So I went back to see the psychiatrist yesterday. I decided to give him 1 more chance before I requested another doctor. I told him the dope I was on wasn't working and he needed to put me on some new meds. He started me on Celexa and is weening me off of Zoloft. He also put me on Trazadone. I was on Trazadone as a mild muscle relaxer prior to my back surgery and outside of having an increased libido I didn't notice any undesired side effects. Hopefully this mix will help.
I also talked to the psychologist while I was there and took the advice I got here (thanks Spock) and asked for help in writing up a comprehensive recovery plan to give to my command. Something to show them that I've been proactive, as well as that I'm not giving up, and still have goals. He is also going to gather information about inpatient facilities and we are going to talk about them when we meet at the end of the week.
I went against what I said and drove. I had a few rage episodes again, but it wasn't as bad as before. I had an appointment 30 minutes away that my wife couldn't take me to. I set out consciously to get from A to B without having an "episode". Clearly I can't be driving right now, but I was impressed at the amount of restraint I could sustain when I focused all my energy towards it. Anyways, I thought I was having a good day until I left the psychiatrist and went to the pharmacy to pick up my meds.
backlog: Last week I got into a fight at the pharmacy and had a "code gray" called on me. The only reason I am not in the brig is I was unaware that the MPs were called and I left on my own accord before they got there. My command and the pharmacy tech's command both decided to handle it on the lowest level.
Anyways, the same pharmacy tech that saw me last week, saw me again yesterday. All of a sudden the anxiety kicked in to overdrive. I could feel it take over my body, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I wanted to kick the living shit out of the guy. I just kept telling myself "...stay calm, don't say anything, just get out of here with your meds and you'll be fine..." Here is where it gets weird. This woman comes up from my peripheral vision. She is wearing a trench coat, and her behavior is very erratic. She is walking around peeking into the pharmacy windows, and she just looks very nervous, but she isn't talking to anyone. Something just isn't right about her, then I notice she is wearing paper booties. I instantly start walking towards her, but just then a doctor starts talking to her and takes her up to the pharmacy window. It hits me then. I was going to tackle this poor woman. I don't know why. She didn't do anything. I don't know what the hell it was about her, but she scared the living shit out of me.
Has this ever happened to anyone before? It was like a hallucination, only I wasn't hallucinating, it was real, for some reason I perceived this woman as a real threat. I have no idea why. It was scary.
I also talked to the psychologist while I was there and took the advice I got here (thanks Spock) and asked for help in writing up a comprehensive recovery plan to give to my command. Something to show them that I've been proactive, as well as that I'm not giving up, and still have goals. He is also going to gather information about inpatient facilities and we are going to talk about them when we meet at the end of the week.
I went against what I said and drove. I had a few rage episodes again, but it wasn't as bad as before. I had an appointment 30 minutes away that my wife couldn't take me to. I set out consciously to get from A to B without having an "episode". Clearly I can't be driving right now, but I was impressed at the amount of restraint I could sustain when I focused all my energy towards it. Anyways, I thought I was having a good day until I left the psychiatrist and went to the pharmacy to pick up my meds.
backlog: Last week I got into a fight at the pharmacy and had a "code gray" called on me. The only reason I am not in the brig is I was unaware that the MPs were called and I left on my own accord before they got there. My command and the pharmacy tech's command both decided to handle it on the lowest level.
Anyways, the same pharmacy tech that saw me last week, saw me again yesterday. All of a sudden the anxiety kicked in to overdrive. I could feel it take over my body, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I wanted to kick the living shit out of the guy. I just kept telling myself "...stay calm, don't say anything, just get out of here with your meds and you'll be fine..." Here is where it gets weird. This woman comes up from my peripheral vision. She is wearing a trench coat, and her behavior is very erratic. She is walking around peeking into the pharmacy windows, and she just looks very nervous, but she isn't talking to anyone. Something just isn't right about her, then I notice she is wearing paper booties. I instantly start walking towards her, but just then a doctor starts talking to her and takes her up to the pharmacy window. It hits me then. I was going to tackle this poor woman. I don't know why. She didn't do anything. I don't know what the hell it was about her, but she scared the living shit out of me.
Has this ever happened to anyone before? It was like a hallucination, only I wasn't hallucinating, it was real, for some reason I perceived this woman as a real threat. I have no idea why. It was scary.
