Alone

[Turningoutthelight]

It's just constant and dull dull dull, images appearing in my mind's eye routinely every 20 minutes or so. Nobody around me knows what it's like, or how normal it has become to me. They see my excessive worry over stupid small things and they just think it's me being silly and that I need to control myself. They don't see any connection between the traumatic incident and my constant stress and worry. I just sit on the sofa at night while my partner is sleeping in bed and cry by myself because I feel so so so so lonely. Whenever I think about talking about my feelings I just cry instead. I don't know where I can go from here. I wish somebody around me truly understood and cared. The only people I know who have supposedly suffered PTSD just want to score points by talking about how they had to have pills that are stronger, and how many months they couldn't work for, etc. I feel so bitter. I start therapy soon so maybe that will help :( :(

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[aut555]

Therapy will really help you. Sometimes if you are feeling too overwhelmed, you may need to ask for a temp prescrip to ease you until your therapy kicks in. Crying could indicate feeling overwhelmed and possibly feeling depressed. So try to be understanding of yourself. Some of us bury even those feelings, but it becomes more troublesome. At least you are acknowledging that you feel this way. The next step will be why do you feel this, any thing in your past or current present situation is contributing to this? Could you possibly journal some of this so that it helps you understand yourself?

 

[Jung in the JUNGle]

Excessive crying normally means you can't yet envisage a way to deal with the sensate images arising from the traumatised area of your unconscious.

I see this a lot and it isn't a bad thing, its just you don't have any rational models that are big enough to take on the tsunami of the emotional affect you are experiencing.

The Jungian view of assimilating traumatised unconscious is you need a front brain landing space, think of it like scaffolding for your ego. The sensate images and emotions you are feeling have to be translated then built into your scaffolding. Now you are lucky because the western ego is naturally rational and we have a strong mythology tradition. Though it is very much maligned these days as fairy tales.

To give you an example of one i use for War Vets is Odysseus from Greek mythology which both Freud and Jung (initially before he turned to alchemy) used heavily. You will know him from the Trojan Horse in the Homers epic about Troy. His 10 year odyssey to get back home is the Vets PTSD manual for the Bronze Age. It bears very similar narrative to forces that torment the minds of modern Vets. My point is that in his story (or the story of your hero myth) will offer a roadmap of those that have suffered before you and prevailed.

If you are inclined to reading check out Joseph Campbells books on world mythology. You are bound to find a mythological hero with which you can resonate. Their narrative will help you to build some ego consciousness scaffolding and then you can in your therapy gradually release the malignant trauma into this scaffolding.

Then i would suggest getting your close friend to allow you to be vulnerable so you can express your feelings to another human being.

Once the trauma has a home the emotions will not haunt you anymore.

PTSD isn't a disease - its just Soul Shock

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Turningoutthelight You are not alone. You have the thousands of people that frequent this website. We are a mixed bag, but we all have one thing in common... We care, we try to help, we offer advice, and sometimes we yell. But, it's all good.

You will find a huge amount of support here, so dig in.... And welcome to the forum!:meh:

 

[Deleted member 36516]

@Turningoutthelight ! I am really glad to post to you :-)
My thoughts are with you in this time of crisis !

 

[Pixielicious]

It's just constant and dull dull dull, images appearing in my mind's eye routinely every 20...

Just want to say that, you are soooo not alone with the way you feel....