Supporter Wife Of Firefighter

[LAFDwife80]

It's hard to imagine the pain he is in... my husband is a firefighter in downtown Los Angeles so has seen a lot but it was nothing compared to this past year. In September of 2015 he found his healthy father who was a physician dead on his kitchen floor he had been dead about a day, June of 2016 his mother didn't wish him a happy birthday so he went to check on her and found her dead in her living room, a 66 year old retired pediatrician... she had been dead at least a week in a heat wave and genuinely looked like a purple zombie, it was absolutely awful. This past December his best friend an Orange County fire captain (41 years old) committed suicide by jumping off an overpass into the path of an oncoming big rig.... this past week my husband has been having awful flashbacks of his parent's dead bodies. He's been crying, shaking, having nightmares, he called into work sick which he's never done unless he was deathly ill... he was so distraught after a nightmare he said if he had to see someone die at work he would lose it... we finally found a psychiatrist to take him at the end of the month but until then, can someone offer some advice on how to deal with these flashbacks and breakdowns he is having? I do badly want to help but I feel so useless.... he just wants to sleep all day and isn't able to be a father to our 2 year old... I just want him to be ok :(

 

[Dannyuk78]

Morning from the Uk first of all,

Im a serving police officer here and have gone through something very similar to what he is going through. I will not go into details as you already have enoough on your plate. You will need to be strong with him but not over powering, the key is to try and keep him to as much a normal day as possible. My wife could tell when i was having a real bad day because of how quite i was and so i would get a text saying she could see and that she loved me and that was enough just to know.

I have found mindfulness a great assest to me personally as well as getting out for a run, and i know he maybe tired but trust me once he is out and in the moment he will escape his thoughts and will feel like bliss.

try headspace app

Hope this helps for now

 

[ladee]

Ask him how you can help him. If he says he doesn't know..gently ask him If he needs more hugs. Or for you to set quietly with him. Ask him to please let you know if he needs alone time..reassuring him you would not take that personal.
Ask him If he would like you to massage his back. That is very relaxing and loving touch.
Be honest and tell him you want and need to be present for him...But you need him to share with you what he needs.
If y'all are affectionate normally..Just hug him. Just hold on to him..for however long he is ok with it.
My heart breaks for him for the things He Will never unsee.
Let us know how y'all are doing.
Gentle hugs for both of you.

 

[Friday]

Welcome to the community :)