And I am not working hard now. And she really is and has quite a stressful job. So, that's what's really out of balance.
I do not do dependent well.
One of the things I have to work really hard on is
being dependent... with grace & poise.
If someone is doing me a kindness? It’s churlish of me to refuse them just because I feel badly about myself, you know? I generally try and look at it as not adding insult to injury. ;) Becuase in any partnership, there will be times where I do more, and times where they do more. If I can manage to accept that and embrace it? We start getting that synergy of 1+1= 3 when
each person is putting the other first :D :inlove: :sneaky:. Instead of hurt/ anger/ resentment/ guilt/ shame/ tit-for-tat/ contempt/ jealousy/ exhaustion. :grumpy: When it becomes 1 v 1, and I’m not allowing myself to
be in a partnership, but set myself against them by imposing different rule for me, than for us. (I need help, they offer help, I refuse it / get grumpy with them for offering, they get hurt, I feel guilty, they get resentful, etc. Spiral o’badness).
I still have to mutter
grace and poise grace and poise grace and poise under my breathe like some people run the rosary a wee bit
all the f*cking time to remind myself of that, though. :whistling: Seriously, I’m wicked bad at being dependent. (Room for improvement!) but I try.
