You Know You Have PTSD When...

[hithere]

When you go to the Nutcracker Ballet and through the whole thing you keep thinking that Clara is being "groomed" by an older male pervert.

 

[Lalala]

You know you have PTSD when: ?
-You freeze and feel like a random passerby is going to come hurt you
-When you see a kid with an older man, you have a sneaking illogical suspision that they are a pedophile. When they are probs just their dad.
-You only watch two kinds of movies/TV: stuff that is linked in someway to what happened, and stuff that is polar opposite with no risk of ever making you remember.
-Wen your in the dark, with a male, and you have to sink your fingers in something, and shake your leg because you're scared and half convinced something will happen. Oh and you try to find any excuse to get out of there, which may end up making you look like a freak, if you haven't ran away to an other room already.
-When you have sex, and you end up not recognizing your body, and are unable to feel anything else than utter numbness
-When someone knocks on your door/has a sudden movement/ exc: you scream, and stay in an anxious state for over a minute.
-When you feel like a tease of someone touching you and doing things to you, at random moments in the day
-When you always talk about things related, to the point it brands you as some sort of "f*cked up snuffie"
-When you feel excited when you parents aren't home so you can scream shit into your pillow
-When you play police officer with the people who've hurt you. Stalking anyone? Until you feel like shitting yourself or crying
-When you frequently have to go the throne, since you so bloody damn anxious
-When you have an elaborate plan about how to deal with an assault or potential one from the people who live with you.
-When someone looks at you to log, you just want to run
-When there's never enough Advil… you know, migraines and anger headaches
-When you don't want to get close with anyone who hasn't been through similar things
-When you're scared you might embarrass yourself in public, you know the more extreme types of flashbacks
-When you see someone who has gone through the same thing on a tv show that's suicidal or who has very extreme symptoms, you're like "I should feel THIS way" and don't understand why you're not slitting your wrists right now but numbly watching american dad
-When you practice screaming with tape, a gag, or your own hands to try to make the most noise possible. who knows, may be useful some day?
-Go from anxious can't have any form of sexual contactto wasted "hurt me creep" whore
-when you spend hours thinking about why he did it, and what he must have been thinking
-having gone through horrible things, and getting so used to it, that's it doesn't seem shocking or that bad anymore
-Thinking you don't exist without trauma
-Belittling nontrauma suffering people (inside your head) for being upset over things that seem big to them, but so small to you in comparison.
-It's so normal to you now and it's part of you, you don't know if you really want to recover.
-When you have conversations like this with someone, and you have to give that smile that says "haha, you have no idea": "I heard this girl got raped by 3 guys in some van yesterday, you know in Germany (friend 1)" "oh my god, yes, that broke my heart. Rape is so awful, I can't even imagine how that would feel like. It would feel horrible, I can't imagine…" (friend 2) You: …… *I can imagine..hehe*

 

[Lucycat]

All of the above.
And when it feels like life is not worth living when I get a lower than hoped for mark for an essay.

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

When the slightest bit of kindness, regardless of who it's directed to or where it comes from, makes you cry like a baby, simply because it's been such a foreign thing to receive or experience for the majority of your life. Each and every tear that comes from those feelings are so incredibly precious to me.

They say salt water heals...so I'm thinking at the rate I cry within a days time I should have already been all better by now....but it seems there's still a shit ton of work to be done. I also probably should have invested in the kleenex company a long time ago.

I've also heard that ones sadness shows the depth of their feelings and care for others and the world around them. Bittersweet pains that will hopefully burst into a joyful flow of some sweet relief every single chance they get. Yes, please.

 

[EveHarrington]

...when you run a few errands and your spoons are blown. How did this happen? I’m lying here on the sofa, totally spent, and can’t muster up the energy to go to my bedroom.

 

[Lucycat]

When you feel overwhelmed by absolute trivia. Knowing it is trivial does not help, just makes you feel even more incompetent.

 

[lovak]

When all day you think 'I want to watch that movie on netflix' And cant seem to get the remote and put it on. Can't seem to be able to unload the dishwasher. Can't seem to be able to make a single productive choice.

But when the cats want food, no problem.

 

[jaccat]

When you watch a science documentary where they refer to being awake for 30 hours as severe sleep deprivation and you have to stop yourself from laughing.

 

[Friday]

I’m READY! I’m ready for Halloween!!! :woot:

I know what I wanna be, and how I wanna decorate, and all the festivals and mazes and haunted houses and and and...

...and it’s f*cking January.

Thank you PTSD.

<counts on fingers> How many months late am I? C’mon brain! October. It is NOT October. Thank you for joining the rest of us. :facepalm: Also, no. It is not 2012. Yes. You can claim to be the age you were in 2012. But you’ll be lying. It’s not October of 2012. It’s really not.

Boo! I want it to be Halloween!!! It’s my faaaaaavorite holiday!

 

[LuckiLee]

^^^Noooo!! Then we'll be right back to November. Ugh! But if we could go back to 2012 that would be great... Knowing what I know now. Hugs!!

 

[Friday]

Then we'll be right back to November.

I know, right???

That’s pretty much what happened. Just sort of waking up from the November funk, now. Just in time for the February & March shenanigans. Snort. You know there actually used to BE sheningans? Mischief & no good! In spades!!! :sneaky: Now? Sigh. More like “Don’t kill anyone, don’t break anything.” :wtf: Insanity used to be a lot more fun.

I am serious considering deducting my symptomatic years from my age. That would be NINE now! Woohoo! :woot: Wait. 12? 11? f*cking TBI. Thank every star math was never really my thing. I was more like

WHO is pushing 40? Oh yeah. Right here, baby. :bag: I figure nothing could be as bad as 32, though. That’s when I aged out from any job I’d actually WANT to work. Still, it’s funny. I lied that I was older in my 20’s (technically I sidestepped the Q with alacracity, same thing, really) 30s were supposed to be the shit -old enough to be taken seriously, young enough to kick ass- but life said f*ck your plans... so I guess we’ll just have to see what the 40s bring. Never actually planned on living this long, so I should just consider it bonus.

 

[Ronin]

Friday stop killing threads, I cannot say anything funnier now :roflmao: <dead>

But wheee to deducting age. I gon be kid, and we back to Bang Bang Bang. :sneaky:

ETA: And when reminders of ranges are a gawdamn good up on coping mechanisms. There, there. I remember the worlds in which I safe and sane. Bless.