fact I dress super modestly! I don't we...

It is nothing that you have done wrong, hon. It is just how most men are. Most men are assholes and think with their peen.

 

[Acekom]

And no, sexual assault is NEVER about sex, it is always about control, and manipulation. Those men are rapists, or potential rapists. It is never your fault when a man has such low self esteem and self worth that he needs to "dominate" someone to help him feel better about themselves. Some men are just sick assholes. I suggest carrying some pepper spray with you.

 

[Olehe]

It is just how most men are. Most men are assholes and think with their peen.

In the same way that most women are gold digging bitches.

Meaning neither statement is true.

If it’s true in your circle? You need better friends.

 

[Livad]

And no, sexual assault is NEVER about sex, it is always about control, and manipulation.

I agree 100%.

It may surprise you, however, that when I have said so on this site, several women disagreed.

They said that sexual desire is the biggest motivator for the perpetrators.

 

[Toheci]

And no, sexual assault is NEVER about sex, it is always about control, and manipulation. Those men are rapists, or pot...

I am a guy and my problems have been mostly with gay men and with two men *who think* they have homosexual inclinitations from a childhood sexual assault or another who thought drugs from treatment for mental illness plus difficulty figuring out how to interact with women have "given him" homosexual inclinations. I knew last two well since I was roommates wth both.

So I agree that it is about control and manipulation as well as multiple screwed up psyches, but it is also just about sex because every male I had issues with is gay in one way or another. If it had nothing to do with sex, gay men would be assaulting and raping women