"you think you have to feel bad to still love him"

[Gamera3000]

The last time I saw my therapist she asked me to focus on some pain things, and then she said that I thought that if I didn't bad about my brother being dead, it meant I didn't love him. I DID say that I felt he deserved for people to feel bad that he was gone and that I thought I was the only one who still felt this bad about it, 15 years later. But I don't think that I wouldn't love him if I didn't feel bad.

I kind of think that a bad thing happened, no matter how much time has gone by, the bad thing still happened. He's still gone, so it still hurts. How can I feel better, or heal, if the bad condition is ongoing?

Has anyone else heard this from a therapist (or whoever) and had trouble understanding it? Or does anyone else have an unusual way of understanding it that might click?

 

[littleoc]

Love is a complex emotion. I feel doubtful that you didn't love your brother, with only that as context. Of course, I don't know you, but that's certainly not the only criteria for love. But only you know you.

A useful way that might help to think of it differently, based on my limited knowledge, would be that you haven't fully processed the event yet. But this sort of revelation is only something you can have.

If you feel that your therapist isn't clicking with you, it's okay to ask for help in finding one who does, by the way :)

I know I'm months late, but I hope this helps you anyway somehow