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You Know You Have PTSD When...

When you are trying to decide who to hate more...parent who did this to you, or p-doc who gave you medicines that made your life worse (medicine you have to slowly reduce to avoid life threatening withdrawals.)

Decide at least doctor was trying to help - parent just the opposite... (fill in blanks)
 
When your favorite restaurant closes after 30 years in business because the owners retire... and suddenly you are crying about the trauma related goodbyes you have never said. Like your friend who died during that horribly traumatic event that you still haven't said goodbye too. Yeah. He loved this place too.

The friend with me at the time we found out the restaurant was closing was a bit surprised. I turned away to try to hide my sudden tears and she said, "I had no idea you were so passionate about Rosa Linda's" (Mexican cafe).

I had to tell them, "sorry, my tears are not about Rosa Linda's..."

Sigh.
 
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When gaslight, again, steals your sanity and what takes you out of that downward spiral is a memory of way more downward, and the fact you still have people to lift, even if you stare at them, uncomprehending.

(Well, the boyfriend's such a lucker. The times I just don't. recognize. him. I'll make a rap song bout it when I'm less dissociated.)
 
When everything tastes like tin & food sits on the top of your stomach under your sternum.

When the clock a floor away sounds so damn loud.

When you can't sleep but are thankful you can't really, all things considered.

When you can feel your blood pressure go up but can't feel emotions & that's almost getting to be preferable.

When the less you feel the less anything matters.

When you can cover well for your lapse in memory & consciousness.

When you dread much of what others look forward to.
 

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