Within

[digger]

I think you need to bring it up again, when the dust has settled. Never ignore things like that and try to sweep them out of sight. She needs to know that's not okay. You both do. Boundaries. x

 

[Miss_Understood]

I feel like I'm gonna shatter into a million pieces. I don't who I am anymore, I'm the same person I was, and I seem to the only one that accepts and acknowledges that. My traumas are so deep, so buried, so stuck in my bones. I don't know how to deal with this. I'm so worried I'm going to let everyone down, they expect me to get better and I don't know if I have the strength to. I am doing all I can to stay afloat and I know it's selfish, childish and wrong but it's what I have to do.

I just hope I can, because I feel like I'm gonna fail, yet again, let everyone down again, be more of burden, and bring more negativity. I feel like I died that day and everyone expects me to be "pre" attack Anni but I'm not, and I never will be.

I wish my supporters would get on a website like this, read other stories, maybe they'd get insight. I'm not saying they don't try and haven't helped but nobody sees just how close I am the edge and mistakenly I thought it was a good time to contact my bio family and to try to turn to religion but l know now that was not the right thing to do, and I feel ashamed I offered my soul to Jesus, now I feel like I've lost myself even more.

I'm scared, I'm hurt, I'm betrayed, I'm heartbroken, I'm already dead inside. I need help, I literally don't know where to turn to , I need guidance, I've been mislead, I be young but I'm not stupid.

 

[tillybee]

Me to @Missunderstood me too. I wish I could let my husband read my posts too but I can't. Sounds silly I know but you guys are different. You guys understand. You've either seen the dark side, witnessed it or are currently living in it.

Everything you said rang true to my bones and I felt every heart felt word of that post - I'm here for you Hun. As, When and If you need to talk xx

 

[Miss_Understood]

I'm a guy though lol, well least not in body lol. Thanks msg me I'd like to text if you'd like.

 

[tillybee]

That would be cool by me but are you American? I'm English would it cost you a fortune? Or is there some transatlantic free messaging service? Do you guys get Watsapp? I will private message you my number anyways

 

[digger]

I am doing all I can to stay afloat and I know it's selfish, childish and wrong but it's what I have to do.

It's not wrong. It's what you need to do right now. It's what a lot of us have to do sometimes.

I wish my supporters would get on a website like this, read other stories, maybe they'd get insight.

Have you suggested this to your wife? Could you maybe print some things off that you would like her to read?

I'm scared, I'm hurt, I'm betrayed, I'm heartbroken, I'm already dead inside. I need help, I literally don't know where to turn to , I need guidance, I've been mislead, I be young but I'm not stupid.

Keep holding on. Think of what you've managed to achieve. You've sorted out therapy for yourself. Last time I spoke to you on here you couldn't see that as a possibility. Other things will be possible too that you can't see yet.

 

[Miss_Understood]

I am going to ask her. I took on too much, leave it to to grab the bull by the horns. I can't do anything quietly.

 

[Miss_Understood]

Oh ok. Today is gonna be difficult to get through.

I'm just not dealing with everything well. Ptsd, epilepsy, depression, anxiety, pain and just overalls feeling blah.

 

[tillybee]

Oh ok. Today is gonna be difficult to get through.

I'm just not dealing with everything well. Ptsd, epilepsy, depression, anxiety, pain and just overalls feeling blah.

Thinking of you - keep your chin up! :)

 

[Miss_Understood]

Yesterday was a very bad day. Today will be better.
Boundaries were crossed last night that I don't like. This is gonna be a intense journey m, I hope I'm not wasting time, I hope people will notice they I'm literally doing the best I can right now. I hate emotions because I can't put them in a box but I'm in a box. I have all these labels placed upon me. I'm tired of being scared. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of having to defend my "lifestyle" all the time. I'm tired of everyone wanting me to be pre injury me.

 

[Miss_Understood]

Therapy today first session. I didn't open up as I should of. But it was the first, I'm afraid to open up"

 

[Wolvescry]

miss_understood, Hi I have not been on in a while, I have read your past post and I hope things are getting better now. Many people who suffer with PTSD feel the same feeling your feeling. The good news is once you push past those horrifying feelings it becomes more managable. I can not say you get cured, I have not experienced that. I fall and rise just to fall again. but I learned to be patient and understanding to myself and it makes things much easier. I hope I can help some, and I hope you find peace. Know your safe now, and the future does not have to be the same as the past.