Wow, The Way I Treat My Wife Is Awful

[Annicus]

Wow, I tried to tell my wife what I was feeling which is selfish Is selfish in it's own. I can't talk without blowing up in anger I just screamed I'm her face, because I thought she was comparing me to someone she hated.
This is how the conversation went I started to tell her how felt useless, she said something about white people always complaining about their lifes. Instead of listening I screamed at her, telling her that it proves she hates me. Then I proceeded to yell and lash out at her even more....I am a monster, now she is refusing to talk to me and saying that she is afraid of me, and that she's tired of walking on eggshells.


I was wrong to yell but I don't think she understands that I can't help it. I don't know what to do now, I am shaking because I am so angry no wonder she is afraid. I am a unforgivable monster that pushes people who love me away. No wonder she can't stand me, since I hate myself as well.
I really messed up this time, I pushed too far too hard.

Sometimes I wonder if I want everyone to hate me as much as I hate myself right now, that way it would be easier to stop living. I am what I always hated, I turned into my mother who is schitzophrenic.
Why do I hurt the ones close to me, what is wrong with my brain? I think I royally screwed up the only healthy relationship I've ever had just because I couldn't contain or express my anger properly. And yet I still can't cry or show any feeling rather than horrible anger.

I think she would be happier if I just left, ten I wouldn't use her as a punching bag anymore. Nor would she live in fear of when the timebomb is gonna blow again.

 

[Jestadud]

Do you actually hit her? If so then yes that is awful.

 

[amethist]

Hi Annicus

Yes the way your are treating your wife is awful, you stepped over the boundary, way over.

Having said that, you also know you did this and that it was way out of line. so now your own next step SHOULD be to go and talk to a therapist, if you are not already doing that. If you do not want to see your wife scared of you, then stop this escalating now. Show her you understand how wrong you are in treating her this way, telling her will not work, she has to SEE the changes and the work and effort you are putting into it.

If you are hitting her, then she has every right to leave and keep herself safe. This is abuse whichever way you look at it, no one deserves that, your wife, partner, friend anyone.

The last time my husband shouted at me with this kind of disrespect, I told him very quietly and calmly, If he ever spoke or shouted at me like that again, I would put him on his A~~e.
He knew I would and never has been so aggressive to me since. I am 5'1", he is almost 6', but he knew I would do it if I had to.

So for both your sake's go get help and support today, or as soon as possible. It will be worth it.

Amethist

 

[intothelight]

Hi Annicus,

Please clarify the term "punching bag". Whether your wife is your verbal or physical "punching bag", neither is acceptable. The best course of actions would be to set boundaries, for both you and your wife.

Working with a T is the best way to determine what is causing the anger. Rarely is it the event at hand, but it is something that triggers the deep set anger from the prior trauma. Once it can be recognized, and the situations that might trigger it, then proper coping mechanisms can be put in place. Until that time, one means to deal with a situation that can escalate is just to remove yourself, or have your wife remove herself, from the situation. Agree on this in advance, when cooler heads prevail.

I wish you the best in resolving this matter.

ITL

 

[Annicus]

I didn't hit her but I sure came a lot closer than I ever have before. I am contacting a therapist today to see if I can set up a sliding scale fee. It was like I blacked out for a second. I know I have a lot of work to do on myself and on our relationship. I'm ready for the long haul. I've realized that PTSD is a rather selfish disease especially when I keep things from my wife until I literally erupt. Thank for the posts, they were helpful. I am going to start a journal on here to vent as well. I know I can't keep these feelings bottled up after last night, I don't trust myself to not explode. thank you Am!

 

[NIKI]

You definetly have to see a therapist ASAP and anger management. Alot of the times we take our anger out on the ones we love the most. We really want to take the anger out on the ones who have wronged us, they are usually not available and our loved ones are. Remember she is on your side!!! It might even be best if you could take a break from each other until you can sort your anger out. Then get into couples counseling. You have alot of things to be angry about!! But she is not the one to take it out on, it will ruin your relationship if things continue this way. I hope you can get the help you need soon so your relationship can survive. Wishing you the best. NIKI

 

[Nicolette]

I just wanted to add one thing - verbal, emotional & psychological abuse is just as bad, if not, worse than physical abuse.