Dom Violence Was In An Abusive Relationship And I Still Love Him When I Should Hate Him. Why ?

[trying2movefwd]

I got rid of my email And got a new email. I changed my phone carrier and phone number. I dropped facebook, twitter, and the like.I also was in a domestic violence shelter for several months. Had to leave everything! !! Minus my children behind (he was abusing them as well, i now have custody)... I have lots of "I miss him moments". I am starting to see just how liberating it is without him. My children are much happier!!! I have more peace...it hasn't been easy though.

 

[concerned dad]

My daughter, now 20 was in an abusive relationship for 4 yrs starting at age 16. I was totally unaware, he never left marks and she didn't tell. He is now in jail doing a 5yr sentence for beating her. it's been almost a year and up until starting EMDR therapy 3 months ago she was a complete mess saying the same things that some on this site are saying about, knowing he will hurt you but you still love and miss him. I'm not sure if it always works but she was open and ready when she started and in just 3months (only 4 actual emdr sessions) she is a completely different person than even 6 months ago. After seeing the results I've seen I would suggest anyone who has gone through the trauma of an abusive relationship to at least talk to an EMDR Therapist and see what he/she thinks she can do for you.

 

[Freedomfighter]

I really cannot understand that after all I've been through with my ex I still care and love him. I'...

O.k., I can give you a very good reason for your concern: why you think that you care about a monster like that. A monster like that, by the way from now on try to just name him by that word: the monster, has attempted to teach you that he is a good person, while hiding his true self beneath a fake shrine of innocence. All monsters are really good at that by the way. Their whole life is spend hiding who they really are, they can actually not stand themselves and have that incessant need to prove to others and themselves that they are good people. That need is so incessant that from the time they get up to the time they go to bed they just pretend.

Once you realized that he is not that good person, but rather a monster, you placed yourself in danger unknowingly. Believe me, I know what I am talking about, my ex was just like that. He still walks around people who think he is the greatest person on earth, just the way he likes it. But one has to beware of course, as soon as the victim figures out who the monster really is then the monster gets mad enough to kill. That is what you are experiencing right now.

When you miss your abuser you actually only miss the good person that the monster pretended to be, and sometimes pretended so convincing that you were truly in love with this good person that he wanted you to believe he is. Such people are very cunning and unfortunately very capable of lulling their victims into a false sense of security.

Oh yeah, been there, run for your life.

 

[rockscanbepretty]

I really cannot understand that after all I've been through with my ex I still care and love him. I'...

I have an ex who did those things. They don't own their behavior He fathered 2 of my children, my oldest son has never forgiven me for leaving him. Turned out too much like his dad. Hasn't spoken to me in 2 years. First I had to acknowledge that I was angry, then I was able to forgive him and get on with my life. I promised my son I'd always love him, but what is love really?

 

[420kitty]

Battered Woman Syndrome.

I still loved my ex for a period of time after it ended. Why though? He hurt me in mire ways than 1, changed everything I thought I knew about myself and now I have to start over in getting to know who the hell I am now. This is why: I was lonely and kept thinking of the good times.

It wasn't until someone ooened my eyes. Started asking me questions I never asked myself. He told me to be pissed, and be angry. Stop thinking of only the good times. The bad times outweighed the good by 10 fold.

I also realized how sick in the head my ex was. I stopped pitying him (he was abused as a child and has burns because of it). He knew what he was doing and he was very methodical about it. He wasn't unintelligent. He chose to do what he did and I know he does not regret it one bit. Until you realize that snd stop romanticizing the good times then you won't love him. In fact, you may even hate him after your realizations.

Good luck to you!

 

[Sunshineturtle]

I really cannot understand that after all I've been through with my ex I still care and love him. I'...

Therapy.. but.. it's ok to love him but realize it's not healthy to be together. Minimally, he needs a batterer intervention program. Minimally, you need to deal.with your trauma of almost being murdered by him. I say this because if you don't, you will pick another just like him. ... it just happens that way. never your fault... always his.. his violence is his choice.. stay safe. All feelings are valid. It's ok.

 

[Ronin]

Your memories & care & feelings & the nice moments still belong to you.

Doesn't mean you have to be together. Doesn't mean you've been wrong. Doesn't mean you've made the wrong choice.

The reasons worth loving, they were real. They have the right to be in your heart. You also have a right to go on.