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Will My Heart Thaw?

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Over the rainbow

Bronze Member
I'm not whiner, iv been happily single for 3 years. But sometimes, I feel like an outcast.
I meet a man, and then find something wrong before the guy can even get a date.
I have so many red flags that no man can add up.
Protection I suppose. But deep down, I wish I wasn't scared anymore, I want to be open and love and allow love.
But three years later, I still can't even sleep with anyone.
Not that I don't get offers.
They say I'm beautiful, but sometimes all I see in the mirror , is the woman he told me I was.
Words don't break me, they only make me stronger, but I still can't see what they see in me.
Perhaps if someone would let me be myself, and not try and change me, I would then know, it's real.
Sometimes I long for more then a pillow to hold, but if the pillow seem threatening in any way, I cast it out, just like a man.
I'm hopeless. But all I really want, is respect.
 
I guess any kind of close relationship starts with a leap of faith, and that's why it's so hard. But I hope one day you will get to a place where you'd feel safe enough within yourself to take that risk. Maybe not now when you are not ready, and that's okay--but maybe someday it will happen. Hugs!
 
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