Hello again, I've been gone for a long time and recently started lurking again due to new life circumstances.
Briefly, I arrived here in 2013 trying desperately to salvage a romantic relationship with someone who was suffering from PTSD. I had no inkling of my own issues at that time because I was so codependent in that relationship. I had lost all sense of my own identity, my whole life was wrapped up in my then-partner.
Not long after my final post here (before today's), the relationship ended. My ex did have PTSD, that much was true, but she had already decided to leave me and the PTSD wasn't as much of a factor as I originally thought (or hoped). She no longer wanted to be a lesbian and left to explore heterosexuality. She moved away for a year, then returned to marry a man she had begun seeing before she left me (big surprise, right)? We are not in contact.
I spent a brief amount of time on my own after my ex left me . Later in 2013 I met someone special, and we married in 2014. My new relationship has been both wonderful and at times less so. Right now we are doing better than we ever have. I learned what boundaries are and when/how to enforce them. My new W has issues with anger and impulse control, and over some months of agonizing over the situation I told her she needed to sort herself out, stop behaving abusively toward me, or I was gone. I was all ready to leave but my declaration seemed to shock her into some kind of recognition/willingness to take action. She got into therapy, and there has been no abusive behavior in our marriage since then.
Obviously with all of this going on I have been in counseling, and it has helped a lot. In the course of going back over my family history my therapist proposed that I've got PTSD which originated in my family of origin, long term emotional neglect/abuse type of stuff. I tend to agree with him. I have always had a very strong fight, flee or freeze response and I have "time traveled" back in stressful situations with my W, so that I feel and act like a young child. It's hard to describe but I am thinking someone out there must understand what this experience is like.
Last year we had a terrible situation with my W's son, who is mentally ill and violent. I witnessed him strangle her. He is 6'5" and 250 pounds, and 15 years old. There was some therapy after this event but he never apologized or showed one iota of remorse. He is a dangerous and frightening teenager. I have told my W he is not welcome in our home until we discuss this situation in more detail. At the moment he is not speaking to either of us. He lives with his father. I am happy to never speak to him again but obviously, with this being my stepson, chances are good I will have to interact with him again in the future. My W is in some denial about his potential for violence and his instability.
I'm getting better with therapy but wanted to rejoin this community for support and fellowship in learning how to control myself when I am triggered. I can say and do very insulting, hurtful, and self-destructive things when I allow the wounded, enraged part of me to take over.
Briefly, I arrived here in 2013 trying desperately to salvage a romantic relationship with someone who was suffering from PTSD. I had no inkling of my own issues at that time because I was so codependent in that relationship. I had lost all sense of my own identity, my whole life was wrapped up in my then-partner.
Not long after my final post here (before today's), the relationship ended. My ex did have PTSD, that much was true, but she had already decided to leave me and the PTSD wasn't as much of a factor as I originally thought (or hoped). She no longer wanted to be a lesbian and left to explore heterosexuality. She moved away for a year, then returned to marry a man she had begun seeing before she left me (big surprise, right)? We are not in contact.
I spent a brief amount of time on my own after my ex left me . Later in 2013 I met someone special, and we married in 2014. My new relationship has been both wonderful and at times less so. Right now we are doing better than we ever have. I learned what boundaries are and when/how to enforce them. My new W has issues with anger and impulse control, and over some months of agonizing over the situation I told her she needed to sort herself out, stop behaving abusively toward me, or I was gone. I was all ready to leave but my declaration seemed to shock her into some kind of recognition/willingness to take action. She got into therapy, and there has been no abusive behavior in our marriage since then.
Obviously with all of this going on I have been in counseling, and it has helped a lot. In the course of going back over my family history my therapist proposed that I've got PTSD which originated in my family of origin, long term emotional neglect/abuse type of stuff. I tend to agree with him. I have always had a very strong fight, flee or freeze response and I have "time traveled" back in stressful situations with my W, so that I feel and act like a young child. It's hard to describe but I am thinking someone out there must understand what this experience is like.
Last year we had a terrible situation with my W's son, who is mentally ill and violent. I witnessed him strangle her. He is 6'5" and 250 pounds, and 15 years old. There was some therapy after this event but he never apologized or showed one iota of remorse. He is a dangerous and frightening teenager. I have told my W he is not welcome in our home until we discuss this situation in more detail. At the moment he is not speaking to either of us. He lives with his father. I am happy to never speak to him again but obviously, with this being my stepson, chances are good I will have to interact with him again in the future. My W is in some denial about his potential for violence and his instability.
I'm getting better with therapy but wanted to rejoin this community for support and fellowship in learning how to control myself when I am triggered. I can say and do very insulting, hurtful, and self-destructive things when I allow the wounded, enraged part of me to take over.
