Relationship Why don't people believe me until its too late?

[anonymous]

Once again, I have ended a relationship after numerous 'warnings' that if certain behaviour occurred I would do so. And, once again, he claims that my ending it is a total surprise to him.
FFS - I speak very clear English.

Why is it always a case of too little too late?

 

[EveHarrington]

I don’t think it’s uncommon for people to just ignore you until.....in your case, you just end it....or with me, I say something 547 times in a calm, respectful way.....and then the moment I snap, it’s a total surprise to them and they act dumbfounded that what I kept repeating was actually serious.

I guess people don’t take you seriously unless you’re screaming your head off at them from day one. Cuz yeah, the assertive communication just doesn’t get the message across.

Blah.

 

[Snowflakes]

numerous 'warnings'

Because, like the spoiled child, he sees it as an empty threat. That, or he didn’t know the exact number of warnings he was allowed before you hit the switch. If this involves your personal boundary, then there is no warning....do that and I do this (the first time). If it’s an expectation of what he does or does not do....well, as someone here explained to me, expectations almost always lead to hurt or disappointment.

 

[StarChild]

after numerous 'warnings'

Were they warnings or rather threads linked with the hope of a change in your partner's behaviour? And were you trying to set boundaries or to stop an annoying/dangerous/threatening/self-destroying/cheating/etc. behaviour?

Would it be a possibility for you, to describe one or two such behaviours? So this is'nt for nosiness, but to really gain a deeper understanding of the situation(s) you were confronted with.

 

[Sweetpea76]

In some relationships one person is the giver and one is the taker... Takers never appreciate what they have until it's too late. They feel entitled to everything they're given and are gobsmacked when the givers have had their fill of bullshit and leave.

I know it doesn't seem like it sometimes, but there are a lot of men out there who are very giving people. Two givers in a relationship is a wonderful thing.

 

[shimmerz]

Once again, I have ended a relationship after numerous 'warnings' that if certain behaviour occurred I would do so.

Because actions always speak louder than words. Especially for those who aren't good communicators. Or whose psyche's are built on tendencies for denial.

I am all for giving people chances. Over and over again becomes an exercise in futility. If there isn't a meaningful and authentic bi-directional conversation around the words the first time, I am going to suggest that having the conversations multiple times just shows that people don't need to listen to you (or me). So yeah, they will be shocked if consequences happen.