Worst public humiliation

[Higgins]

Hi. I woke up in the middle of the night to be thinking over and over about something I did once, when triggered, that ended up being totally humiliating. A few times (and I try so hard to not have it happen) I just flip out and it's so awful when it happens around other people. Have you ever done something during a flashback or panic attack that you now regret or feel ashamed of? :/

 

[Higgins]

Or worse (and like me), have you ever done something that later someone else shames you for? It's a wretched experience.

 

[SophiaOfHearts293]

Be kind to yourself, and allow yourself to feel those emotions. :)

I once broke down in tears on a public bus (for no good reason, nothing bad happened on that day). I have no regrets about it, even though I felt embarrassed, but my feelings of sympathy and kindness are stronger than the feeling of shame. Only wish is that I had someone I can trust to comfort me. :)

 

[Pixielicious]

Hi. I woke up in the middle of the night to be thinking over and over about something I did once, when...

Yes.. Every Single time... That's why I avoid public places and people like the plague now.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Or worse (and like me), have you ever done something that later someone else shames you for? It's a wretched experience.

Yes this has happened to me two different times and I set a boundary with the toxic person and take a time out to take care of me.

Also try to tap into your healthy anger and feel this instead it helps me to center myself.

I understand the shame and it is bad, but facts are stronger than feelings I was recently told so try to stick to the facts.

 

[aut555]

Use to go through this as a teenager a lot. Now l don't as much. I take it with the busload of all the other feelings. Can you specifically break down the shame into this makes me feel this way? Sometimes when you say out loud or think it clearly in your head, it has less importance, it turns into a thought process instead of a emotionally provocation trigger. Dissect it then it's not so triggering.

 

[Freedomfighter]

Yes this has happened to me two different times and I set a boundary with the toxic person and take a tim...

I find it amazing that we would have to be ashamed for anything that is connected to our illness. It is tough enough to survive from day to day. I do not set boundaries anymore with toxic persons: I catapult them out of my life completely.

 

[sun seeker]

Have you ever done something during a flashback or panic attack that you now regret or feel ashamed of?

have you ever done something that later someone else shames you for?

Yes, and yes. I'm getting somewhat better at pausing before reacting, but not to the degree I'd like to.

I have less of a problem with shame than I used to though. If the people who judge were to walk a mile in our shoes, they'd change their tune pretty fast.

 

[Friday]

Have you ever done something during a flashback or panic attack that you now regret or feel ashamed of? :/

Yes.

Losing control, not being able to trust myself (my judgement or my actions), is why when I get really bad I -usually- take myself as far away from anyone I love or care about as possible, and then -when things get worse- take myself away from people altogether.

I've been trying really, really hard not to do that these past few years. Which has meant a whole lot of lesser-scale isolation, and also a whole lot more... Turning into myself? Not quite sure how to describe it, exactly. But instead of lashing out, it's more the inward version of the same thing. Still leads to things I regret and am embarassed of, and I reeeeeally don't recommend it, but for me it's definitely the lesser of two evils... While I try and figure this thing out, again, and get myself back in control.

 

[Higgins]

While I was flipping out, a person I know recorded me on their phone. I found out afterwards. and I feel super humiliated. As if having PTSD isn't bad enough, or the f*cking shit storm that caused it.

 

[Jung in the JUNGle]

Higgins you have got to stop beating yourself up - your making it worse not better

Doesn't sound like much of a friend either :(

Sadly modern society has trained everyone to persecute vulnerable people for no real value, just makes losers feel good they beat up someone today. Just look at this toxic Trump thing doing the rounds, he is a psycho and teaching others its OK to slag off at all and sundry.

You have to find a way to not be so much of a target.

Do you have any special talents?
music, sport, science, analysis?

Develop something about yourself to give you some self-esteem and this will protect you from the excesses of your pointless self shame. have some compassion for yourself as it doesn't sound like your 'friends' do.

Here is a story from my life that may help

I was always the guy that got picked on at school as i was small and couldn't protect myself. I did the 'have to be better than everyone else to feel OK' thing for a long time. In my 40's i decided to do some motorsport and bought an old mercedes which wasn't that fast and got roundly laughed at, at the track. So i went and put a 600 horsepower 6 litre V8 in it and at the next race meet absolutely blitzed the field. I was actually awarded a special trophy by organizers for having the fastest classic Merc in the country. Strangely nobody at the track took the piss from that point on. The moral of the story is let your driving do the talking.

then i learnt to become a Jungian Psychologist and low and behold i am actually twice as smart as all the little minded jerks that denegrated me all my life. look inward for confidence first.

Don't let the retards spoil your journey, find out who you are and the world will celebrate you (well at least it will shutup most of the detractors)

 

[Higgins]

Higgins you have got to stop beating yourself up - your making it worse not better

Doesn't...

I never said I was a target and I have plenty of self esteem. And if you read my post, I never said this person was a friend. Nothing in my original post relates to what you're saying. I also understand (sort of) the sentiment you're trying to communicate (I am guessing your intentions are good), but do you have PTSD? Because based on your answer, I don't think you get it. Racing at a track and getting laughed at for a slower Mercedes (!!!????!!!) is not even remotely what I'm talking about, nor is it what I am looking to talk about. I was specifically asking my PTSD friends about their experiences.