You Know You Have PTSD When...

[Ronin]

disappointing her or the fear of the others.

You are not responsible for her disappointment, her emotional reactions.
She should understand; those are all her friends, not yours.
Her choice of people, and ensuring they are /all/ as comfortable as possible, is /her/ responsibility, as a host, and a friend.

 

[Anrish]

@Cashew Thank you for your kind words.

I just fear that I will back off on any event including strangers. ...and that makes it even harder.

 

[Whyteferret]

You know you have PTSD when you cannot guarantee that you will be able to celebrate your best friend's b...

@Anrish
Would it work to make an "exit plan" so if it gets too much you can leave quickly?
Maybe talk to your friend and celebrate separately from the group on a different day?

 

[Whyteferret]

@Cashew Thank you for your kind words.

I just fear that I will back off on any event...

@Anrish
all you can so is what you can. Hopefully, your friend understands. Don't beat yourself up over it

 

[Anrish]

@Whyteferret : Thank you for your suggestions.

I think it will be the exit plan in the end. ...we live in the same flat - so we'll celebrate anyway and the event with the others won't start before evening.

She does understand. She told me not to force me but I blame myself - I was able to do stuff like that, I was beat afterwards but I didn't chicken out right from the beginning. :(

 

[Ronin]

but I didn't chicken out right from the beginning.

Nor you are chickening out, now.
You're protecting yourself.
That is a no small task, and isn't 'chickening out'.
There's so much courage & responsibility in doing it.

 

[Anrish]

@Cashew : Thank you.

I often forget that..."simple" tasks can be a huge obstacle for someone with our background. I think I will go there and leave whenever it will get too much for me. I've got my own car, so I can move completely independent.

 

[Ronin]

You're doing fine, @Anrish.
Glad you've got a plan for it. :tup:

 

[Ronin]

I don't have PTSD.
I just stick around for dear departed, because I can't let them down worse than I have, not now.
They're all dead, Dave.
There's peace in it, too.

 

[Whyteferret]

@Whyteferret : Thank you for your suggestions.

I think it will be the exit plan in...

@Anrish
Taking care of yourself is not chickening out. We can only do what we can on any given day

 

[Anrish]

When you prefer to plan your vacations alone.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Buses are WAAAY too loud *puts hands over ears* emoji