Am I Being Unreasonable Here?

[BlueWeepingRose]

I've been talking to this person for a while. They're logical and I don't mind this because I am to a point, though I am still emotional and cry over with what I've been through. Also suffer with depression on top of it too. They said something that kinda hit a nerve and I was wondering if I'm simply getting hurt over something so small. I'm not crying or angry. More like annoyed if anything.

They said when a person cries a lot or something that that believe that they're simply a weak person by nature and told me to try to make myself as perfect as possible. Of course this is the person's opinion of course.

In my opinion nobody is perfect. This is just my opinion and I hope I don't hurt anyone's feelings here. That's one thing I don't want to do is upset anyone. I'm just tired of keeping the things to myself because I'm always worried of hurting other people's feelings or making someone angry at me..... =\

We all have flaws. Wanting to be perfect and have everything perfect is wanting to have control over every little thing. I remember my Abuser wanted everything to be perfect and if it wasn't perfect he got angry and blew up. It was something so minor too. I know I have flaws and I do cry because it's part of healing. As Survivors I think it's better to let it out and not bottle it in. However at one point I bottled things in and ended up getting angry and blew up. Even took my anger out on people and I ended up crying afterwards. Now I try to cry anytime memories come back about my abuser. I need to let it out as much as possible. Think that it's important for me to cry. Once I cried I felt so much better and I felt happier afterwards. Even noticed I wasn't stressing as much too.

Remember in Fight Club ((the movie)) after he cried he was able to sleep so much better.

We all handle things differently and heal in our own pace. Nobody wants to be rushed in healing. One therapist of mine tried to rush my healing and my PTSD only got worse and I even told my T that I believe she was rushing me and that I'm not 100% healed yet. That I needed to to look back on things and write them down in my journal. There's the emotional aspect, the verbal abuse, and so forth. I need to look at all different sides of things and take in everything so I know how to go on with my healing journey. I bought so many healing books on Amazon and a lot has helped me. I still do have my bad days though and when I do I need to express it.

Maybe I am getting a little bit upset over this. It just hit a nerve because I remember in the beginning of everything I cried a lot. I cried when I woke up, in the shower, before I went to bed. Would anyone else get upset by this? My friend of mine told me not to worry what others think and that's true... but honestly sometimes it's hard. I won't lie to you. I'm still learning and I wish people would be a little bit more patient with me.

 

[EveHarrington]

As a person with PTSD, why would you want someone in your life who A) has no clue about this disorder B) is very judgmental and C) seems so close minded about things that he probably can't even consider that he might be wrong?

I'd relegate him to acquaintance status and move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea. No sense in wasting time on this guy.

 

[Kolten]

I think each person heals or begins healing at their own pace and That's up to no one but you. How you express emotion isn't to be told how to or how not to by someone else. That's what causes people deeper damage thinking they need to hold it all in for the sake of everyone else. I wouldn't be ok with this but that's me. I think we should all have the right to process things as we do and That's what healing is all about.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Instead of worrying about what others think, why not just work on your trauma and the depression will ease, and you won't cry all the time.

 

[shimmerz]

They said when a person cries a lot or something that that believe that they're simply a weak person by nature and told me to try to make myself as perfect as possible.

Goddam I would hate to be in that person's head. Can you imagine how HUGE their inner critic(s) are? <Shiver>

Been there, done that, wasn't much fun. Not certain how human that really is.

 

[The Albatross]

"They said when a person cries a lot or something that that believe that they're simply a weak person by nature and told me to try to make myself as perfect as possible. Of course this is the person's opinion of course." Yeah and good thing it is only an opinion cuz it is not a very good one (except not said directly but seeming to be implied is) the idea of taking actions for self improvement (my word there which is a whole lot different than "as perfect as possible").

You have been talking to "this person" - is this person a friend or someone who's good willed or well intentioned? Sometimes when someone says something to me I pause to consider it before I weigh out what/how/why/when something that bothered me or upset me was said. Rationally too, you know that there are many opinions as people vary widely... you do not have to agree with what was said. In fact you did a pretty solid job of stating your case in your opening post.

It is okay to cry sure. Crying can be very healing. Dealing with depression though can be tough. One opinion out of the conversations you had, hit a nerve and that's unfortunate but if it's a friendship, for me it usually boils down to the intent of the person... whether it was intended to hurt or harm.