Relationship Supporting Wife With CPSTD (Childhood Trauma) Confused

[jamielewis]

My wife was re-traumatised in September last year and my wife has said a lot of conflicting things such as I would only want to be married to you or be alone for the rest of my life, to I don't love you but don't leave.

I love her with all my heart and married her 12 years ago with the plan of spending the rest of my life with her.

We have children who adore us both.

But..............

The NHS have been awful, on multiple occasions and her trust in getting help has faded.

I have done research....Maybe too much and have tried to implement things but I know I can't fix it and that I am powerless.

It hurts so much watching her hurt.......she is the most wonderful wife but what happened in the past and the CPTSD that this has caused is making it so hard for her, and it kills to watch.

Sorry not really sure what I am trying to ask just needed to put it down.

 

[ShellAnn]

Since you say she had CPTSD, I'm assuming there was abuse in childhood?
Read up on attachment styles. Avoident-disordered maybe? There are tests online that may steer you well. The emotional push and pull is understandably confusing and needs to be addressed with help. It pulls relationships apart.
What it feels like to hurt...the push away is because we want to protect ourselves. From hurt, pain or shame. The withdrawal of the person being pushed away, then triggers extreme fear of losing our loved one....inducing panic and the cling. Just to understand a little better I hope.
Keep seeking help. Don't initially tell of a CPTSD diagnosis in new contacts. It's difficult to treat, depending on the severity, time consuming and can be hard on the therapist as well.
Don't give up. The journey to the other side is worth it they say.

 

[Tinyflame]

Welcome @jamielewis .

Re-traumatization and stress can really cause a tailspin. I am sorry for what she, you and your family are going through.

From what I understand getting the feelings out in some form is still better than trying to bury and ignore them, which usually becomes impossible. The key is though, you and your children shouldn't be the target. And it's easier said than done to not take it personally.

From what you've said it still sounds like you are her safe person, which is part of why such experiences happen. She might not feel she has to keep up the same mask with you. But it's good to set boundaries in advance that if that speech occurs you will (x, y or z- leave the room for an hour, leave the house, whatever). Whatever boundary is workable. It's not punitive, just sane. At a better moment you may be able to agree on what to do together.

 

[jamielewis]

Thank you both for your replies,

It makes sense, and I know it hurts her more than it hurts me, but boy watching someone you love in so much pain is heart-breaking.

Can I just ask, the biggest thing for her is lack of sleep and continuous nightmares, is there any advice for this?

 

[Ecdysis]

Lack of sleep and nightmares is suuuuper tough. With sleep deprivation, you're a mess just from that alone, regardless of everything else. I know there's a med that supposedly helps specifically for PTSD-style nightmares but I forget what it's called.

Read up on dysregulation and (emotional) re-regulation. That's basic PTSD first aid, for me. (And can also help with "understanding" it.)

Edit to add:
Prazosin seems to be the name of the med.

Best Practice Guide for the Treatment of Nightmare Disorder in Adults - PMC

Prazosin is recommended for treatment of Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)-associated nightmares. Level A Image Rehearsal Therapy (IRT) is recommended for treatment of nightmare disorder. Level A Systematic Desensitization and Progressive Deep ...

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

 

[jamielewis]

Lack of sleep and nightmares is suuuuper tough. With sleep deprivation, you're a mess just from that alone, regardless of everything else. I know there's a med that supposedly helps specifically for PTSD-style nightmares but I forget what it's called.

Read up on dysregulation and (emotional) re-regulation. That's basic PTSD first aid, for me. (And can also help with "understanding" it.)

Edit to add:
Prazosin seems to be the name of the med.

Best Practice Guide for the Treatment of Nightmare Disorder in Adults - PMC

Prazosin is recommended for treatment of Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)-associated nightmares. Level A Image Rehearsal Therapy (IRT) is recommended for treatment of nightmare disorder. Level A Systematic Desensitization and Progressive Deep ...

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

Thank you so much